AIBU to ask for your most entertaining anti swears?

[everythinghippie29]

My DS is 6 months now and I'm becoming more aware that I have a limited time to curb my, er, colourful vernacular.

My problem is I feel quite sad having to give up a good swear. I'm very partial to a well timed 'ass-hat, cockwomble or fucknugget'...

What are you favourite child friendly swears that are creative, funny and enjoyable to say?

Or am I being entirely unreasonable and do I need to let any form of curse go the way of all less savoury pre child antics?

Sugar butties!

Old fashioned 'fiddlesticks' can be pronounced 'fu..uddlesticks'...

I like sticklebacks too but haven't started using it yet.

You clouted boggish foot-licking halfwit!

My favourite Shakespearean epithet.

Shiitake mushrooms!!

Clucking bell.
Normally "arghhh rhymes with CLUCKING BELL!"

Funting cuck

Sugar Honey Ice Tea

If it's OK for Madagascar, it's OK for me.

Also 'darn and drat it'. Very effective as an understatement.

Botheration used as an alternative for bollocks.
Idiots who drive dangerously on the motorway - if in posh cars - are "fascist tax-dodging badger-cullers" which kind of works.

We "James May" in our house (thanks to DH's Top Gear obsession).

As in "oh James May, I've just smashed a plate"... cock for those without Top Gear in their lives.

My stepdad says "oooohhh......CHRISTMAS!"

He's vair posh, maybe this is what we should all be aiming for.

I say pants quite often. I also play online games with Americans. Apparently shouting pants over vent is hilarious and caused a squad wipe

yabu to ask here.

dd is 11 and fab at these almost swears She uses 'bum' and 'crud' as in "oh bum". And sugar honey iced tea too. There's more, I'll have to have a think (although maybe bum, crud.etc aren't the best.things to be teaching a.little one!

I personally like twerp as it's almost but not quite twat

My favourite at the moment is one I saw on a T-shirt "don't be a cotton headed ninny muggins"

"Oh Fu - goodness' sake!"

FIL is quite partial to a good, emphatic "Shiiiiiiine a light!". It's pretty satisfying, I find.

We use 'OOOOOO Kelly Clarkson' in the manner of 40yr old Virgin waxing scene

DH says "schizer Minnelli"

Four foot snakes.

@ kaytola

Ds is a science teacher and having spent many hours moderating the BTEC exams has declared that BTEC is now a swear word. Said forcefully enough it does sound good.

I loved the clip of Frasier Crane saying 'Oh for crying out loud'.

My grandma used to say 'policeman' as a swear word as in 'what the policeman's going on here'.
The police were held in high esteem in my grandparents' household as you can see.

"Oh Conkers!"
Works for me

Mother Fishcakes, from Yonderland. Went down a storm in this house!