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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to get drunk and stay out for hours? And to think not doing so doesn't make me boring?

68 replies

Snowcherriesfromfrance · 01/06/2014 08:29

We had our first 'mum's night out' last night. 8 of us went - all parents of children in the same class at school. I'm reasonably friendly with them, friendlier with some then others depending on if we've had play dates etc.

I don't drink ever due to health issues which has always made me stand out like a sore thumb particularly through university but given all these women are in their late 20s / early 30s and 40s I thought perhaps it wouldn't matter. But it seems nothing has changed! 5 of them were drinking heavily and basically tried to put pressure me and the other 2 women who although we're drinking were not drinking shots etc to get as drunk as them. By 10.30 the drinking mums were singing loudly and behaving like teenagers. Making crude remarks and shouting stupid things at people.

The three of us that were sober tried to make a break for it but ended up being coerced into another bar which was vile. Think feet sticking to the floor, smells like wee and vomit. Someone was sick all over the floor and the bar people just put a chair over it. Ive been to some dives over the years but this was a whole new level. It was rough in there. Particularly when sober I suspect. By 11.30 me and the other two sober mums decided to go home. Drunk mums told us we were 'boring' and 'snobs' and I think two of them have fallen out with us. On FB there are now some petty statuses about 'had a great night shame some people aren't any fun'

Anyway, at the age of 32 Aibu to not get pissed and want to spend my evening in a dark smelly pub? And to rather go out for a meal? I don't think that makes me boring! It's just a different choice I suppose. We didn't say to them not to get drunk and go home - we said to have a nice evening and we would see them on Monday. Why is there such pressure on people to drink?

OP posts:
chrome100 · 01/06/2014 09:04

I don't drink but I love going out clubbing and dancing. I have a great time, even though my friends are usually vastly more inebriated than me. The difference is, they have never once given me a hard time for it. Because they're my friends and accept me for who I am. These women sound very childish.

FunkyBoldRibena · 01/06/2014 09:04

'Yes, the fun ones decided that enough was enough and went home'.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 01/06/2014 09:06

'Yes, the fun ones decided that enough was enough and went home'.

^YY post that!

familygermsareok · 01/06/2014 09:08

YANBU.
I used to drink loads pre kids and spent a lot of weekends nursing hangovers. I really wish I hadn't wasted all that time when I could have been doing something interesting instead of lying in bed. I'm also sure I wasn't the funny, witty, life and soul of the party person I thought I was when drunk!
I rarely drink now and am useful as the driver on nights out. Most of my friends don't often drink to excess either though, but I can really see the disconnect happening when they do get drunker and on a different planet. They have never put me under any pressure to drink or called me boring, that is awful.
You are not boring. They are incredibly rude and not worth wasting any angst on. Unless they posted when still drunk and apologise to you they are not friend material, but that is down to them, not you.

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 01/06/2014 09:18

Totally agree with you op. Ditch the ones trying to make you get drunk and stick with the ones who didn't.

I had exactly the same thing from my anti natal group. One woman got so drunk and rude to other diners, one evening, that I decided to cut the 'friendships'.

MammaTJ · 01/06/2014 09:23

I too went out in a mixed group of drinkers and non drinkers last night. There was none of this nonsense at all. Those who wanted to drink, had a drink, those who didn't want to, didn't!

Some of these were 18/19, some were in our 40s. All more mature than your group sound!

DraggingDownDownDown · 01/06/2014 10:51

I really would not want to socialise in future with them - they are not pleasant people.

TroyMcClure · 01/06/2014 10:59

you do sound a bit holier than thou

why did you even go out?

CoreyTrevorLahey · 01/06/2014 11:07

YANBU. Nothing wrong with enjoying a drink but that kind of behaviour sounds like what I was doing in my last year at school.

If they're still doing it well into adulthood, it suggests they don't have much else going on in their lives to keep them amused.

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/06/2014 11:13

Yanbu

I drink but really don't care if someone else doesn't. I don't think they're boring etc.

Your "friends" sound childish and rude.

MammaTJ · 01/06/2014 11:15

Troy I really don't think the OP comes across like that at all!

Cantremembermyid · 01/06/2014 11:16

why do adult people feel the urge to drink themselves pissef so much?

have never seen this so much in other eu countries I've lived in?

SinisterBuggyMonth · 01/06/2014 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhine · 01/06/2014 11:25

Anyone over the age of about 23 who still behaves like this needs to grow the fuck up. I know a fair few people aged 40+ who do. and I feel so embarrassed for their teenage kids when I look at their Facebooks and see the boasting about how steaming they got the night before.

ItsAFuckingVase · 01/06/2014 11:34

I find it a little odd that people say live and let live, whilst at the same time berating somebody for being over 20 and liking to drink!!

I do like to drink. I like shots. It takes a fair old amount for me to be pissed but it occasionally happens. So what!? I don't think anything of people who don't drink, or of people who get steaming. I've had amazing times both sober and drunk, as have plenty of other people. A good meal is brilliant, but so is a good pub crawl!

Its really rather unpleasant to look down your nose at people for being different to you!

MiniatureRailway · 01/06/2014 11:36

No, you're not boring but neither do they have anything to feel ashamed of. Different ideas of a good night out is all.

WireCat · 01/06/2014 11:42

I don't mind going out & having a good drink. I certainly wouldn't judge anyone who went home early because maybe their baby wakes early or something.

Don't go out with the judgmental people in the future.

Summerblaze · 01/06/2014 11:45

You need new friends.

I don't drink and not for any reason other than i dont want to. I dont like the taste of a lot of alcoholic drinks, hate feeling ill and as i am small, it only takes a couple of glasses to get drunk. If i fancy one then i will have one but generally dont and prefer to drive so no hassle of taxi's.

My "school mum" friends vary in their love of alcohol but none of them get into the state you have mentioned although have been quite drunk on occasion. They also have never pressured me into drinking although i am not the type who needs a drink to enjoy myself, be first on the dancefloor or stay up til the small hours.

I think you are better if without friends like that.

Snowcherriesfromfrance · 01/06/2014 11:49

Yet they looked down their now at me because I wasn't drunk!

I don't care how much they drink tbh I just resent being told I'm 'boring' because I'm not getting drunk like they are. It particularly pisses me off because it is dangerous for me to drink. I don't say to them 'drink less, don't have any more shots' etc so why do they feel the need to say to me 'what are you drinking? Is that just normal coke? Why aren't you having vodka in it?' Etc

OP posts:
rookiemater · 01/06/2014 12:16

YANBU - we always go out for a meal rather than just drinks for our Mums nights out for this reason. I usually really enjoy them as it's great to catch up and I like their company. However at our most recent one, a couple of the people out got really drunk and proceeded to monopolize the conversation for the whole night which made the evening a lot less enjoyable than normal.

curiousuze · 01/06/2014 12:37

Sounds like you're all judging each other to be honest.

TroyMcClure · 01/06/2014 13:47

and you looked down at them because they were!

new friends please!

pandarific · 01/06/2014 14:12

They are behaving very badly and immaturely by posting petty stuff on facebook and calling you snobs. On the other hand, you do sound a little judgy re: them 'acting like teenagers'.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 01/06/2014 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsAFuckingVase · 01/06/2014 16:08

You're both being judgemental!

Fair enough drinking isn't your thing, nothing wrong with that at all. But there's also nothing wrong with drinking shots or getting drunk on a night out either. I never knew that once we've finished uni we aren't allowed to let our hair down any more.