Nature prevails nurture .. So why oh why must mothers incessantly boast?

[KeepOnPloddingOn]

I am a mother to a 1 year old and I am shamelessly obsessed with my little bundle. I can talk about her all day - but there is good and, well not so good. I am a realist, not a fantasist.

Since joinin the mothers brigade I have noticed many, many mothers (even celeb- infact celebs are the worst!) seem to constantly want to compete and boast about how wonderful their baby/ toddler/ child is.

As there years go by, it seems to be the general consensus is that babies are born with their own innate temperment. I am not saying that nurturing a child is not important (obviously) but I think generally kids are who they are -and parents nurturing simply aids their personality to flourish.

I suppose parents could boast that their kids inherited their fabulous genes, but generally a calm baby is a calm baby. Just like a hyper one is hyper. Its often not down to the mother, so why boast how your dc sleeps all the time and is so chilled and never cries and can recite the alphabet in Latin, at three.... Haha

I know I may sound chippy, I am not. My dd is over all a very happy toddler. But I accept whilst some of it is obviously me, a lot of it is her having her interests met and her being her!

AIBU to get rather bored of all this incessant boasting, would I be ok to next time scream : "Your little Tarquin never cries and slept through at 2 weeks and walked at 8 months and recites the alphabet backwards and is really chilled an happy and ... And ... Well its practically cos of genes woman! How do you explain you nightmare daughter ?"

Ahhh. Thats better.

Oh god! I was told last week that this woman ds, slept through since the night they were born. Climbed out of his cot at seven months and was walking by nine. Oh fuck off!

Have they identified the gene responsible for reciting the alphabet in Latin? Must have missed that scientific leap.

Parents take joy in their children growing, developing and experiencing the world.

Because parents work so bloody hard, and lose so much sleep and have so much stress, that we want some recognition for that. Knowing that my child is happy because she just naturally is (she really is) doesn't give me any payback for the three years of no sleep. I want recognition!

Unjoin the "mothers brigade". Membership is not compulsory

Speech and speech issues are heavily heritable actually. Not Latin per se (see what I did there?) but being precocious or delayed.

Ok I am have already stated i take joy in my daughter ... I am on about parents who incessantly boast - we all know the type now, so quit the pretence :)

Tatty - really? How do I do so :)

I@ve no coment on the boasting apart from smile and move on, so they can bore somebody else.

However, Nature/nurture ime is a mix of them both.
There are many traits of our dc personality and looks that are obvious when me and dh look at them.

Every now and again there are some things that can't be explained.
I know very little about my bm side of family and have no idea of my df or his family. I believe it is ancestral genes in this case.

My dd is nearly 13 months. She has tried a few steps but is in no rush to any more. Im fine with that. I've lost count how many times I've been told she was 'lazy'

"What dd is still not walking? She must be a lazy one!"
No ! She is just a fucking normal baby !

I also teach sport to children, their parents can be truly abysmal.

Not sure whether you are agreeing or disagreeing with nature versus nurture.

fwiw I'm adopted. I'm nothing like my adoptive family, but when I met my adoptive mother, I had unknowingly inherited lots of her family abilities down to the career path I followed. My birth family didn't have a clue, but I ended up in a very similar creative profession to her my birth grandmother.

Nature all the way fr me....

Me and dh have always had an in joke pre
-children that everyone else's children had a reading age at least one year higher. We were wondering were all the poor kids were that had a reading age that was actually their age.

Now every-time our precious little bundle does something joke - oh he has such and such and age of 20 etc.
Course i still think my boy is the very thing in the world and will Obviously go on to cure cancer etc etc.

But actually i have noted a sort of stealth modesty amongst
Most mums I meet including myself. If their baby is particularly good at something they are a bit embarrassed by the compliments. I.e rolling early -but he is growing up too fast and it is a nightmare keeping track of him. Holds own bottle - only mastered it cos milk is their only priority etc. we are all secretly proud as punch :-)

All you need to do to quash this kind of nonsense is to invite someone with multiple babies to join your group.

I have (obviously) raised my twins in the same way at the same time, access to the same toys and educational experiences and they are very different children in terms of character, eating habits, temperament, physical achievements, health, likes and dislikes.

Based on my limited experience I think our parenting has had a lot of influence on how well behaved they are now (although different techniques were required with each child to reach the same point) and standards around manners, working hard at school etc but other than that - they pretty much are in personality they way they were born.

They are delightful and sooooo much better than everyone else's kids though!

Cross post with vanhalen. Not me just noticed it then ;-)

bodica most women i meet are like you describe. I am too. But there are lots of intolerables too!

I love the reading - age example. I have already been accosted and questioned on dds reading (she is one for fuck sake) gah!

I completely agree with you OP

I was annoying smug mother with dc1 who was placid, never ran off anywhere and ate properly up to the table in cafés whilst my friends feral children caused chaos. I thought I'd done a great job! Then I gave birth to dc2. To say dc2 is a handful is an understatement. I fully deserved my reality check.

Nature over nurture I am convinced it is.

vanhalen you are a lucky. Maybe I attract the boasters? Like hunny to a bee. Oh fuck.

I have a mate who I lovely in every way. But my God is she a bore about her pfb. Everyday, I mean everyday she is telling fb how her one year old daughter knows all the colours and can say them all, how she has taken her te docs and pronounced her a genius, how she slept trough from bloody 2 days old or something's as utterly ridiculous. It is embarrasing. The baby doesnt say boo to a goose when I see. Just sits. Its very odd.

Try fixing them with a deathly stare and say 'it's very rude to boast, you know.'
I'm sick of people like this and no longer care about offending them. They deserve it.

My colleague told us today, with a straight face, that his almost 2 year old pfb is a linguistics genius because she said hola on a Spanish holiday. We all fell about laughing. Don't blame him though,we all had our pfb moments.

Bodicea

I know the embarrassment you speak of from having a talented dd. I don't know where to put my face when parents of children who do the same gush over her all the time. They almost forget their own dc or over look their dc to compliment mine.
Some people may think it would be nice to get such compliments but when you say well yours was very good, or I think they are all marvellous they don't stop, but make more complimentary comments.
Now it seems like I'm boasting so for the record, my dd can't add 2+2 and get 4, nor is her English too great.

I used to have a friend with older Dc who insisted that all 3 of hers had been potty-trained by their first birthday. Mine were obviously slow learners!

Haha yes...I particularly love the boasts about how early the child started walking. (delayed walking is actually really beneficial for long-term coordination and motor skills). I just say oh well done, you must be so proud and I look forward to the day my children trounce yours at sport!

Because they love their kids to bits, as do most fathers, and that's genetic too and let's be glad of it!

I don't think that I have seen or heard any boasting, but I think that my inherent assumption that my DD is the best child ever may mean that I naturally filter out any boasting that I hear. Also safe in the knowledge that my DD is the most amazing child ever, I am conscious to avoid boasting (except this once). You are right that I also don't boast because the things that DD does that are great are pretty much down to luck of the draw.

I can't be the only parent who feels a pang of sadness for other parents when they announce the birth of their child as they haven't had the fortune to have my child. Surely at least 90% of parents feel that, in between the times when their child is up in the night for the 5th time or has redecorated their room with felt tip.