Nature prevails nurture .. So why oh why must mothers incessantly boast?

[KeepOnPloddingOn]

I am a mother to a 1 year old and I am shamelessly obsessed with my little bundle. I can talk about her all day - but there is good and, well not so good. I am a realist, not a fantasist.

Since joinin the mothers brigade I have noticed many, many mothers (even celeb- infact celebs are the worst!) seem to constantly want to compete and boast about how wonderful their baby/ toddler/ child is.

As there years go by, it seems to be the general consensus is that babies are born with their own innate temperment. I am not saying that nurturing a child is not important (obviously) but I think generally kids are who they are -and parents nurturing simply aids their personality to flourish.

I suppose parents could boast that their kids inherited their fabulous genes, but generally a calm baby is a calm baby. Just like a hyper one is hyper. Its often not down to the mother, so why boast how your dc sleeps all the time and is so chilled and never cries and can recite the alphabet in Latin, at three.... Haha

I know I may sound chippy, I am not. My dd is over all a very happy toddler. But I accept whilst some of it is obviously me, a lot of it is her having her interests met and her being her!

AIBU to get rather bored of all this incessant boasting, would I be ok to next time scream : "Your little Tarquin never cries and slept through at 2 weeks and walked at 8 months and recites the alphabet backwards and is really chilled an happy and ... And ... Well its practically cos of genes woman! How do you explain you nightmare daughter ?"

Ahhh. Thats better.

YABU!

Nuture prevails over nature!

A doting mother celebrating, applauding and encouraging you every step of the way is a vital aspect of nurturing in the first year or two.

Ahem. 'A doting primary care-giver', perhaps?

OK, doting primary care giver, Parallax80

I have stated several times nurture is influentual - BUT babies are all born with their own temperments

Studies show babies taken away from alcoholic mothers still have the alcoholic predisposition

You can actually tell on the brain scan of a child how well nurtured they were as a baby.

Attachment is the key to normal development, and that comes from your main stable relationships in your first year to 18 months.

Damaged caused by NOT being "doted on" at this age shows up in brain scans, not that it isn't repairable, but it is never quite the same.

Nuture is vital, and this boasting you are complaining about is a vital part of that.

Their time will come believe me as the owner of a 10 year old I can tell you that no child is perfect for ever. My wonderful baby ( who as I was back at work I had know one to boast about too) is now an argumentative 10 year who has days when she would tell you black was white.

AEILF- I am not arguing nurture is not important! I practice a lot of the 'attachment parenting' you are talking of. I am extremely responsive to m daughters needs and always hve been. I hve read books on how fundamental te first 3 years are in brain development etc. I don't agree that boasting is vital though. Thats a bit silly.

I was waiting for the token feminist to have a pop

I was reading with some interest and about to post my own thoughts, but then I spotted this and just thought - why bother?

Look one again I will say it :

A baby is born with their own tempermant. This is a fact! Not my opinion. We as parents need to nurture the baby in order for their personality to flourish to its truest potential. I am nt saying nurture is not important!

piano I am a feminist myself. It irks me rhat down always need to make an issue of it on a non- relative post. Happens all the bloody time. Its boring.

Not down! Someone*

The only person I have really met like this was a father I worked with. He was insistent his 6 week old baby could talk. After some bemused questioning, he kept insisting the baby really could talk using lots of proper words.

"You can actually tell on the brain scan of a child how well nurtured they were as a baby."

You really can't. You can see severe prolonged neglect on brain scans.

Keeponploddingon, attachment parenting is not connected to attachment at all.

Attachment is a neurological developmental process.

Attachment parenting is a modern parenting style which will come in and out of fashion as other styles.

The process of neurological development is not modern, or changeable. It is a fundamental biological fact.

Calmet, there is some very interesting recent studies into the difference in brain scans between children adopted from children's homes at different ages. However good the institutional care was, it could never replace having a proper relationship with a loving parent. These children came to no harm in care, but the length of time they were without the "doting mothers" clearly shows up in the neurological development, however much good food, good routine, beautiful toys, happy nurses, the children had. These findings have been extrapolated into situations where care in families has been poor, although of course this is harder to measure as less documented.

piano I am a feminist myself. It irks me rhat down always need to make an issue of it on a non- relative post. Happens all the bloody time. Its boring.

I really disagree. It needs to happen all the time in everyday conversation for mindsets to change, so that it becomes instinctive.

It shouldn't need an approved platform specifically dedicated to it. We need to welcome it everywhere.

Urgh, mumsnet is making me paranoid about making chit chat about toddler groups, lest I be accused of 'boasting'. For the record, if I say something positive about my kids/parenting experience it's usually because:

• something isn't a problem and I'm relieved that (this time) it isn't.
• I think it's good for dcs to overhear positive talk about themselves (my emotionally abusive mother would often badmouth me in my hearing).
• I'm just making conversation and not whingeing to someone I've only just met.

Since coming on here I've realised that many interpret all of this as boasting, and smugness, and that I should fuck the hell off.

Is it only socially acceptable to moan to other mothers now?

There is middle ground between moaning ang boasting. At toddler groups intended not to go on about my children at all, as this is very boring for others. Talk about the weather!

I tended, not intended. Fucking autocorrect

An enormous amount of it is nurture

But I would say that as a foster carer

I'm currently pleased as punch that one of my kids is about to get 9 gcse's - one who couldn't do very much (anything actually) just 7 years ago due to severe neglect

And I'm far from perfect. Really far. The only thing I've done is continually ask myself what the children need, that is the difference from me and the family she comes from.

If you're child centred you have more chance of getting it close to right.

I eould rather hear parents brag about their children than hear them talk about the weather or, my pet hate, listen to a description of what they are doing to their house.
I quite like the bragging: it can be endearing or annoying, but at least I can get in a bit of bragging myself then.

piano hmm... Well if you think so, at least go about it in a more constructive manner :)

ailf ok, well regardless ... I still am all about my daughters needs and being responsive. So what's the big issue? I belive my daughter was born with her own tempermant and I have influenced her ever growing personality through love and nurture. Ultimately though, she is who she is.

laurie good on you lady :) I would love to adopt one day myself.

Do you think Baby Faith is the product of nature or nurture?