To be annoyed at my DH for changing the arrangements

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We go on holiday to France next week with my parents, my stepdaughter and my aunt. We're taking our car and my parents are taking theirs.

My DSD lives about 20 miles from my parents and over 100 miles from us. The plan was that my aunt and my DSD were to stay at my parents' the night before we travel and they would all drive down to the ferry in my dad's estate car, and DH and I would drive down in ours (me driving). We'd meet up at the ferry port and DSD would then transfer into our car for the drive through France.

DH has told me this evening that he has arranged to drive up and pick DSD up and bring her back to ours to stay the night before we travel instead. I am annoyed with this for a number of reasons:

1. There was no discussion and he hasn't mentioned it to my parents; he just decided to unilaterally change perfectly logical arrangements.
2. He has committed himself to an unnecessary 220-mile+ round trip when we're already going to be spending quite a bit on petrol on the holiday itself.
3. DH is disabled and is on a variety of medication which can cause him to have dizzy spells and near-blackouts so usually avoids driving alone for long distances, so I'll either have to go with him or worry about him the whole time he's away.
4. The day before we travel is the only day I have off work (I work full-time) apart from the holiday itself, so if I go with him we'll be under pressure timewise as we already have other things to do on that day (drop the dog off at kennels, tidy up ahead of the neighbour coming in to look after the cat, finish the packing etc) and if I stay behind I'll have to do everything myself.
5. I'm a light sleeper and suffer from insomnia, and as another side effect of my DH's meds is to give him nightmares - plus he's a horrendous snorer - he always sleeps in the spare bed the day before we go anywhere that involves a long drive for me, to give me the best chance of a decent night's sleep beforehand. But with DSD in our spare room, that option won't be available so I'm almost certainly guaranteed a bad night (on an average night I am woken up at least three or four times by his sleeping antics).

AIBU to be annoyed with him for making the holiday prep harder than it needed to be?

Sorry, but couldn't read past point 3.

He has near blackouts and dizzy spells regularly but is still driving? Are the DVLA aware, and have they not added restrictions to his licence?

I was going to say the same as Chronically, no way should he be driving.

On topic how old is your DSD? How well does she know your parents? perhaps she doesn't feel comfy staying there

They are aware that he is on X medication which can cause Y side effects but there are no restrictions on his licence at present. He rarely drives, I do 98% of the driving - which is one of the reasons I'm so narked at this change of plan!

Sirzy my DSD is in her 30s, has known my parents and aunt for nearly 20 years, has stayed overnight there a number of times before and often goes round for tea with them without us there, so I doubt it's come from her.

Does it not say on his prescription may cause dizzyness and blackouts if affected do not drive or operate machinery?

What reason has he given for changing the plans?

To be fair, he doesn't usually drive - as I say, that's one of the reasons I'm annoyed because in reality I will end up having to give up half of my only 'holiday prep' day to drive there and back myself, so he has effectively volunteered my services to make a completely unnecessary trip.

Was going to suggest the same thing as Sirzy - perhaps DSD told her dad that she felt a little shy or awkward with the existing situation, not really being part of that family, and having to spend a lot of time in the company of people she may not know well?
However, it does sound like you are reasonable to be worried about those other issues.
I think you just have to speak to your DH directly about your concerns, see if the original plan can be reinstated.

Being aware that he is on x medication which can cause y side effects, is different to being aware that he is on x medication and is suffering dizziness/blackouts. If you are concerned enough to not want him driving long journeys on his own, then he shouldn't be driving alone full stop. And to be honest, I'd question whether he should drive at all, if he became dizzy, would you be able to respond and take control of the car quickly enough? It's tricky when you're not at the wheel!

Oops, clearly not - just seen your reply to that idea!

Tell him no, this doesn't work for you. You don't have to do it.

He said it would "take the pressure off the day we travel".

I said "what pressure? There WAS no pressure!" and now he's sulking because I wasn't delighted.

If your dsd is in her 30's, can she get herself to your house herself?

As DSD is 30, I think you could safely discuss it with her?

Is there no public transport the DSD could take? At least half way to yours?

And no, YANBU.

TBH I think this was an idea conceived out of a brief bout of mania - he's bipolar, hence the medication - because he's not usually a sulker but that is a very occasional manifestation if a 'manic' idea is thwarted.

He can't book you to accompany him without asking first. What a pointless journey!

I think you can quite reasonably say no, it's not happening like this because it makes no sense and is massively inconvenient. Just because your DH has decided this plan of action it doesn't mean it has to happen.

X post (sorry)- you say he doesn't usually drive. Has he rationalised this as a 'choice' not to drive, so he can therefore choose to drive if he wants? Sounds like he hasn't thought it through and realised the impact it will have on you. I would sit down and tell him what you've told us, that it means you will have to do the driving and miss out on holiday prep time etc.

Another x post- if it's mania then he definitely hasn't thought it through and you get the right to veto!

She is in Her 30s.

She could get a train to us but why should she have to when my parents are happy to, and had planned to, bring her in their car? They'll be quite hurt if they think that she suddenly doesn't want to stay/travel with them to the point she'd put herself to the inconvenience of taking a suitcase on public transport and paying for a rail ticket when she has happily done both many times before.

To reiterate, I don't think - though of course I could be wrong - that this has been prompted by DSD.

Yes, Exit, she is. And?

Bonkers idea and extra work for him and you. Just talk to him about it.

Speak to DSD and let her know Plan A is back on as her dad hadn't thought it through.

I'd be very concerned about him driving.