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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want other peoples kids to eat all my bloody food

68 replies

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 02/06/2014 14:19

We had a BBQ at the weekend and DHs family including various nieces and nephews came over. There was loads of food being cooked and plenty for everyone, we have ended up cramming the freezer full stuff left over. Yet when I to make DD a cheese and ham toastie yesterday there was a piddly bit of cheese left, 1 slice of bread and an empty ham packet in the fridge. First thought was DH has been a greedy sod, but he said it wasn't him and he wouldn't ever put an empty packet back in the fridge cos he knows I'd kill him. Looking further in the fridge and cupboards we had depleted amounts of chicken slices, grapes, crisps, juice and crackers.

Bumped into SIL this morning in the supermarket (topping up on food that was lost) and passive aggresively joked that I must have borrowers as our food is dissapearing and she said "Oh that was the kids on Saturday, you know what they're like their stomachs are a bottomless hole and they got bored of BBQ food." No apology or further explanation (3 of the kids were hers btw and I suspect it was just them taking the food as the other nieces and nephews are 2-3 years old).

AIBU to think this is not on? Were not on the bread line but it annoys me when DD is hungry and I don't have what she wants on hand cos someone elses kids have nicked it. I adore my nieces and nephews, and I know it's not their fault and would never hold it against them, but surely BIL or SIL should have told them to ask before they took our grub, or just at what had been cooked? They are 12, 9 and 8 btw.

Am I just being a grumposaurus?

OP posts:
RabbitPies · 02/06/2014 16:01

And OP. YADNBU.

Original poster
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 02/06/2014 16:02

Rabbit my friend does this with her toddler, "can Sophie have some of your wrap?". No she bloody can't buy her her own food. I can't say no of course, she is 3.

Cider my DD is only 1 so wouldn't have offered them food (aside from shoving a soggy biscuit in their face), they are quite 'entitled' for children and I knew it would have been them when I went ratching (hence mentioning it to SIL). I guess when she laughed it off I thought maybe I was just being an OTT grump, thank god for MN to help me put into perspective!

I think next time they come round I'll have to say "if you want food you need to ask first please" and hope they take the warning. If not then I have license to go nuclear on them Grin

OP posts:
JJXM · 02/06/2014 16:04

It could be worse. When I got married, there was lots of food left over from the buffet and DH's family started emptying it into carrier bags to take home Hmm.

If that wasn't bad enough when we got to our house the next day (where they all decided to stay for free forcing us into a hotel on our wedding night) they'd emptied the fridge of the untouched leftovers including huge blocks of unopened cheese from the cheese board, all the alcohol and even the bottles of champagne we were given as presents Angry

Original poster
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 02/06/2014 16:05

I don't understand why anybody would let their kids behave like this in someone else's house

Koala DH's family have a 'whats mine is yours' mentality, whereas mine sometimes have boundaries with each other. His family treat one anothers house like they also live there, I want everyone to be welcome but it sometimes gets tiring (lots of "ooh I'll borrow that" going on). The BBQ being held at ours is a rarity for this reason!

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 02/06/2014 16:06

I hope your DH gave them a serious dressing down!

QueenofallIsee · 02/06/2014 16:07

Sorry that was to JJ and her cheese stealing in lawS!

CoteDAzur · 02/06/2014 16:12

My niece can eat or use whatever she likes in my home, and I'd like to think the same applies when my DC are at SIL's house.

You might tell her you'd appreciate a heads-up next time they clean out your fridge so you don't get caught out at dinner time with nothing to eat, but that's all that would bother me. If it bothers me at all (depending on how much was left in the fridge).

LaundryFairy · 02/06/2014 16:13

Perhaps your SIL thinks there should be a cupboard in the kitchen just for 'Guest Food' that the children can help themselves to whilst she is off availing herself of the 'Guest San Pro' cupboard in the loo....

JonesRipley · 02/06/2014 16:15

YANBU

I think people should ask before going into your kitchen cupboards

RiverTam · 02/06/2014 16:16

I would have been tempted to dump all my replacement food in her trolley and make the point that if she's happy for her DC to raid other people's cupboards, you assume she's happy to pay for it all too.

I bet their friends' parents just love having them over - in fact, in all seriousness, she's not doing them any favours at all by not teaching them boundaries.

JonesRipley · 02/06/2014 16:16

diddle

Me too. Mine ask before snacking

AmenGirl · 02/06/2014 16:16

Maybe it's just my family Confused Went out for Mexican food on Friday for a big family party and one person brought their 9mo with them (couldn't get a babysitter) and because nothing on the menu was suitable she just kept giving the baby chips off my plate! "Oooh you don't mind do you? She'll only cry otherwise" I would've ordered extra if I'd known... Biscuit

RiverTam · 02/06/2014 16:17

my niece can have what she wants too, Cote, but she needs to ask for it first!

phantomnamechanger · 02/06/2014 16:18

Grin laundryfairy!

CoteDAzur · 02/06/2014 16:19

Yes, I would expect to be asked, too.

From your thread title, I got the impression that you wouldn't want them to eat the food in your fridge, regardless of whether they ask first or not.

QueenofallIsee · 02/06/2014 16:20

I don't like the kids food sharing thing. Was out with my (usually sane) friend and stayed at the table to watch the baby while she ordered our lunch. My side order arrived covered in cheese ( I don't eat cheese). My side is wrong says I.. 'Oh no, I ordered it with cheese so DD could have some says friend 'she only likes it with cheese'. So I am stuck with half my order but she still wanted me to pay for the side!

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout · 02/06/2014 16:25

It's your house so you're entitled to be peeved. Nothing worse than going to the fridge for something and it's not there. However I must say I am surprised that you refer to your nieces and nephews as other people's children as their auntie. they're practically your own kids. I have a nephew and far as I'm concerned as his auntie he's mine. xxx

ForeskinHyena · 02/06/2014 16:26

Cheeky cah Queen! I'm not a food sharer, DP has learned after much protesting not to offer his dd food off my plate.

Grrr.

ForeskinHyena · 02/06/2014 16:27

I also say "no rooting through the fridge please" as she opens the door and starts looking for snacks. That's usually the signal for him to take them to McDonalds home.

OddFodd · 02/06/2014 16:28

Why would other people think it's okay for their children to eat your food? And even order your food wrong? Good grief Shock

I think I've heard it all on here and then something goes and shocks me again!

CoffeeTea103 · 02/06/2014 16:28

Yanbu in wanting to be asked first however you sound really spiteful towards your niece and nephew. So what if they wanted to eat other stuff?
Seriously it's just food, no need to be PA with their mother over this, it's embarrassing really.

BrieAndChilli · 02/06/2014 16:29

We have family to stay and stay with family often, it's always said "help yourself to what ever you want, you know where everything is" and is genuinely meant but we all always still ask the host of we can have something, apart from cups of tea but whoever makes offers everyone else one. Exception is breakfast as kids generally get up first so we make them cereal or toast but I wouldn't for example make bacon sarnies until the host was up and would ask first.
Our children don't take anything from the cupboards without asking first.

Laquitar · 02/06/2014 16:37

Tbh if you invite people and families with 3 reenagers over for meal then you expect it to cost. Cheese and ham might cost less than bbq anyway. In my family it would have been ok to open the fridge. But only within family, not in other houses.

Original poster
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 02/06/2014 16:44

lifehas I love my nieces and nephews to pieces but they are not my children and I don't expect to have to cater for their paticular needs in that way. There was loads of food at the BBQ so it's not as if I was depriving them. It's why I want to approach the subject carefully, apparently I'm 'cool aunty' and wanna stay this way (although TBF I think that's only by default as their other aunty is a bit of a drip Grin )

CoffeeTea I don't think not wanting people to ratch in your cupboards without asking is spiteful, and as I've mentioned it's not their fault if they have been led to believe it's OK, it was my SILs attitude to it!

OP posts:
pleaseaffixstamps · 02/06/2014 16:45

If I have friends staying, then the cupboards are open to them without asking. However, at a big party the rules are different, and in any case, if I've cooked for someone, I'd be seriously pissed off if they announced their children were "bored" with the food I'd cooked to helped themselves to my fridge.

YANBU.

(And to QueenofallIsee, in that case I'd abandon that side entirely to friend's DD - including the bill for it - and go and order another cheeseless side for myself, which I would pay for.)

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