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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want other peoples kids to eat all my bloody food

68 replies

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 02/06/2014 14:19

We had a BBQ at the weekend and DHs family including various nieces and nephews came over. There was loads of food being cooked and plenty for everyone, we have ended up cramming the freezer full stuff left over. Yet when I to make DD a cheese and ham toastie yesterday there was a piddly bit of cheese left, 1 slice of bread and an empty ham packet in the fridge. First thought was DH has been a greedy sod, but he said it wasn't him and he wouldn't ever put an empty packet back in the fridge cos he knows I'd kill him. Looking further in the fridge and cupboards we had depleted amounts of chicken slices, grapes, crisps, juice and crackers.

Bumped into SIL this morning in the supermarket (topping up on food that was lost) and passive aggresively joked that I must have borrowers as our food is dissapearing and she said "Oh that was the kids on Saturday, you know what they're like their stomachs are a bottomless hole and they got bored of BBQ food." No apology or further explanation (3 of the kids were hers btw and I suspect it was just them taking the food as the other nieces and nephews are 2-3 years old).

AIBU to think this is not on? Were not on the bread line but it annoys me when DD is hungry and I don't have what she wants on hand cos someone elses kids have nicked it. I adore my nieces and nephews, and I know it's not their fault and would never hold it against them, but surely BIL or SIL should have told them to ask before they took our grub, or just at what had been cooked? They are 12, 9 and 8 btw.

Am I just being a grumposaurus?

OP posts:
Original poster
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 02/06/2014 14:20

And if AINBU or a grumposaurus how do I raise the subject next time they're over without sounding like a bitch?

OP posts:
wowfudge · 02/06/2014 14:23

And she knew about it, but didn't have the courtesy to ask if it was okay if they did that or tell you afterwards? Mind you they are all old enough to ask themselves?

If there is food on offer then unless you are allergic to it or cannot eat it for a bloody good reason you don't go helping yourself to other stuff!

YANBU.

QueenofallIsee · 02/06/2014 14:24

No you are not - I would be very annoyed about that if I had put food on for a party and people were rooting in my cupboards taking food I had brought for lunchboxes or something. Not sure that you can bring it up without sounding ridiculous though! I have a really open house but I still expect people to ask before taking something (as I also expect them to mainly serve themselves #slattern)

QueenofallIsee · 02/06/2014 14:26

and by the way, at 12, 9 and 8 they are old enough to bloody well tolerate food even if bored of it!

wowfudge · 02/06/2014 14:26

I think next time you see her/speak to her you just mention that when you saw her you were buying XYZ that they hadn't told you they had eaten and ask that she tells her kids they need to ask whether they can have something and not just help themselves.

WooWooOwl · 02/06/2014 14:28

Yanbu, it is incredibly rude to just help yourself to food in someone else's house, child or adult. Sometimes a host will tell people to help themselves, but even then it's only polite to check that what you want to take doesn't have a planned use elsewhere.

You are not being grumpy, your SIL and her children have very bad manners. Whether you are or aren't on the breadline is irrelevant.

Next time you invite them over just say they need to let you know and ask if there's anything else they want as soon as they arrive.

WowOoo · 02/06/2014 14:28

I've been a grump bag about it too recently.
Have you told your family they should ask next time?

I was a bit of a meany at a small gathering last week:
This is the food on offer. Ask if you really think you want something else. Be prepared for me to say no. I might not have it.

At their age, they should be able to handle it. I had a 9 year old moaning that I didn't have watermelon. I was looking at his mum waiting for her to say 'Don't be so rude', but she found his strop hilarious.

I think some people are far more relaxed about things than me. But, I'm so aware of our food budget I get uptight when it's running very low. (so I'm a crap host!)

MaxPepsi · 02/06/2014 14:30

YANBU

However, I must admit, if we do a bbq for a few folk party I also do other extra food eg sandwiches, pasta, quiche etc

BUT it's already out for them to help themselves.

I would be bloody livid if anyone went rooting through my cupboards!

Aeroflotgirl · 02/06/2014 14:40

Yanbu she us very rude. You don't just help yourself, you ask!

Runesigil · 02/06/2014 14:43

it is incredibly rude to just help yourself to food in someone else's house, child or adult.

Absolutely, I'd have gone ballistic.

Lobbing · 02/06/2014 14:44

You're not being unreasonable at all - I'd be annoyed if my own kids did that. Next time I'd keep an eye out and direct them towards the food provided.

OddFodd · 02/06/2014 14:45

I wouldn't even open my sister's fridge except to get milk when making us both tea and I would be furious if my kids helped themselves to food in someone else's fridge. How bloody rude.

Can you have a word with your brother?

expatinscotland · 02/06/2014 14:50

YANBU.

phantomnamechanger · 02/06/2014 14:52

totally rude to help yourself, and those kids are old enough to eat what there was on offer. even in our own house DH will always ask if something is allocated for any particular use before grabbing a snack. this is not me being controlling, its about him being courteous to the one who does all the planning shopping and cooking!

as for the simpering parent who though her kid having a strop and demanding watermelon from a host was cute and funny, well, words fail me. talk about making a rod for your own back, some people have no sense at all.

CeliaFate · 02/06/2014 14:56

Yanbu, it's so rude. When you are a guest at someone's home, you don't take things without asking!
My (adult) niece came to lunch the other week and 3 desserts were on offer. None were to her liking, so she asked me if I had any ice cream. I did as it happened, but I had enough to do without ferreting through my freezer trying to find the fecking tub of ice cream when I'd made 3 desserts!

I may be a mardy arse though, but it riles me.

diddl · 02/06/2014 14:56

"Oh that was the kids on Saturday, you know what they're like their stomachs are a bottomless hole and they got bored of BBQ food."

ShockShock

How did you manage to not tell her that she could have had the decency to not let it happen tell you, or next time if there is one, take the kids home to eat the contents of their own fridge!

You can see where they get it from!

AmenGirl · 02/06/2014 15:12

I was hoping this was a thread about other people's children eating your food in general. I find it so annoying. Parents who can't be bothered to buy/bring any food for their kids and so say 'Ooh can baby just have some of yours?' NO. It's not cute it's annoying. I don't go to a restaurant and pay for a meal to share it with your hungry toddler!

CiderLover · 02/06/2014 15:23

Could it be that your children offered them some alternative snacks?

I think I would be SLIGHTLY less annoyed because theya re family. I wouldn't blame the mother though, as you said it so passively she probably didn't think it was a problem. I'm sure if you had told her how much of a problem it was she would have replaced it....maybe.

Like others said, if I was at someones party I wouldn't even go into their fridge unless it was to geta beverage I had bought. Strange but kids are kids

susiedaisy · 02/06/2014 15:32

Yanbu food is expensive you don't just root through people's cupboards it's rude.

Stinkle · 02/06/2014 15:42

YANBU

We had a BBQ a few weeks ago, came in from the garden to find a friend's kids climbing all over the kitchen work tops raiding our fridge/cupboards with their Mum standing there watching.

They had fistfuls of stuff.

I took it all away and sent them back outside - there was loads of food, even a big bowl of Haribo and lollies even if they wanted sweets

I was seriously unimpressed

diddl · 02/06/2014 15:44

I think that I have odd kids.

They've never had snacks on demand or been a "bottomless hole"

MaryWestmacott · 02/06/2014 15:50

don't invite them again, they don't like BBQ, so they don't get an invite.

Really, she's rude and she's teaching her DCs to be rude, who will grow up and as young adults will piss off houseshares and friends because their parents have failed miserably to teach them how normal people behave. Learning what is and isn't rude is important life skills so you don't grow up to be the wanker in a group situation.

RabbitPies · 02/06/2014 15:56

Amengirl. Do people seriously do that with other people's food?Shock

Quangle · 02/06/2014 15:57

I don't even help myself to a cup of tea at my dad's house - let alone go rooting through the fridge for other goodies.

Rude rude rude.

KoalaDownUnder · 02/06/2014 15:58

YANBU.

How rude. I don't understand why anybody would let their kids behave like this in someone else's house. In fact, we wouldn't have been allowed to behave like that at our own house! (Raiding the kitchen because you're 'bored' of the food on offer, jeez.)