to feel upset that primary school has failed to teach my son ( age 11) to write properly?

[SensingSolo]

Had a difficult weekend, but I'll spare the sob story, and this feels like another straw on the camel's back ...

I decided to help my son improve his handwriting, for the second time in his primary school career. It was so bad around Y4 that I had to go to the school and ask for some advice as to how I could help him at home , which I did as best I could.

Recently, I have noticed his handwriting is still poorly formed and have decided to have another go before he starts secondary school.

However, what I have now realised is that a lot of it is to do with the WAY he holds his pencil - like a claw! This is going to be hard to correct after such a long time, and my son was very upset at having to change it. Assuming we can of course, after 6 years of doing the wrong thing? Anyone help here btw?

I feel soooooooo hacked off that the school have not taught him the correct "tripod" way to write (which makes it so much easier and clearer). There seem to be so many things that primary schools do now in a huge curriculum (with a lot of political correctness thrown in). But really all I want my child to do is learn to basically read and write and some simple maths. I can do the rest.

Feeling both angry and upset at having to now do this, when I think its a teacher's job. Now, I feel like I have to teach my child to write all over again. Neither of us are relishing the thought ...

(p.s. we've left that school, so no point in going back and complaining).

What do I do now? Can I help him?

[Retropear]

Sensing I have pmed you.

Don't feel crap.I taught for several years and was a literacy co-ordinator,I still had two who struggled with pencil grip.School were utterly crap.

In the end I had to find a grip that enforced the correct trip,bought a pack,marched in and insisted my dc use them in school as clearly no member of staff was going to correct it.They were able at literacy and I suppose they thought grip for them wasn't high on the list of priorities even though I could hardly read the writing of one of my dc.

It really isn't your fault I promise you.I did loads with my dc,all we're reading before school,we had crayons and craft stuff everywhere and two (1 leftie)still had a grip problem.

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

Retropear the post in question had been deleted by MNHQ

[HumphreyCobbler]

Just look at the first five posts though. so bloody rude. I am not excusing name calling, but is it really necessary to be so vile? I don't think so.

[Retropear]

Sorry but the early posts were vile.

But hey that got what they wanted.

[DaVinciNight]

Yes there was some vile attacks on the OP telling her that she was a crap parent and 'how on earth did you notice before that his handwriting was poor?!?' Type of comments.

Tbh if you do notice and insist for some help with the teacher, then you are one if 'those' parents.if you don't do anything because the school hasn't flagged anything so you assume your child is doing ok, then you are a crap parent for bit having noticed the issue before. And If you try on your own, which the OP did then you are likely to bebtd you are doing it wrong.
Talk about putting people in impossible situations!

[Retropear]

were

[poorbuthappy]

A lesson learned...asking for help on how to correct your child's pencil grip is a whole world away from slagging off 7 years of teaching/teachers.

You tend to find especially on AIBU that whichever tone you use in your OP is the tone of the first few replies.
There have also been a lot of good responses including links showing you the resources available to help your child.

So as someone up there said, suck it up, move on and help your child.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Good grief.

Why in gods name do hundreds and thousands of parents send their children to school if not to be taught and why do they employ teachers

If they are not meant to actually teach.

Surely if all parents should be expected to teach better than a fully qualified teacher then we would have far more parents actually doing so.

[Soapysuds64]

I am sorry you have got such a response Solo - my DD has similar issues which have not been adequately addressed at school. I mentioned my concerns when she was 6, and waited, waited, waited for something to be done. I also trusted the school, but this was a BIG mistake and I have now become a lot more pro-active. I share your frustration - I have no idea how to teach her handwriting, the school will not do it and it is not as easy as many posters (who do not have experience of this issue) would believe. She had an Occupational Therapy assessment which has helped with providing the correct grips, cushions, slopes etc etc - well worth getting this sorted. Strengthen finger muscles using modelling clay, scrunching up paper etc etc. And do your best to go through the handwiriting books you get from Smiths.

Good luck.

[thetoysarealiveitellthee]

Fuck me, I was considering writing a similar post OP but I definitely wont now.

You have my sympathies, it IS a teachers job (I know right? Expecting a teacher to, you know, teach crazy! ), as parents we can support this when we can, however for some its hard. I work FT, don't get home until about an hour before he is due to go to bed, so don't really want to spend my only hour a day with him in misery battling over his reading / writing.

I don't know what to suggest OP, as I say I was going to ask similar but definitely wont now. Cant believe some of the responses you have had

[isabellavine]

My writing is, and always has been, an absolute mess. It looks like a spider crawled onto the page, had a fit, and then expired dramatically.

Fortunately, no-one ever sees it because most of us use computers all the time. I only ever write to sign my name these days, and people don't mind a signature looking incomprehensible. I can type much more quickly than I can use a pen. Not being able to write well didn't stand in the way of me getting a PhD.

I don't think people should be too worried about traditional writing skills, though I do think that, as with all learning, it's a partnership between parents and school and teachers can't be held solely responsible.

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

I don't know what to suggest OP, as I say I was going to ask similar but definitely wont now. Cant believe some of the responses you have had

Please post if you want to.

The OP also made some very nasty comments which were deemed so bad that MNHQ deleted them.

[Retropear]

No the op was goaded into retaliating a post that was nowhere near as unpleasant.

The rules re deletion are grey and this thread is a case in point.

You can goad,mock and belittle and get away with it.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

My son was taught how to hold a pen properly at school, and as a former teacher I bought him pen grips and special pens - he still holds the pen in the weirdest way imaginable, I just leave him to it. If he hasn't got it by now I doubt he ever will.

I'll go back and read the thread now as it looks like it kicked off…

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Honestly, scum, is the word comes to mind

wtaf?!

[ElizaDolittle2]

No the op was goaded into retaliating a post that was nowhere near as unpleasant.

I think on this instance we may have disagree. The language used by the OP was extremely unpleasant.

[HumphreyCobbler]

I do think that the op reacted very badly.

But look at her op. It is the op of someone at the end of her tether. I am NOT excusing her, but are people on this site so lacking in basic kindness that they cannot manage not to pile in and start the kicking?

[Retropear]

And write a load of baloney with an assurance they have decided is correct.

[Retropear]

I really despair with MN sometimes.

[BrianTheMole]

Don't run off op, talk to me. Is your ds left handed? I had the claw hand too, for the past 40 years or so. I never really thought anything about it, until I was teaching dd to write her letters and realised I couldn't teach her like me. So I googled practice videos for forming each letter in a cursive style, so I could show dd how to do it properly. The flip side of this is that I no longer have the claw!! Really, my writing is so much nicer, and I write in the tripod style. I'd go back to basics and try this.

[HumphreyCobbler]

It is depressing. I have heard people in RL talking about how vile mumsnet is, based on their experience of posting in AIBU. It seems to be a license to be mean, like nasty, bullying playground behavior.

[5madthings]

The morrells handwriting books and info re writing is good, my nine year-old has been doing them at home and school to improve his letter formation. They also recommend some special pencil grips and exercises for helping with fine motor control etc.

Apparently the way kids hold Xbox controllers etc gets their hands and fingers used to moving a certain way which isn't so good for handwriting. Sorry it was explained better than that to me but I can't remember. Will Ser if I can ffind a link to the workbooks.

[5madthings]

//Www.morrellshandwriting.co.uk

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I'm really sorry you've had a bad week OP, that's rotten and it can make us over react over minor things but calling people 'angry arseholes' is not the way to get people to listen, that just gets people's backs up.

[whois]

I have a dodgy pencil and pen grip and awful writing. If I try and hold a biro or pencil 'properly' it's even worse - no amount of practice with my mum or school really improved my grip. The only thing that does help is writing with a fountain pen - there is something about the nib and flow of ink which means I am much better.

Just saying it's probably not really the schools fault. My mum was super involved and noticed from reception I wasn't holding pencils right and it didn't really improve things.