to feel upset that primary school has failed to teach my son ( age 11) to write properly?

[SensingSolo]

Had a difficult weekend, but I'll spare the sob story, and this feels like another straw on the camel's back ...

I decided to help my son improve his handwriting, for the second time in his primary school career. It was so bad around Y4 that I had to go to the school and ask for some advice as to how I could help him at home , which I did as best I could.

Recently, I have noticed his handwriting is still poorly formed and have decided to have another go before he starts secondary school.

However, what I have now realised is that a lot of it is to do with the WAY he holds his pencil - like a claw! This is going to be hard to correct after such a long time, and my son was very upset at having to change it. Assuming we can of course, after 6 years of doing the wrong thing? Anyone help here btw?

I feel soooooooo hacked off that the school have not taught him the correct "tripod" way to write (which makes it so much easier and clearer). There seem to be so many things that primary schools do now in a huge curriculum (with a lot of political correctness thrown in). But really all I want my child to do is learn to basically read and write and some simple maths. I can do the rest.

Feeling both angry and upset at having to now do this, when I think its a teacher's job. Now, I feel like I have to teach my child to write all over again. Neither of us are relishing the thought ...

(p.s. we've left that school, so no point in going back and complaining).

What do I do now? Can I help him?

[Meeeep]

Also bizarre you would go to a mumsnet meetup when this is your first post

[AlarmOnSnooze]

honestly, do none of you have any empathy at all?

maybe you haven't experienced being left high and dry by a school/teacher even when you have pointed out a difficulty/deficit. I have, and the OP clearly has.

I have spent a large part of the last 8 years, since my own dc's difficulties became apparent, researching how best to help them, and workign out what I can do. Usually my efforts are ignored or belittled by my dc's schools (multiple different schools over the years, across a huge range of difficulties)

Sometimes, I have been so busy fighting fires in one corner, that other, slightly more subtle, yet with massive implications, difficulties have gone unchecked - until, that is, the problems become all too apparent. This has happened to me and mine form the other perspective too - difficulties ignored by teachers, or acknowledged in a 'it'll be ok and iron out' kind of way, for it to become apparent, a couple of years on, that they HAVEN'T, and now the problem is far bigger than it ever should have been.

Clearly, the OP is having trouble seeing how to help her ds with is handwriting. She has tried before, but not managed to sort it completely.

Expecting a bit of input, form the so-called professionals, when a problem has been pointed out and advice sought, is not actually asking a lot.

[HumphreyCobbler]

As a teacher I DO think it is the school's responsibility to teach writing.

I think the OP already had had a lot of stuff going on in her life and has not needed the rude replies she got to start with. She has responded by being even ruder back, possibly because she is at the end of her tether.

I hope there are not a million more threads lambasting her, even if she is being rude, it would be like bullying.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yabu

But thanks for making me laugh OP. Bless.

[AlarmOnSnooze]

oh, I agree with touch typing too.

dd1 (has severe ASD and lots of motor and planning issues) learns to type alongside her writing work. We started because she was getting so demoralised by not being able to write acurately that she was giving up. Typing enables her to get her message across (she LOVES typing notes for me about her day), and means that she can work on writing/pencil grip/letter formation as a technical exercise, because it is separate from her completing work, iyswim.

[AlarmOnSnooze]

Also, if your ds is struggling so much with writing, can you look into the school allowing him a typing device (there are specific ones like the Neo range, or a netbook, or an ipad etc) to help him get work done in class/exams? this is allowed under certain circumstances.

[AllAboveBroad]

Alarm that is a good post. But I still stand by the fact that having problems in your life does not give someone permission to be so rude. The OP had plenty of good advice but chose instead to react angrily to the few posters who voiced a differing opinion. Others have advice as they could.
This is AIBU, not All Agree With Me.

[SanityClause]

Is there some underlying issue?

DD1 hold her pen in the "wrong" way, but has perfectly neat and legible handwriting.

DS, on the other hand, has loose joints in his hands (he has been assessed by an Occupational Therapist). His handwriting is so poor as to be practically illegible. Also, it is tiring for him to write much, so his output is limited.

He has gone up to the top set for reading comprehension and regularly gets 90% or more in tests, now that he can touch type and is allowed to use a small laptop computer in class. (The computer is a small, inexpensive notebook. It does have internet access, though not at school, but is not powerful enough for it to be used for anything much but schoolwork.)

He went to one school up to year 2 and joined his current school at 7+. Both schools have given him additional handwriting practice, and other hand strengthening exercises. They have tried various different pens and pen/pencil grips. I can't fault their input, but really, trying to improve his handwriting was not what was needed. He just needed to learn to type, and use a computer.

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

OP

I understand your frustration, however you have started name calling and that isn't right or fair.

You asked if YABU so you will get a variety of responses.

Personally I don't think YABU and you need to talk to the school again.

I do think however your responses and attitude is unreasonable.

[AlarmOnSnooze]

AllAboveBoard, I do agree that rudeness isn't necessary.

That cuts both ways, though - the initial replies weere snidey, nasty, and unnecessary. I have been where the OP appears to be - at the end of my tether, not havign anyone help me, drowning under the weight of responsibility that is sorting out some huge problems which the professionals haven't noticed/bothered to do anythign about, and panicking about not being good enough to do the job.

It isn't fun.

I think the majority of posters on this thread should be ashamed of themselves. The OP is clearly distressed, facing a huge uphill struggle because she and her ds have been failed by the poeple who should have helped them, and asking for help.

Instead of help, she got slated as a parent, despite it being obvious from her post that she had already tried to help.

Disgusitng behaviour.

[bochead]

Not wanting to contradict the teachers methods is a common issue for parents - they are the professionals after all. I think some posters on here have been far too harsh on the OP. The point is that she HAS noticed and is trying to do something about it now, which is important. Lots of children hold their pencils correctly in KS1 and then fall into bad habits further up the school, when it's no longer part of the explicit lesson plan.

OP - this why I took my son out at the start of year 5. I realised that the very full curriculum wasn't allowing him the TIME he needed to master the basics of the 3R's. A lot of this was down to late diagnosis of his SN's, meaning a real lack of support in some critical areas. My knowing there was an issue at 3 didn't translate into concrete help at school in this area. We are now homeschooling for a few years so that DS's time can be targeted at the 3R's before it's too late.

Don't beat yourself up OP - handwriting without tears, or write from the start can both help LOTS with handwriting as can the SN forum on this site. It may also help to use a writing slope & a good grip pencil www.amazon.co.uk/Stabilo-EASYgraph-Graphite-Pencils-Right-Handers/dp/B002SN9R2E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1401790749&sr=8-1&keywords=stabilo%20pencils%20right%20handed&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Holding the pencil/pen wrongly is a VERY common error - to the point where if you look round any office, just like correct sitting posture - there will be several who don't hold their pen correctly either. It's not the end of the world and it is correctable unless there's an undiagnosed SN at play.

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

As a teacher I DO think it is the school's responsibility to teach writing.

I think the OP already had had a lot of stuff going on in her life and has not needed the rude replies she got to start with. She has responded by being even ruder back, possibly because she is at the end of her tether.

I hope there are not a million more threads lambasting her, even if she is being rude, it would be like bullying.

I agree that the OP may have other issues going on in their lives, so have many people. Calling people bitches and scum however could be seen as bullying aswell.

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

Sorry, bold doesn't seem to be working on my phone confused

[grocklebox]

Ha, paying a tiny bit of attention to the basic elements of our kids education is perfect parenting? Who knew? And wheres my fucking medal?

And blah blahblah, OP is the only rude one here. Flouncey mcMoan a lot up there.

[AllAboveBroad]

We will have to agree to differ on our opinions of slating Alarm. I think a lot of the responses have been very helpful and informative.

[BravePotato]

The first 5 or so posters were unhelpful, of the "kicking someone when they are down"-kind.

I am also one of those fools who did not know that the school does not teach children to read or write.

It was a hell of a job to help DS catch up once I figure that out (and left me wondering: "but what do they DO between 9 and 4?!")

But the first 5 posters on this thread may want to examine their reasons for piling in with unhelpful smug post, then going all angelic-faced and tutting when the OP gets riled.

[Toomanyworriedsonhere]

I agree - the first few posts were inappropriate, wrong and unhelpful. It's no wonder she got upset.

In what way is the OP "dumping responsibility" by expecting the school to teach her DC to write? What on earth should the school be doing with him all day then?

Sorry you got a pasting OP - there are some ridiculous people on here.

[AlarmOnSnooze]

There have indeed been a lot of helpful posts, AllAbove, and the thread has turned around quite al lot. I hope the OP is still reading, and can make use of some of the advice

(and OP, if you are, please do visit the SN section and ask away - there is a LOT of expertise over there. I think mrz - who posts on the education section a lot - has a good list of OT exercises to help with motor skills/handwriting too. It may be worth posting to ask?)

[HumphreyCobbler]

The OP also did try to help her son.

I really hate AIBU, I should hide it. The disclaimer should say
"You posted here, so suck it up. Bitch"

[DaVinciNight]

sensing you might want to be more careful if the people that have tried to support you on this thread.
I appreciate that some posters have not nice at all but others have tried to support you/give you some advise.aybr some acknowledgement of their help would be nice alongside some less angry wording.

[grocklebox]

Oh come off it people. You can't come on here and say my 11 year old can't write and its all the teachers fault and not expect the first bloody question to be: what have YOU done about it in the last 7 years.
What planet are you on? One where you hand over all responsibility to the school and do FA yourselves?

The question of the title is AIBU to feel upset school has failed to teach my child to write? And the answer to many people is YABU.

[AlarmOnSnooze]

that first question as answered in the OP, grocklebox. the OP has quite clearly not handed it all over to the school, and has tried to help (and ask for further help).

Do try to keep up.

[HumphreyCobbler]

I won't come off it. I am a teacher. I still don't think the OP deserved all the rudeness.