Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be stressing about TTC and BILs wedding

65 replies

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 01/06/2014 06:39

DH and I have been married for 18 months and recently been discussing TTC. Due to my work situation (nearly at a very high level in my profession and want to get this before I take time out) we've decided to start TTC after Christmas this year tentatively waves at one MNetter who knows me in RL.

Now, BIL had a bit of a health scare at the start of the year and I think it put his workaholic, money orientated attitude into perspective. So, very excitingly, he has recently got engaged to his long term girlfriend. She is half French and they have been talking about getting married in a chateau and that they would quite like an autumn wedding.

Now, pure speculation here, but seeing as the normal time to plan a wedding seems to be about 18 months, I'm guessing they mean Autumn 2015. Which means if we start TTC at Christmas and touch wood all things being well, there is a chance I could be either heavily pregnant or with a newborn. If they confirm the date, I really wouldn't want to delay TTC just in case things aren't as easy as we hope.

Has anyone had any experience of similar family circumstance clashes? I'll optimistically say that I wouldn't mind travelling whilst pregnant but that's very easy to say as someone who has never been so! Should I resign myself to the fact that I may just have to miss it and DH go alone if the timings do align?

My only experience with something similar is when my bridesmaid got married in Italy and her BIL and his wife's due date were at the same time and so they couldn't travel... She was annoyed at them for not 'planning around it' as some of her old friends had traveled over from Australia and were 4months pregnant with DC2, apparently timed so they could still come. Hmm

Aware this is all very hypothetical but would welcome any advice. Trying to 'plan' the best time to have a baby is a laughable concept..!

OP posts:
LoveBeingInTheSun · 01/06/2014 06:44

Your last sentence sums it up. What if you want and them they break up before the wedding ?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 01/06/2014 06:50

I don't think it's worth planning your life around someone else's wedding. If you can go, great, if not, you're having a baby so great!

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 01/06/2014 06:51

You can't time babies! Even if you manage to arrange your pregnancy to fit, they can turn up early or late and scupper things that way. Hopefully it will work out perfectly, but if you do have to miss their wedding it's not the end of the world. Good luck!

beccajoh · 01/06/2014 06:51

If you wait until all the circumstances are right you'll never get around to it unfortunately....

yellowdinosauragain · 01/06/2014 06:52

The wedding isn't booked yet and you're not even ttc never mind pregnant. They might mean this autumn. Or change their minds. You might not get pregnant immediately. Worry about it if it happens.

curiousuze · 01/06/2014 06:58

My god, you are overthinking a tad! Smile Just live your life! Anyway it could take you months to get pregnant. Or you might be ill during pregnancy and not able to go whenever you're due. You can't possibly plan for every eventuality.

My SIL came to my wedding and she was due a fortnight later - wedding was in the SE, she lives in NE Scotland. She does pregnancy well though!

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 01/06/2014 07:03

Thanks all! Well aware i am overthinking this. I suppose I'm overly sensitive to it because of the massive fall out after my friends wedding! I suppose what i should really be asking is whether her reaction was unreasonable, i think she was but don't know if I'm unusual in this.

OP posts:
DrankSangriaInThePark · 01/06/2014 07:06

You're not pregnant, they aren't getting married yet!

And if you are pregnant and don't want to/can't go when they do get themselves organized, then being pregnant trumps a yawnsome day smiling for photos and eating cheese and pineapple on sticks!

it may have been a while since I've had to sit through a zilla day, thank Christ Grin

Hissy · 01/06/2014 07:11

Yes but your friend was an idiot! No person is under any obligation to plan their life around someone else's wedding!

Anyone who mattered would be thrilled for you, anyone who was anything less than thrilled can go jump in a lake!

Live YOUR life. Enjoy it.

kalidanger · 01/06/2014 07:15

Maybe they do mean the wedding is this year? You could conceive in the chateau :o

sleepdodger · 01/06/2014 07:17

My bro wedding next aug
Ds starts school next sept
It would be so lovely if we were to have another to mean I could be on leave for ds starting school etc
But
We don't know if we defo want another baby yet
The age gap is starting to get big so if we do should get on with it
For various reasons we wouldn't start ttc till oct TY
Um if first time like last time it's a wedding and baby clash

Honestly what will be will be, crack on with ttc and see what happens should take own advice

Devilforasideboard · 01/06/2014 07:18

We ttc for 4 years and had IVF in the end. I had a very high risk pregnancy which made travel impossible. DS arrived four weeks early by emergency cs a week before my brother's wedding at the other end of the country. You really can't plan these things Grin

blackteaplease · 01/06/2014 07:24

I didn't go to my bill wedding as it was 3 weeks before my due date, we live in the sw and the wedding was in dundee. Dh took dd and they were both in the wedding party.

Bil and sil are lovely people and didn't mind that I missed the wedding.

meganorks · 01/06/2014 07:25

You should just to with your plan for ttc as this is all hypothetical at this stage. You have no idea how long it will take you. If when you want to start they have set a date maybe you could delay a couple of months just in case you get pregnant straight away. But even then you can't predict how you will be in pregnancy. I would have been fine to travel late on but you can't after 32 weeks or something anyway.

On side note I do know someone who got annoyed her bridesmaid got pregnant and pulled out (was still at wedding). Her attitude seemed to be that said friend has been a total bridezilla a few years before but she had put up with it. Now it was her turn for revenge almost and she was put out. She did say she should have waited as she knew when the wedding was. I was a bit gobsmacked to be honest! What an awful and ridiculous thing to say! If it had been one of my friends I think I would have said something but it was the groom I was friends with. I can only hope she realised how awful a thing to say when they then had trouble ttc.

Devilforasideboard · 01/06/2014 07:26

I should have added that although they were sad we weren't there, nobody minded and lots of people kept sending me photos throughout the day so I felt part of it.

MandarinCheesecake · 01/06/2014 07:52

This is a total non issue TBH. You are massively overthinking the what ifs and the logistics of it all.

It is quite possible that they could mean Autumn this year and even if it is 2015 you have no idea whether you will get pregnant straight away so could still be ttc when the wedding comes

I wouldn't stress about something that hasn't happened yet. If you want to ttc after Christmas then do so. Deal with the situation as and when it actually happens. You cannot put your life on hold for the what ifs.

Only1scoop · 01/06/2014 07:56

Yabu to be stressing about this.

Stop over thinking it all.

CallingAllEngels · 01/06/2014 07:59

My best friend's wedding is later this year. I'm a BM. When she asked me I was very upfront about the fact we were ttc dc2. I did get pg late last year but had a mc (If pg had gone to term I'd have a 4mo at wedding). We delayed tttc by one month to try and e at wedding. Am now pg and will be 29w at wedding. We live outside UK and will be a 6-7 hour journey.
I would not have delayed for anyone else, except my dsis. It may still be that I'm unable to go, but am hoping pg will be like with ds..then we went to another wedding further away in UK when I was 33 weeks.

Bettycakes80 · 01/06/2014 08:01

We had an overseas wedding with 120 guests, took 6 months to plan. Doesn't necessarily take 18 months to plan a wedding, and they might change their minds about autumn or find the chateaux isn't available the date they want. There are way too many variables here, you should just go for it!

WhereHas1999DissappearedToo · 01/06/2014 08:10
  1. You are not pregnant yet.
  2. They have not set a date yet.
  3. They may not even make it down the aisle!

Just relax!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/06/2014 09:16

I think you're overthinking things. That said, if it's a September wedding rather than starting TTC in January, I might put it off until February. I wouldn't have taken a break in the middle though to avoid a wedding.

Christelle2207 · 01/06/2014 09:24

Definitely over thinking it. There will be a date before you TTC right? so think about it then but you cannot plan pregnancy, it took me well over a year to ttc- baby arrived at a less than convenient time but by then I didn't care.

Andrewofgg · 01/06/2014 09:43

I was at a wedding recently where one of the guests was due three days later. The reception was near home but everyone was a bit nervous. And the baby was born the next day and all was well.

Good luck! Flowers

OddFodd · 01/06/2014 09:46

The likelihood of you conceiving the first month you start trying is vanishingly small. So yes, in the nicest possible way, YABU to be stressing about this :)

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 01/06/2014 09:57

The one thing that everyone who has children will agree on is that you can't plan to conceive on an exact date. Also, depending on how old you are, I would recommend that if you want a baby and can afford it that you don't put it off if you are over 30.

When I got married there was one close relative who was 7 months pregnant and another one who had a 4 week old baby with her. It made the day even more special but then I'm not a Bridezilla and don't like being the centre of attention!

I hope your BIL is better now.

Swipe left for the next trending thread