Child wants to go home at 2am

[SarahAnderson]

8 year old daughter has a friend to stay over for the first time. Friend has barely ever spent a night away from parents. She goes off to sleep reasonably happy, but wakes and gets upset at 2am. Says she wants to go home. Can't be convinced otherwise. Is there any reasonable course of action other than taking her home at 2am?

I was an anxious/homesick child. My parents ended up collecting me from nearly every sleepover I attempted until age 10 or so.

Once, at this special yearly overnight at my dance instructor's house with the whole company, I said I wanted to go home and she told me no, that it was too late, my parents would be asleep, and too far for my parents to collect me. I made it through the night, I had fun, but I was very upset at what she'd said, luckily I told my dad about it and he was very firm that it would never be too late or too far, that they weren't even asleep at that time and he would have come get me without question if the instructor had called. It was such a relief, the idea of my parents not coming was so upsetting for me - it's stayed with me all these years. If he hadn't reassured me it might have really affected me.

That's my anecdote, I suppose the point is being careful what you say. I'd been on other successful sleepovers, mostly with brownies, where I was simply reassured and distracted into staying and had a great time.

I hope you called her home and took her home (or that her parents came and picked her up). You were up anyway. It's no skin off the host's nose to call and have a child picked up or bundle up their stuff and bring them home.

When I hosted sleepovers for under teenage kids everyone involved knew they could end up like this. Other parents would have been if anyone ever tried talking a DC out of going home.

I would call the parents.

I do wonder how it would work if both households were single parent homes with other kids sleeping. might make a 2am pick up / drop off difficult.

I would also hope that the parent of the visiting child would be available on the phone, and have given warning if this were a known possibility.

What did you do OP?

I would have tried distraction then taken her home!

Our Brownies have to wait until morning before they can ring home. By the time they've had some sleep and breakfast and the fun starts with their friends, they never take up the offer. They do get a bit of sympathy and can have things like small nightlights to feel more comfortable.
On a practical level, we'd have to get parents to collect, and parents are not always avaliable. That's been interesting when a child is ill...

I went to boarding school at 8. I wanted to go home at first, but knew I had to stay. Within a week, none of us really thought of home, we were far too busy with our friends. Possibly as a result of that, when my DS is 8, I won't be impressed with a 2 am call - he can go back to sleep and I'll get him in the morning. Indeed, when DC2 arrives, DS will HAVE to go and stay at a friend's house. I'm sure he'll be fine (we go there loads!), but he really will just have to settle and get on with it.

I agree math.

I would phone the parents and get them to collect if it was that bad.

When we take brownies, it's usually being overtired which causes them to get upset, but they can normally be settled down. Have never had to send one home yet. But have had ds sent home from cub camp.

DD is such an anxious child that I've banned her from going on sleepovers now as she is the child crying at 2am.

I've always made it clear to host parents that she is like this to give them the chance to say no beforehand and those parents kind enough to still offer to have her know that I will come out no matter what time.

IME if you host a sleepover you expect not to get much sleep, either through children being over excited and silky or homesick.

Why would you be mean to a child that wanted to go home? And why humiliate an already upset child by dismissing their feelings as being silly?

However own parent should collect, it shouldn't be down to host to take then home as they already have their hands full.

Bronya, I thought that too.

But IME it depends on the child.

I would be fucking livid if someone told my child I would be proud if they managed to stay at a sleepover. It's not a matter of pride and it's not about the parents. Really surprised anyone would say that.

I always say to the host parents to call me any time of night if my 8yo is upset. I'd be perfectly happy to go and get him. If I had an inconsolable child at my house, I'd offer them anything I could to console them but if they were still sure, then yes I'd phone their parents in the middle of the night and offer to drive the child home. This assumed the sleepover is a fun thing rather than a childcare thing as the parents are away/busy.

I am actually quite shocked that anyone sending an 8yo on a sleepover (for fun) would not have their mobile next to them. I put my mobile on max ringer right next to me when ds was away.

This is why I no longer host sleepovers. You can stay as long as you like but go home and sleep in your own bed. There really is no need for them in pre-teens.

I also don't get sleepovers at that age either, I don't want upset homesick children in my house and I don't want mine needing picking up in the middle of the night. One of mine has had one sleepover ever and the other one none, I'm not keen to change that tbh.

It would depend on the state of the child. If they were genuinely very, very upset, I would probably call their parents. If they were just a bit teary, I would suggest some late night stories on CDs that they would hopefully fall asleep to. Would also talk to them about the possibility of ringing their parents and whether they really thought that was a good idea at 2.00am. Wouldn't be keen on taking her home at that time unless there was really no alternative. Wouldn't want to keep an hysterical child either.

I have memories of my friends dad driving me home in the early hours of the morning when I was primary school age. It was the fact I could go home if I asked that helped me get over my severe home sickness. I think refusing to take a child home at that age could be potentially damaging.

I have taken a child home at a similar time, she was a bit younger though, 6.

I think I'd take the child home.