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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to get drunk and stay out for hours? And to think not doing so doesn't make me boring?

68 replies

Snowcherriesfromfrance · 01/06/2014 08:29

We had our first 'mum's night out' last night. 8 of us went - all parents of children in the same class at school. I'm reasonably friendly with them, friendlier with some then others depending on if we've had play dates etc.

I don't drink ever due to health issues which has always made me stand out like a sore thumb particularly through university but given all these women are in their late 20s / early 30s and 40s I thought perhaps it wouldn't matter. But it seems nothing has changed! 5 of them were drinking heavily and basically tried to put pressure me and the other 2 women who although we're drinking were not drinking shots etc to get as drunk as them. By 10.30 the drinking mums were singing loudly and behaving like teenagers. Making crude remarks and shouting stupid things at people.

The three of us that were sober tried to make a break for it but ended up being coerced into another bar which was vile. Think feet sticking to the floor, smells like wee and vomit. Someone was sick all over the floor and the bar people just put a chair over it. Ive been to some dives over the years but this was a whole new level. It was rough in there. Particularly when sober I suspect. By 11.30 me and the other two sober mums decided to go home. Drunk mums told us we were 'boring' and 'snobs' and I think two of them have fallen out with us. On FB there are now some petty statuses about 'had a great night shame some people aren't any fun'

Anyway, at the age of 32 Aibu to not get pissed and want to spend my evening in a dark smelly pub? And to rather go out for a meal? I don't think that makes me boring! It's just a different choice I suppose. We didn't say to them not to get drunk and go home - we said to have a nice evening and we would see them on Monday. Why is there such pressure on people to drink?

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 01/06/2014 08:32

The drunks are the boring ones, no question about it.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 01/06/2014 08:33

Yanbu. If they can't accept your choice then tough on them.

EatDessertFirst · 01/06/2014 08:33

I'm with you on this one. I did the getting-drunk-all-the-time stuff at uni. Having a nice meal seems like a much better option.

I can't bear the idea of being drunk and the resulting two-day hangover. I also could never afford to get that drunk and would feel guilty for spending stupid money on a night out I wouldn't even enjoy.

Saying that, its definately a case of 'horses for courses'.

CrohnicallyHungry · 01/06/2014 08:33

YANBU! This is one reason why I don't go out very much, even work dos seem to degenerate into drinking competitions.

PixieofCatan · 01/06/2014 08:34

YANBU. If you don't want to drink, you shouldn't be pressured into it. I don't understand getting wasted and staying out all night, but if that's what floats their boat they can do that together. And get rid on facebook, you don't need the passive aggressive shit!

CrohnicallyHungry · 01/06/2014 08:34

Though now you know, maybe you could arrange to spend more time with the 2 other sober ladies?

Objection · 01/06/2014 08:34

That sounds like my idea of hell, and im 22.
YANBU.

AnyFucker · 01/06/2014 08:35

Yep, I hate evenings out like this too. No enjoyment in that for me at all. I like a drink, but not to this extent as I hate to be stupidly drunk and suffer massively the next day. Just not worth it to me, and that behaviour is embarassing for anyone past the age of 20, tbh

ItsAFuckingVase · 01/06/2014 08:35

First thing is that no you're not boring!

Second thing though is that age shouldn't really have a bearing on whether or not someone can get drunk.

I have some friends that don't go out all that much so when they do they go a bit mad. No harm caused etc.

Personally I like a drink. I work in an environment whereby a lot of our networking is done over drink. I also have a couple of friends outside of work who don't drink at all. The norm for them is generally to come out and go home early (I.e. once we start getting drunk and annoying!!). None of us have ever thought anything of it and have obviously never put PA shit on Facebook about it.

Unless you were being a bit holier than thou about their drinking then I'm.afraid your friends sound like complete dicks.

JuniperTisane · 01/06/2014 08:37

I would be arranging a meal somewhere with your like-minded friends from now on and leave the drunkards to it.

barmybunting · 01/06/2014 08:38

They sound rather childish, particularly with calling you "boring" and writing such nonsense on social media! Everyone enjoys themselves in different ways, which is fair enough but how silly of them to write other people off who don't like their idea of fun. YANBU at all!

Like you, I have never been one for going out and getting drunk bag partying for hours. It took me a few years at uni to get over the 'sticking out like a sore thumb' feeling but now I couldn't care less what others think. I do drink, but would far rather enjoy a glass of wine over dinner with a nice chat than bar hopping for hours.

I bet you feel a lot better than those of them struggling with a hangover this morning! I would just avoid those ones again and stick with the ones you do like. I have never understood the pressure to drink madly and tend to avoid those who think it is something interesting to pressure you into!

Lottapianos · 01/06/2014 08:39

The singing and crude remarks sound mortifying. You deserve a medal for sticking with it until 11.30. Some people think there's only one way to have a good time and its by getting ratted. Not a good look but so much worse when you're trying to bully other people into doing the same

Definitely stick with the other 2 sober mums in future

Mrmenmug · 01/06/2014 08:42

Oh God, back to the playground for them. And the Facebook thing is puerile. They need to grow up.
I wouldn't go out with them again, it's a waste of an evening to deal with people like that.

Back2Two · 01/06/2014 08:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Original poster
Snowcherriesfromfrance · 01/06/2014 08:43

We all have young children too so it's not quite the same as when child free and being able to lie in bed nursing a hangover.
Although one of the mums I know less well said most weekend she's goes out and drinks so much she's sick and that she loves drinking so much she could easily become an alcoholic.
I guess I've never really seen the point of drinking so much you make yourself ill, even when I was a teenager but I appreciate my health issues make me different and most people I know did drink like that at university.

It just seemed like rather than going out to have fun they were going out to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible. But maybe that is fun for them. As someone said up thread it's personal choice and it wouldn't have bothered me except for the fact that they were getting on at us none / lesser drinkers for being boring. It annoys me. As far as I can see there's nothing more boring than extremely drunk people thinking they are hilarious but I didn't say that!

OP posts:
Raskova · 01/06/2014 08:44

I like a drink and I will have shots buy I stop before I become childish and vile.

Falling out with someone, pressuring people to drink and passive aggressive Facebook statuses are the sign of a childish mentality.

massagegirl · 01/06/2014 08:44

Don't go out with them again. Simple! Different people have fun different ways. You've never drunk, they have and probably miss nights out boozing since they've had kids and that's how they want to let their hair down. Find people who share your interests or if you want to hang out with them suggest dinner, cinema etc.

beccajoh · 01/06/2014 08:48

Fair enough that they enjoy a drink, but goading other people over it is just daft.

KeepOnPloddingOn · 01/06/2014 08:49

I'm in

unrealhousewife · 01/06/2014 08:50

Great opportunity to lose some time wasters. You never need to speak to them again and they will probably be content with that too.

Original poster
Snowcherriesfromfrance · 01/06/2014 08:51

Exactly becca
If they'd been drinking and not mentioned what we were doing it would have been fine.
It was the nagging that was annoying and unnecessary. That does it matter to them if I drink or not?

OP posts:
KeepOnPloddingOn · 01/06/2014 08:52

I'm in my twenties and haven't drank for years du to basically being a former piss head. It is horses or courses, but I cant see the fun in all that at all. I guess I am lucky as I don't have the choice! If I drink, all bets are off. I am a mother now so I would never risk it again. My case is slightly more dramatic than most, the sentiment is the same though. YAnBU. I am a former piss head cum foody fanatic... A nice meal wins hands down :)

isshoes · 01/06/2014 08:56

YADNBU. I feel exactly the same as you about nights out. And I too hate the thought that people would think I was boring for wanting to go home early and for not drinking.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 01/06/2014 09:00

YANBU! I like a few Wine myself, and often over-indulge Blush but ^that sort of raucous behaviour/doing shots/calling others boring is a no-no for me. Everyone knows that raucous drunks are the most boring people on the planet unless you're as drunk as them - and they know this too - that's why they want you to be as drunk as them Wink

diddl · 01/06/2014 09:02

YABU for being coerced rather than making a break with the other two!

I agree, I hate the culture of trying to force others into it!

If people want to drink/don't drink-fine, just let others get on with doing what they want also!