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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nature prevails nurture .. So why oh why must mothers incessantly boast?

83 replies

KeepOnPloddingOn · 02/06/2014 19:19

I am a mother to a 1 year old and I am shamelessly obsessed with my little bundle. I can talk about her all day - but there is good and, well not so good. I am a realist, not a fantasist.

Since joinin the mothers brigade I have noticed many, many mothers (even celeb- infact celebs are the worst!) seem to constantly want to compete and boast about how wonderful their baby/ toddler/ child is.

As there years go by, it seems to be the general consensus is that babies are born with their own innate temperment. I am not saying that nurturing a child is not important (obviously) but I think generally kids are who they are -and parents nurturing simply aids their personality to flourish.

I suppose parents could boast that their kids inherited their fabulous genes, but generally a calm baby is a calm baby. Just like a hyper one is hyper. Its often not down to the mother, so why boast how your dc sleeps all the time and is so chilled and never cries and can recite the alphabet in Latin, at three.... Haha

I know I may sound chippy, I am not. My dd is over all a very happy toddler. But I accept whilst some of it is obviously me, a lot of it is her having her interests met and her being her!

AIBU to get rather bored of all this incessant boasting, would I be ok to next time scream : "Your little Tarquin never cries and slept through at 2 weeks and walked at 8 months and recites the alphabet backwards and is really chilled an happy and ... And ... Well its practically cos of genes woman! How do you explain you nightmare daughter ?"

Ahhh. Thats better.

OP posts:

grocklebox · 02/06/2014 20:34

So glad you've settled that debate, now all the experts can give up and go home! And you with one small baby too, how clever of you to have it all worked out.
Bravo.

Virgolia · 02/06/2014 20:36

I've heard people boasting which is completely normal, it's what we do. But never heard the genes thing.

Original poster

KeepOnPloddingOn · 02/06/2014 20:38

Grockle- pardon? I think you are mistaken in thinking I am professing to be the baby - oracle!

I am merely going by what we are advised today- by the health profession/ literature etc

OP posts:

grocklebox · 02/06/2014 20:41

Its a lot more complicated than that, and you really have no idea why your kid is why they are. Come back when they are a bit older and you have a few more, you might well have changed your tune.

Original poster

KeepOnPloddingOn · 02/06/2014 20:44

I have another on the way. Same place, same time in nine months ok for you?

Odd.

OP posts:

ikeaismylocal · 02/06/2014 20:45

I believe that most of the developmental milestones are genetic and there isn't much you can do to speed things up.

My ds was early im everything, sitting unaided at 4 months, crawling at 6 months, walking running at 10 months sentences in two languages at 15 months, he knew some colours at 16 months.

Dp's entire familiy were incredibly early, they all walked at 9/10 months (he has 3 siblings and 10 nieces and nephews and without exception they were all walking at 10 months) dp apparently spoke in sentences and could say what ever he wanted at 13 months, his family were also advanced verbally as toddlers.

I actually try to not draw attention to my ds's, when people mention that he runs circles around his little friends I just say that I think it's just genetics, dp was the same and he is no better at walking and talking than the average person now.

I do tell little stories about the things my ds does but it's in no way to boast about how amazing it is, it's mostly just stories that only parents might find amusing ( like ds waving bye bye to his willy when I put a new nappy on).

Original poster

KeepOnPloddingOn · 02/06/2014 20:52

Ha! ikea love that! Bless him :)

My dd is also speaking in sentences (only a couple) and is 13 months ... But Apparatnly I did. She isn't walkin though, and whenever my mates comment on how much she say I always say its down to genetics and the fact she isn't walking , so she can concentrate far more on her speech! Its not something I would go around boasting about, I would feel a right silly tool.

I was a really smart kid and now i struggle to remember how to spell my name some days hahsha.

OP posts:

AnaisB · 02/06/2014 20:56

I hardly ever hear parents boasting and when I do it makes me smile. I'm sure I'd get annoyed if I had to listen to lot of it though.

I think your nature/nurture thing is a bit of a red herring though. It's just boring to hear about someone else's child's achievements - it would be no more interesting if the achievements stemmed from parental input.

Original poster

KeepOnPloddingOn · 02/06/2014 21:11

Mmm. No, but it would atleast explain the boasting, anais

OP posts:

maddening · 02/06/2014 21:18

I've yet to meet these people in real life - in general chat you hear people giving updates about how their dc is doing usually in response to "how is he/she doing?" But never really this boasting -.I think you either know a few self absorbed twats or are reading something into general cliched small talk.

Original poster

KeepOnPloddingOn · 02/06/2014 21:27

maddening I will go with the former ... Obviously :)

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millionsofpeaches · 02/06/2014 21:38

Not sure about the whole nature/nurture thing as they get older, but hitting milestones when they're babies is something that happens when it happens I think.
Re competitive parents, I experienced this the other day at baby group. Woman sat next to me asked how old dd is. Turned out she was two weeks younger than her ds who was crawling all over the place. She said 'not crawling yet then?' and made a head on one side pitying face! No not yet said I and turned away. Actually dd crawled two days later but who cares. I do not need some random woman's sympathy because my 8 month old wasn't crawling.
I think the best thing to do is just a short polite reply and ignore it.

MistressDeeCee · 02/06/2014 21:43

Hah! Reminds me of when my DCs were young. A mate of mine who was also a neighbour regularly popped over...all wide-eyed and earnest looking "Oh!! Isnt your little one toilet trained yet? My Sarah was fully potty trained at 8 months...at 9 months would you believe I actually woke up and realised she'd gone into the toilet, climbed up and did a wee all by herself? (no I don't believe it you dozy cow)

"My Sarah was walking at just over 6 months, oh isnt your DC walking yet? Then again My Sarah did everything early she's sooooo bright"

Ive annoyed myself even thinking about it all these years later.

crispyporkbelly · 02/06/2014 21:48

Me and my friends just generally moan about how little sleep we had or whose woke earliest

Timeisawastin · 02/06/2014 22:16

I have seen a 6month old baby walking (at a clinic when I was a student nurse). It's not particularly comfortable to watch, I wouldn't boast about it if I were the mother. It looks odd.

Original poster

KeepOnPloddingOn · 03/06/2014 06:51

Lol time ^ this exactly!

Me and my friends generally out moan eachother haha. But I do know of others who seem to have this need to tell you how bright and advanced their dd is at every possible chance, and then say they're told its because of them being such a calm parent. Piss off. Lol

OP posts:

Original poster

KeepOnPloddingOn · 03/06/2014 06:53

I do realise I sound chippy, but I genuinely am not. I honestly have no reason to be :)

OP posts:

Brabra · 03/06/2014 07:11

Actually I completely disagree with you, there I said it! My babies really were amazing. Slept through from birth, never cried, we're just soooo easy, and i do think it was to do with me being very very relaxed. However, now that they are teenagers they are complete arses, and I think it is that same relaxed parenting that caused it.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 03/06/2014 07:21

at brabra

Original poster

KeepOnPloddingOn · 03/06/2014 07:23

brabra mmm... Who knows :) I just have scores of family and friends who have easy and not so easy kids. How is that explained? They have the same parent but are totally different.

OP posts:

Original poster

KeepOnPloddingOn · 03/06/2014 07:25

brabra I have family that are midwives. They often say it is rather worrying if babies never cry, to is how they are supposed to express themselves... When you say never, do you actually mean never? Were you not a tad concerned...?

OP posts:

Tricycletops · 03/06/2014 07:33

I take it boastful fathers are ok then? Or do you think it's something only us poor little women do to fill our empty days?

Original poster

KeepOnPloddingOn · 03/06/2014 07:37

tricy ha! I was waiting for the token feminist to have a pop. Please, I don't come across fathers at baby groups- so shoot me.

OP posts:

parallax80 · 03/06/2014 07:37

Surely there are oodles of possible explanations as to why it's a bit of both.

The experience of being a second or subsequent child is very different from being a first. Not that it's necessarily worse or favouritism is at play - it's just very different. It's also very common that people's life circumstances change between children - jobs, work hours, where they live, other friends and family involved and to what extent. Which is nurture. How much this impacts on any of the children will depend on their innate nature and the natures of any others involved (parents / siblings etc) as well as the size of the changes.

Also, what one parent perceives as 'easy', another might see as more difficult. Which all depends on your own nature as well as what you've been nurtured to believe is desirable.

So, a bit of both!

Lanabelle · 03/06/2014 07:38

Nature doesn't always prevail over nurture, if that was the case I would be a lonely alcoholic junkie with none of my kids living with me and an asshole boyfriend that changes week to week. Luckily I was taken away and nurtured by a wonderful woman who taught me all I needed to know and even though she wasn't my 'mum' she will always be my mother figure.

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