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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stop taking photos of anyone until someone takes one of me

83 replies

Pantone363 · 01/06/2014 10:07

I'm aware vanity is unattractive........but it would be nice to have a few candid unposed photos of myself.

I always seem to be the person taking photos at BBQs, parties, picnics etc therefore ending up with none of myself. I've asked DP before we've gone out and said oh would you mind taking some photos tonight, one blurry shot and he's done. The same with friends. We all went to a big party last night, before it started everyone's said oh let's get some nice photos, I took the pass code off my phone and left it on our table so nobody had any excuse not to take photos.

And again there is not one of me. I hate posed photos and selfies and actively handing my phone and asking for a photo because it comes off awkward.

I've woken up to two texts from friends asking to see/forward photos from last night to them and DP woke up 30 mins ago and wanted to see the photos. Looking through them you would have no idea I was even at the party!

AIBU to say 'oh sorry there aren't any something must have happened to my camera?!'

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 01/06/2014 17:24

You just need to make friends with photographers

But no, it's quite sad actually :(

I think it might be a good idea to pretend something happened to the camera and when everyone is all disappointed, say "Maybe we should always nominate two photographers per night to prevent this happening again!"

However I think an open unlocked phone isn't enough of a hint. I don't have a lock on mine but I wouldn't expect people to just assume they could take photos on it. There was one NYE party where I was taking loads, I got bored so put the phone down and said "Anyone take photos if you want to!" - nobody did. About half an hour later I got up and put it in someone's hand and said "Take photos!" and then ran off. When I found it put down later I gave it to someone else. We ended up with lots and for once I was in them! Some nice ones of me and DH (then DP) too which was nice as we'd just got engaged but had no photos of us together!

BertieBotts · 01/06/2014 17:26

And I think some people can be a bit territorial about cameras (and even more so about phones). If you don't explicitly put it in someone's hand and tell them to take pictures, everyone will assume it's not their place. But once a camera has been circling round the group for a while people will assume that it's open property and start using it. I don't think this happens with phones as nobody really notices a phone and will assume someone is using their own.

CorusKate · 01/06/2014 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveBeingInTheSun · 01/06/2014 17:28

You're gonna have to say you've taken the night off next time

GoldenGytha · 01/06/2014 17:36

I'm not going to say YABU because if you would like some photos of yourself then that's absolutely fine. I do find it hard to relate though because I detest having my photo taken, .I really can't stand to be in any photo and it causes me real stress and anxiety if anyone takes one. The very few that did exist I have destroyed and have asked anyone else to do the same. I am the one who will happily take photos for anyone else, just don't take any of me!

Could you ask anyone at these events if they will take your picture? There might be others like me who wouldn't mind at all!

4seasons · 01/06/2014 17:38

I never look as good as I hope I'll look in photos so I don't actually mind being left out of them....sometimes. However, when my BIL was asked by my SIL to take photos of people at my mil 's funeral and wake there wasn't a single one of me and it felt very hurtful at the time. Loads of my SIL in her new outfit looking artfully unposed and even photos of people we had only seen once in ten years but not a single one of me .Spoke volumes to me about my " position " in the family.... Just going in a corner now to stick pins in a little wax effigy of SIL.

MyNewNormal · 01/06/2014 18:38

YANBU. I've always been the family photographer and have accumulated lots of lovely family photobooks that I distribute and that everyone appreciates and yet it's as if I don't exist because there are just a handful of photos of me. I was diagnosed with a serious illness recently and it struck me that my 6yo DD will have hardly any photos of her mother if I die. Now I insist people take my photo and don't care if I sound vain!

AlpacaPicnic · 01/06/2014 19:00

You could try maybe getting some of those disposable cameras and taking one of them with you on a night out? Or maybe a cheapy digital one (if such things exist?)
I wouldn't like to pick up someone's phone and fiddle with it but an actual camera is different! No accidentally reading someone's text messages or accidentally wiping something by being all sausage fingers...

DrizzlyTuesday · 01/06/2014 19:38

YADNBU :( I'm gutted that there's about 2 pictures of me and DD together when there's loads of DP and her from when she was a tiny baby. It's because I think to take photos and he doesn't I think. I did try to mention it but then he tries to take forced photos at that particular point and that isn't what I mean.

Bodicea · 01/06/2014 19:47

Def not being unreasonable. I feel like this too. I am the "official" family photographer. Have a DSLR, into photography etc. All our pics of our little boy are of him and DH. I have to ask DH/ family if I want any of me. They are generally crap. It also annoys me that when I ask people to take a picture with my camera they can't work out a simple thing like pushing the button half down to focus. so the pics end up blurred. By the time I have explained to them, posed , re posed, the spontaneity
has gone, DS getting angry.
Even if I give them camera phone it annoys me they can't work out how to frame a shot/cut off legs/ take it from an unflattering angle!

LucySnoweShouldRelax · 01/06/2014 21:11

Yikes, feel like I should defend the people not taking photos here...

It just does not occur to me to take photos. Never got into the habit. I get distracted by conversations or bright lights and don't think to stop to take a snap. I'm not photogenic, so am always DELIGHTED when it turns up that someone has taken a nice photo of me. Did not realise that this makes me lazy and selfish...

On the other hand, if an event goes by and there are no photos, of me or otherwise, I wouldn't be annoyed that someone else wasn't taking enough pictures, if I really want them it should be up to me to take them. Might try and resolve to take more, and inevitably forget. Most photos I take are happy accidents.

I promise, it's not some evil conspiracy, but if you're the person who has always taken photos and does a lovely job of it, I'm not massively surprised that no one has read your mind and realised that you don't actually want to do it.

treadheavily · 01/06/2014 22:10

Tbh I don't understand why people want to take photos all the time.

Pilgit · 01/06/2014 22:20

Happens to me too. Husband faffs around taking photos of the scenery and of the children. Bil is a pro and takes beautiful photos of my girls, sisters in law etc but I may as well be a ghost. However when asked about it he said he did take them but he knows I am sensitive about my weight so won't post on Facebook. Kind of sweet really. No excuse for the dh though. I might as well be invisible

Eastpoint · 01/06/2014 22:33

YANBU

When my mum died my father was upset there weren't many pictures of her - his fault he never offered to take any. I had pictures of her with my children & he has copies of those now. My DH doesn't take pictures of me anymore either.

MaryWestmacott · 01/06/2014 22:40

YANBU - but next time, when you sit down, say "oh, my phone's been playing up with photos, is yours ok? Great, guess you're the official photographer for the nght! Come here X, Y is taking our photo! Cheese!" and start them off.

With your DP, you'll have to say how much it upsets you there are so few photos with the DCs.

MrsMook · 01/06/2014 23:01

YANBU. There's few of me and the DCs as it doesn't occur to DH. Again, most pictures that I request are blurry or badly composed. There were more in the past as other friends took pictures too, but I'd like a record that I had fun with my family. It could mean a lot to them one day.

NormHonal · 01/06/2014 23:06

Another YANBU.

I compensate for it by buying ride photos at theme parks relatively frequently. Expensive. But at least I bloody get photos of me with the DCs this way.

Until DH starts taking photos of me, I shall continue.

ViviPru · 01/06/2014 23:22

YANBU. I'm a semi-pro and while I'm never without my camera and love photography, my friends do take it for granted. The expectation is that I will always document and share the photos. To all intents and purposes they all get professional standard reportage of their event and but it's always like I was never there! DH often has my back-up kit but as others have said needs prompting to use it. And he gives me the rage twisting the lens like he's David bloody Bailey trying to focus when it's actually set to autofocus.

Thanks for this thread. I'm 9+3 with DC1 to-be and it hadn't occurred to me that it's likely there will be very few photos of said PFB and I unless I pipe up. And I am also considering going on strike as my cronies personal photographer. So NER.

Fishstix · 02/06/2014 18:28

ViviPru are you the original or did you get your name in a mn auction? (Sorry, off topic)

Igggi · 02/06/2014 18:35

It is sad how common this is.

Nunyabiz · 02/06/2014 18:53

It is igggi. And I think you'll find that it hasn't always been this way for most.
Before DC, my DH would harass me with the camera! My cheeks would be sore on holiday trips from all the posing i was made to do. He was proud of me once.
I'm sure he still is, and I realise i sound like a martyr! Lol
It's just a shame how things get overlooked with time.

alsmutko · 02/06/2014 19:08

When I was 35 many moons ago, I did the world tour, alone. You'd think I never actually went to Australia because all the photos, bar one, were of views (lovely though they are). I never thought to get someone on the coach tour to take a pic of me standing next to the Alice Springs sign, until I got the photos printed and realised what I was missing. When I arrived in America I got people to take pics of me with my foot in Humphrey Bogart's footprint, and in front of William Shatner's star. Oh I've got pics of views alright, but the 'me in front of the Hollywood sign' pics are never to be repeated.

So speak up and demand your fair share of the photographic action.

Or practice the selfies!

ViviPru · 02/06/2014 23:30

Fishsticks there might be another but I've always been me on MN for the last 10 years or so...

mommy2ash · 02/06/2014 23:44

i think you would be unreasonable to lie about the pictures out of spite. i wouldn't do that.

why are the pictures being taken from your phone? i would never pick up someone else's phone to take a picture.to me someones phone is private.

i think you need to stop being the one to take pictures all the time and if someone else is doing it and you are part of the group surely that will solve the problem?

123rd · 02/06/2014 23:45

Same! All of our family photos are of Dh and DC. And then when I do ask for him to take one of us he faffs around so much the kids get bored and the photo looks awful I just snap away when I see something nice. I don't feel the need to have everyone "placed" to perfection. Just take a quick snap shot. !

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