Child wants to go home at 2am

[SarahAnderson]

8 year old daughter has a friend to stay over for the first time. Friend has barely ever spent a night away from parents. She goes off to sleep reasonably happy, but wakes and gets upset at 2am. Says she wants to go home. Can't be convinced otherwise. Is there any reasonable course of action other than taking her home at 2am?

I'd try to settle her but if she really adamant, I would phone her parents and ask them to come (or at least try to calm her down.)
If my 8 year old was sleeping over, I'd make sure her parents knew I'd come for her at 2am if she got upset but I wouldn't expect them to bring her home.

I would try to calm down, try the dvd and milk suggestion, any kind of distraction and as a very very last resort ring the parents.

Oh god I had this recently. Huge screaming tantrums at 3 am

I got child into my bed and read stories for an hour until they slept again. They were fine in the morning.

Parents had gone out to huge party so would not have been in a position to receive a 3 am call.

A friend of mine did this when we were kids - only as she only lived in the next street, she just got herself up and left the house to go home! Cue my parents running out after her in a blind panic. We'd have been about 6 at the time.

Phone the parents and explain.If my Dd goes on a sleepover I always tell parents to phone me at any time if necessary if a problem arises and I would go collect her . So far no problems though .Even speaking to mum or dad might help the child .

I've picked my DD up few times when she was younger the idea of sleepovers where great but in practise not so great, not like me as a kid I practically lived at other people's houses.

Only once during sleepovers child got tearful wanted to go home after 4days and I tried to reassure her (was a train ride away) so let her phone her mum who in turn gave her a bollocking! I really felt for the girl but did finally manage to console her if that had been mine I'd been there like a shot

I would definitely take an upset child home. No question

I would also want to be called if my DC were upset. But they're only 17 months and 4 months do that is maybe skewing my thinking

I'd ring the parents and ask them if they want to pick up their child. I don't think I'd be driving a child home at 2 am.

I think I'd try putting on a DVD and having a hot milk or hot chocolate on the settee and hope they'd fall asleep! If not or if they're really upset if just phone the parents!

I'm probably in the minority and this doesn't help OP, but I think 8 is too young for sleepovers, with exception of close relatives or emergencies.

I used to get terribly homesick and unfortunately for DD she seems to have inherited this trait too.

A firm 'no'?
Or phone the parents
I had no answer when i phoned. Child accepted that and went back to sleep

I'd want to be called. I had terrible homesickness at that age,so rarely stayed overnight anywhere,and I can still remember that terrible,sickening,lonely feeling when I couldn't settle. I'd want to be called,so I could collect my hypothetical child,no matter the time of night.

did this get discussed with her parents before? it is reasonably predictable tbh. dd was like this and was home ed because of anxiety until we got a school with a genius head who always gave her a way out to a safe place. she was cured in about 3 months after 4 years of anxiety and school refusal. Same principle applies - she needs a reliable escape route to cope with the anxiety. she's not being deliberately awkward; she really wants to do things like her peer group but she needs a bit of help.

I'm the sort of parent who'd ask if this was a possibility and what the other parents would want me to do. I get bemused looks now when I ask if there are any medical allergies/food intolerances I should know about.

However, without knowing all that, I would probably wake up my own DC and work hard on creating a middle-of-the-night slumber party atmosphere with DVDs or board games and snacks. If that didn't work I'd probably phone parents to decide for themselves.

Have the DC's parents said to call them if this happens?

I would always want my child to be picked up when they wanted to come home. They only sleep at PIL and just this week I had to pick up dc a couple of hours early and that had already been brought forward from the next morning. Kids should always know they can go home when they need to and not have to stay where they don't feel happy.

I run brownies and take the girls away on sleepovers and pack holidays and slo help on cub and scout camps sometimes. I have had a few crying brownies over the years, some more upset than others, I've never sent a brownie home, but have had a cub go home on the first night, then stay the next night. We generally go a combination of some of the following, having a cuddle, a drink and a biscuit, a story, talk about all the things we can do tomorrow, how much fun bed time was, How proud mum and dad will be if you stay overnight, how exciting it is being away with friends etc. if they are still upset I would phone home for them to go home as that is what I would expect someone to do for my child, but I would have a really good go at sorting it out and encouraging child to stay away.

I would also never turn my phone on silent if my child was away in case I was needed. If there was a medical emergency, would you not want to know immediately or would you be happy to be told 8 hours later that your child had been admitted to hospital.

I've driven an ill child home at midnight.

I think I would phone parents and leave the ball in their court and desperately hope they come to collect rather than expecting me to drive.

We have yet to reach the sleepover stage (still in playdate stage, which I thought was tricky enough at times!) - this thread is making me think I should never embark on the sleepover stage!

I've had this and the child has been fine with a hug, and an extra teddy to look after. But I would prob compromise on texting their parents to see if they are still up.

Dd once slept next door and was sick in the night and the mum said she couldn't come home - I thought that really harsh and DD doesn't go there now.

This exact thing happened to us a few years ago with DD3s friend.

We took her home.

If my DD was crying to go home at someone else's house one night i'd like to think they'd bring her back. Or ring us up.

Depends on the dc, and how well you know them.

For mine, if it was dd1, I'd want them to phone me and I'd collect. She doesn't easily get upset in that sort of thing, so there would be something wrong.
For dd2, who would appear much more upset, I'd hope they would spend a little time calming her down/distracting. She gets very het up quickly over very little , but is also eminently distractable. A little "treat" of something little, even just a hug and a extra teddy would almost certainly calm her down.

However I would totally accept that you don't necessarily know the children well enough for that.
So what I would do is try distraction as I would for dd2, perhaps a mug of cocoa and a story, if there was no sign of calming down I would phone the parent to ask. If they needed taking back I would expect to do it (after all I'd be pretty awake by then anyway)assuming dh (or another adult) was here for the others.

It did happen at one of dd1's sleepovers (not here) that one child got upset and went home during the night. They were most surprised to wake in the morning and find she was gone.

The only reasonable course of action is not to have her to stay over, until she's ready.

She's obviously not ready yet.

Some kids aren't ready until senior school and some just never are.

I think it would depend on the child, I can straightaway think of some of my DC's friends who I know would have to be taken home and some who would be fine after a cuddle.

You cant just take them home though, as parents may not be in. Phone first

The parents i couldnt contact? Out partying!