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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be stressing about TTC and BILs wedding

65 replies

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 01/06/2014 06:39

DH and I have been married for 18 months and recently been discussing TTC. Due to my work situation (nearly at a very high level in my profession and want to get this before I take time out) we've decided to start TTC after Christmas this year tentatively waves at one MNetter who knows me in RL.

Now, BIL had a bit of a health scare at the start of the year and I think it put his workaholic, money orientated attitude into perspective. So, very excitingly, he has recently got engaged to his long term girlfriend. She is half French and they have been talking about getting married in a chateau and that they would quite like an autumn wedding.

Now, pure speculation here, but seeing as the normal time to plan a wedding seems to be about 18 months, I'm guessing they mean Autumn 2015. Which means if we start TTC at Christmas and touch wood all things being well, there is a chance I could be either heavily pregnant or with a newborn. If they confirm the date, I really wouldn't want to delay TTC just in case things aren't as easy as we hope.

Has anyone had any experience of similar family circumstance clashes? I'll optimistically say that I wouldn't mind travelling whilst pregnant but that's very easy to say as someone who has never been so! Should I resign myself to the fact that I may just have to miss it and DH go alone if the timings do align?

My only experience with something similar is when my bridesmaid got married in Italy and her BIL and his wife's due date were at the same time and so they couldn't travel... She was annoyed at them for not 'planning around it' as some of her old friends had traveled over from Australia and were 4months pregnant with DC2, apparently timed so they could still come. Hmm

Aware this is all very hypothetical but would welcome any advice. Trying to 'plan' the best time to have a baby is a laughable concept..!

OP posts:
indigo18 · 01/06/2014 20:29

Just go for it! Is it only recently that people began to get uptight about such things? I don't recall any such angst when we and all our friends got married; people just got on with their lives and attended/didn't attend as they saw fit. No-one took offence, or accused another of thunder-stealing. it's just life ... Good luck with your plans!

MissBattleaxe · 01/06/2014 20:39

Your bridesmaid was really out of order to be angry at people for being too pregnant to attend. None of her bloody business. Nobody should ever expect future wedding guests to plan pregnancies around weddings.

If I were you I'd get stuck in now. I had two babies. One took one month to conceive and one took three years. You never know. Get on with it!

naty1 · 01/06/2014 21:56

I second the get on with it as soon as possible (esp as over 30)
Im 34 it took 3 yrs to have dd via ivf
Investigations and nhs are really slow going

missymayhemsmum · 01/06/2014 22:42

Wow, OP, do you always meet trouble halfway?

Peanut14 · 04/06/2014 07:55

You said it OP 'there will always be something come up.'
Best of Luck with the ttc.

I have an 8 week old, she's my greatest achievement. As someone over 35 I wish we'd done it sooner

Doingakatereddy · 04/06/2014 08:06

I plan everything - planned both my DC's (with a spreadsheet - kid you not)

If you conceive at Xmas you may have late summer born baby and be v preggers whilst it's hot. Also, may mean you can't drink over Xmas if you get early symptoms. Wedding abroad would be a mare

March conception means Xmas 2015 baby & your DH could use hols on top of paternity leave for long break. Wedding would be in second / early third trimester and you'd be fine to fly

Plus if baby born before Xmas and new year, your 15 hours funding will kick in when baby is almost immediately three

To those of you who dismiss planning - I say PAH! [crazed grin]

GertyD · 04/06/2014 08:55

My child bridesmaid decided to TTC exactly 10 months prior to my wedding. She is deffo a person who likes to do it all.
Cue immediate conception, and the baby was 3 weeks old on the day.

The whole time she was insistent that she could do it and hormones were making her scary to disagree with.

She phoned me the night before in floods of tears because the dress didn't fit, she had spent all day in town trying to find a similar one, she was exhausted and the baby had been crying for a week.

I told her to get some sleep, that she was an idiot trying to do it all, and I loved her very much and her and the baby were far more important than a bloody wedding.

GertyD · 04/06/2014 08:56

My point being, carry in. Your life plans should never be dictated by a fecking wedding.

GertyD · 04/06/2014 08:56

*Chief not child bridesmaid!

MandarinCheesecake · 04/06/2014 09:01

Yes that's all well and good planning where you can, but what if things don't go to plan (which is usually the case where a baby is concerned!) spread sheets and all go straight out the window!
OP may not conceive naturally at Christmas or in March as others have stated it could happen immediately or could take a year or two.

I'm very much a "Deal with it when it happens" kind of person, no point stressing over planning when you cant predict how those plans are going to pan out!!

MandarinCheesecake · 04/06/2014 09:02

sorry that message was in response to doing

Doingakatereddy · 04/06/2014 10:47

mandarin I know! But for every 'deal with it as it happens' person, there is also a happily neurotic planner.

Each to their own, but planning isn't the worst thing in the world and neither is going with it.

Good luck whatever happens OP and most importantly do remember to enjoy it, babies are amazing

thebestnameshavegone · 04/06/2014 11:11

doing we had a spreadsheet too Blush

we started ttc in march and had factored in a lot of the things you mentioned, including being older in the school year, not being heavily pregnant in the summer etc etc

we conceived in the November, so was pregnant over Christmas while cooking for loads of people and couldn't drink and dc1 is due in august!

ah, the best laid plans....

OP just get cracking!

idontlikealdi · 04/06/2014 11:15

If you delay it for every single potential thing it could take you a very very long time to get on with it!! Go for it when you planned, deal with how you go to the wedding when you need to.

My friends have been putting it off for yours, Christmas, holidays, new job, parents visiting etc and now he's 40 and she's 36 and its not happening for them at the moment. So, better to get on with it so if you do need any kind of treatment, IVF etc, you have time to do it.

FrankelandFilly · 04/06/2014 12:02

It's all well and good "planning" but life doesn't always work out the way you'd like. I had wanted to have my first child by the age of 30 so started TTC at 28. After a lot of heartache, tests and fertility procedures DD was finally born 12 weeks ago, two months before my 33 birthday. If you are lucky enough to get pregnant on demand good for you, but don't assume everyone else can.

OP, I say crack on now and if there is a later clash you'll deal with it.

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