To be annoyed at my DH for changing the arrangements

[SelectAUserName]

We go on holiday to France next week with my parents, my stepdaughter and my aunt. We're taking our car and my parents are taking theirs.

My DSD lives about 20 miles from my parents and over 100 miles from us. The plan was that my aunt and my DSD were to stay at my parents' the night before we travel and they would all drive down to the ferry in my dad's estate car, and DH and I would drive down in ours (me driving). We'd meet up at the ferry port and DSD would then transfer into our car for the drive through France.

DH has told me this evening that he has arranged to drive up and pick DSD up and bring her back to ours to stay the night before we travel instead. I am annoyed with this for a number of reasons:

1. There was no discussion and he hasn't mentioned it to my parents; he just decided to unilaterally change perfectly logical arrangements.
2. He has committed himself to an unnecessary 220-mile+ round trip when we're already going to be spending quite a bit on petrol on the holiday itself.
3. DH is disabled and is on a variety of medication which can cause him to have dizzy spells and near-blackouts so usually avoids driving alone for long distances, so I'll either have to go with him or worry about him the whole time he's away.
4. The day before we travel is the only day I have off work (I work full-time) apart from the holiday itself, so if I go with him we'll be under pressure timewise as we already have other things to do on that day (drop the dog off at kennels, tidy up ahead of the neighbour coming in to look after the cat, finish the packing etc) and if I stay behind I'll have to do everything myself.
5. I'm a light sleeper and suffer from insomnia, and as another side effect of my DH's meds is to give him nightmares - plus he's a horrendous snorer - he always sleeps in the spare bed the day before we go anywhere that involves a long drive for me, to give me the best chance of a decent night's sleep beforehand. But with DSD in our spare room, that option won't be available so I'm almost certainly guaranteed a bad night (on an average night I am woken up at least three or four times by his sleeping antics).

AIBU to be annoyed with him for making the holiday prep harder than it needed to be?

Yup, warning signs, definitely. If you go along with it will he move the goalposts to the next madder idea? Or if you refuse you're into rage and sulking. Or you could be stuck in france dealing with an episode. You could agree with dsd that you're sticking to original plan and then gauge reaction to see if you can risk travel?
If he's off beam is going abroad going to be a further trigger?

My xh had bipolar. During one of his manic phases he put an offer in on the house next door to us (if was for sale). I had to phone the Estate Agent and explain. Thankfully we were able to withdraw our offer as xh wasn't working then and there was no way we could have afforded it.

Anyway.

You know your dh better than any of us. How long is his manic phase likely to last? Is there some excuse which could be used which wouldn't upset him and make him feel rejected, and therefore able to revert back to the original plan?

Maybe your car is booked in to the garage that day as there is a minor problem which needs dealing with before you travel?

Or you have a hairdressers appt, or your dsd has the same?

Or your dm and dsd were planning on something together?

Hope you manage to get this sorted. Bipolar can be a bugger to deal with.

Can you get the DSD to say no? If it comes from her, will it be more palatable?

Is he in a manic phase just now OP?

Yanbu.
Call dsd and explain what you've told us, she obviously doesn't have any issues with your parents and knows about her Dads bipolar so will probably be understanding - then tell your dh it's not happening, you've too much to do and in future speak to you first before making such arrangements.
Or alternatively speak with dsd and get her to say ''actually Dad I'm just going to stay with Selects parents and meet you at the ferry''

Have a nice holiday x