to feel upset that primary school has failed to teach my son ( age 11) to write properly?

[SensingSolo]

Had a difficult weekend, but I'll spare the sob story, and this feels like another straw on the camel's back ...

I decided to help my son improve his handwriting, for the second time in his primary school career. It was so bad around Y4 that I had to go to the school and ask for some advice as to how I could help him at home , which I did as best I could.

Recently, I have noticed his handwriting is still poorly formed and have decided to have another go before he starts secondary school.

However, what I have now realised is that a lot of it is to do with the WAY he holds his pencil - like a claw! This is going to be hard to correct after such a long time, and my son was very upset at having to change it. Assuming we can of course, after 6 years of doing the wrong thing? Anyone help here btw?

I feel soooooooo hacked off that the school have not taught him the correct "tripod" way to write (which makes it so much easier and clearer). There seem to be so many things that primary schools do now in a huge curriculum (with a lot of political correctness thrown in). But really all I want my child to do is learn to basically read and write and some simple maths. I can do the rest.

Feeling both angry and upset at having to now do this, when I think its a teacher's job. Now, I feel like I have to teach my child to write all over again. Neither of us are relishing the thought ...

(p.s. we've left that school, so no point in going back and complaining).

What do I do now? Can I help him?

[fifi669]

DS is only 3 and used to hold a pen properly without being told, he's now got the whole fist grip. I'll prob be told off for being a pushy mum.... But would you recommend the pencil grips? I looked at the stabilo pens, but they say for 6+ and are cartridge pens?

[HayDayQueen]

Op, not sure if you have really left, but get your DS some Stabilo easy graph pencils. They have notches in there for finger placement which will make it a lot easier for your DS to relearn how to hold a pencil.

[AlarmOnSnooze]

fifi669 - the stabilo easy grip used to have a crayon type int he range. hang on, will search. there is definitely a pencil too.

my dd2 used the crayon ones from aound 3 years of age (got them for dd1 at about age 5, so dd2 would have been about 3!)

[orangepudding]

Fifi, you could try these pencils [[http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0054GFWJO/ref=oh_details_o07_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=%5D%5D1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 they are easier to use than thinner pencils,

[Stinkle]

Fifi have these [[http://www.amazon.co.uk/Triangular-Pencil-Grip-5-Pack/dp/B004O7F1GI?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21]] suitable from age 3.

My nearly 9 year old still uses them

[AlarmOnSnooze]

hmm, can't find them now, how odd. will keep hunting.

otherwise, there are colouring pencils which have pencil grips 'built in' - like this

[AllAboveBroad]

Alarm out of interest at what age did you introduce crayons, mark making things and paper to your DC? Am curious myself as to what the balance should be between encouraging motor skills and the concept of writing early on, but not teaching "incorrectly" before DS starts nursery/school.

[Stinkle]

Oops, messed up my link

these

[AlarmOnSnooze]

aha! it was the pelikan Griffix range which my dds used when younger. like this

[Retropear]

Sorry as a former teacher I think the op has every right to be livid.

Many parents don't know what the correct grip is or if it needs work on,they would naturally assume if school are happy so should they be.

As a KS1 teacher very few children left my classes with incorrect grip,if they did it was highlighted and work continued in the next class if needs be.

Re my own children I wasn't happy with the grip on two of mine and found actually as a parent it's very difficult to correct as you're not there to correct it when they do at least 80% of their writing which is when it needs to be corrected.I was happy to be "that parent" but many aren't and you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Op try the Penagain grip it's a kind of wishbone type pencil that makes them form the correct hold.Triangle grips are shite imvho and didn't work for my DS.Only thing is I'm not sure if the Penagain would fit an 11 year old as I used it when my DS was in y1/2.

[TheScottishPlay]

I write holding my pencil in a claw like grip too. I think my parents and teachers put it down to being left handed. I went to primary school not so long after left handers ceased to be 'retrained'. My writing is neat however.
I have been in touch with DS school several times regarding his handwriting too. It was very tidy up to p3 but went very downhill in p4. The school had noted this too and suggested that in p1-3 the emphasis is on how to write, forming letters etc which we reinforced at
home during homework and activities. In p4 the emphasis moved to creative writing and reminders of spacing, form etc were no longer required. I think my DS did need these reminders and we supported him to do this as did his teacher.
In general I would expect the school to teach the basics in English and Maths. Parents learn terms such as 'chimney sums' as they go and are used by teachers not us.
I would hazard that many parents will know at least as much about current affairs, history and geography than the average primary teacher and in my experience often a good deal more.

[Retropear]

Right just looked on Amazon.

My dc used the Penagain Twist and Write pencils but there is a lovely Penagain silver pen with refills that has good reviews from adults suffering from arthritis.

Might get one for dd 9 as she lapses.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

It is the school's responsibility to teach a child how to write legibly, and the most important work is done at KS1, but needs to be reinforced all through KS2. Once he is in KS3 no one will have the time to bother. I am amazed that you have only just spotted his poor pencil grip; he won't change it now, but you could try shaped pens if you really are concerned.

[AlarmOnSnooze]

AllAboveBoard - dd1 had access to stuff from around 2ish, I guess. general crayons/fingerpaints tpe stuff.

she was spectacularly uninterested . it later transpired she has huge sensory issues (so messy painting was 'out'), and motor skills issues - so crayons etc no good either.

by the time dd2 was about 18 months old, dd1 was having intensive home tuition, so dd2 sat in (her choice! no hothousing here ) and so had access to pens and crayons etc from about 18 months old. and also tuition in how to hold them (fist grip fine for littlies - mark making is important - big chunky crayons/paintbrushes). and then see how it goes.

dd2 (my more 'typical' child, although she does have AS, so not NT) I left ot her own devices, and then started guiding alongside preschool, so from around 3.5ish. she was very stubborn, and would not listen to me, but I talked to her preschool (and then recpetion teacher) andwas happy they were teaching the correct things, so took the 'but Mrs X says so' line about her incorrect pen grip, and she (slowly) changed it over time. to help with letter formation, I had dd2 do some of the handwriting without ters programme (we had it already for dd1), just to ensure she was forming the letters correctly, as well as holding her pencil properly - this was in preschool/reception too.

before preschool age, just have fun. possibly as they get towards 3 mention casually/model how to hold a pencil properly, but don't stress about it.

the above is written with a 'typical' child in mind. many children are neither ready nor interested in holding a pencil properly at 3

(if not ready, then I would practise all the motor skills stuff - pncer grip, use of tweasers, hama beads, back to that OT list mrz has!)

[edamsavestheday]

Wow, bunch of nasty posters at the start who enjoyed themselves giving the OP a good kicking - wrongly, as it's not something a parent would necessarily realise but is something teachers should know about.

[schmee]

OP I'm glad to see that some teachers have come on here to support you. Of course it is the school's responsibility to teach your child to write. If there any issues, they should guide you on extra support that you can provide. I'm what the school call politely a "very supportive" parent but I still look to them to lead on the basics. I'm not qualified to know what's normal at what stage, or how best to develop the right skills. Yes, I can bone up on stuff on the internet and try to learn how to help, but really, learning to write properly - yes, I do think that is what school is for. Ridiculous to say otherwise.

[grocklebox]

Have a different opinion all you like, but don't come on here telling other posters off for having theirs.
Especially when OP is so fucking rude and really doesn't deserve all the defending.
All of you on the OP's side help to explain why the UK has such low literacy rates, if the parents can't be arsed to do simple things like this. I remember some news reports a while back talking about kids in the UK turning up in school in nappies or not being able to wipe their own bums, they said the parents thought the teachers should do it. I thought it couldn't possibly be true, but I'm certainly rethinking that now.

[AllAboveBroad]

That's great Alarm, thank you! DS currently just grabs and swipes with huge crayons so I won't stress yet!

[Retropear]

Did you not read my post Grockle.

Children need their grip to be corrected when they write.They do the maj of their writing at school.

[AlarmOnSnooze]

grocklebox - I'm on the OP's side, and as can be seen from what I have posted, I quite clearly can be arsed to so the siple (and the not-so=simple) things liek this.

despite that, I had a child 'turn up' to school still in nappies. but then she still was at age 7, due to her disabilities. not thorugh lack of trying on my, and her, part. Instead, actually due to high-handed insistence from so-called professionals who went about toilet training in enitrely the wrong way (first at nursery, later at a specialist pre-school) and made the whole hting so much worse than it should have been for dd1. she is nearly 10 now, and still has difficulties toileting because of those crucial early errors when she was 2.

the low literacy rates in this country are indeed shameful. but it is not down to posters like the OP, who is trying to help her ds, or me, another parent just doing hteir best, or many of the other posters on this thread showing support.

[grocklebox]

I did. Majority means there is a minority elsewhere. OP still has a responsibility.
Should school have done better? Probably. But ultimately it is the parents job to catch these things, or at least try.

And clearly I'm not talking about children in nappies for a good reason. I have one of those myself.

[SensingSolo]

Just thank you. I'm not going on AIBU anymore, ever again :-(

Am feeling so tearful about the attacks, saying I'm a crap parent when they don't know anything about me or my life or what I've been going through.

I feel bad about saying F.O. but sometimes that's what you need to do :-/

Its always good to see some supportive posts though so wanted to thank you. Off to the real world now, it can't be any worse ...

[Retropear]

Vile attack err where?

And re sitting down with your dc.



It is normal for 4 year olds to still be learning pencil grip when they start school.One of mine was still swapping hands just before.Hence the importance of rec teachers ensuring they pick up a good grip in school.

Most 4 year olds I know aren't in the mood for shed loads of writing practise on their return home from school.You can't teach grip retrospectively that well it needs to be done when they are using a pencil which in the crucial early days will be during the school day.

Given that Gove wants kids in school from Dawn till dusk doing "prep" I'd love to know when working families are going to get all this time to do writing practise.As it most kids at the moment have clubs and a long school day.

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

^Just thank you. I'm not going on AIBU anymore, ever again :-(

Am feeling so tearful about the attacks, saying I'm a crap parent when they don't know anything about me or my life or what I've been going through.

I feel bad about saying F.O. but sometimes that's what you need to do :-/

Its always good to see some supportive posts though so wanted to thank you. Off to the real world now, it can't be any worse ...^

I am sorry that you feel that you have to leave. On a forum you will have differing opinions and you have to accept that.

Things are never going to end well when name calling starts.

I also have empathy if you are having a tough time on RL however so do many other posters.