to be stressing about TTC and BILs wedding

[lastnightIwenttoManderley]

DH and I have been married for 18 months and recently been discussing TTC. Due to my work situation (nearly at a very high level in my profession and want to get this before I take time out) we've decided to start TTC after Christmas this year tentatively waves at one MNetter who knows me in RL.

Now, BIL had a bit of a health scare at the start of the year and I think it put his workaholic, money orientated attitude into perspective. So, very excitingly, he has recently got engaged to his long term girlfriend. She is half French and they have been talking about getting married in a chateau and that they would quite like an autumn wedding.

Now, pure speculation here, but seeing as the normal time to plan a wedding seems to be about 18 months, I'm guessing they mean Autumn 2015. Which means if we start TTC at Christmas and touch wood all things being well, there is a chance I could be either heavily pregnant or with a newborn. If they confirm the date, I really wouldn't want to delay TTC just in case things aren't as easy as we hope.

Has anyone had any experience of similar family circumstance clashes? I'll optimistically say that I wouldn't mind travelling whilst pregnant but that's very easy to say as someone who has never been so! Should I resign myself to the fact that I may just have to miss it and DH go alone if the timings do align?

My only experience with something similar is when my bridesmaid got married in Italy and her BIL and his wife's due date were at the same time and so they couldn't travel... She was annoyed at them for not 'planning around it' as some of her old friends had traveled over from Australia and were 4months pregnant with DC2, apparently timed so they could still come.

Aware this is all very hypothetical but would welcome any advice. Trying to 'plan' the best time to have a baby is a laughable concept..!

I found out I was pregnant completely unexpectedly and had a newborn at both my best friend's wedding and a week later at my sister's. I had to step down as a bridesmaid which was hard.

Against the grain I don't think yabu to be thinking about it, I thinking shows you care about things and are trying to consider the impact on other people which is nice.

As others have said you are working a bit in the dark so perhaps a conversation with your bill is needed to try and establish some facts so you can plan a little better?

You are overthinking things. Stop worrying about pre-planning. Your body may behave unexpectedly when it comes to getting pregnant /timings etc etc. It may take longer than you think, or less time.

Stop thinking and crack on with it. Conception isn't easy for everyone. Just let your brother know as soon as you have a due date.

It's actually quite nice having new babies and pregnant ladies at wedding if they can make it.

YABU, you are over thinking it. The fallout from your friends wedding was ridiculous, she wasn't a friend if she thought her wedding was more important than a baby.

I agree with everyone else- you are way over thinking this! It took us nearly 5 years to get pregnant- eventually resorting to IVF. In that time we; got married, attended many close friends and families weddings, moved house twice, moved country once, changed jobs, acquired a dog, I could go on but I think you get the picture!

Overthinking somewhat. And you really can't plan these things. (well we were only 1 month off-plan but we're in the minority I'd say)

We ttc for 4 years and had IVF in the end.

Exactly this. We waited until the time was right, only us to now be 3 years down the line and no closer. Two rounds of IVF down and I've stopped tracking. I even drink in the TWW!! You might be an insterdiffer, you might have problems, you might be a perfectly normal 6 months or so of trying.
Just go for it and sod everyone else.

You are not pregnant and the wedding isnt booked is if ttc when you want you might or not get pregnant during your timescale anyway

"The likelihood of you conceiving the first month you start trying is vanishingly small. So yes, in the nicest possible way, YABU to be stressing about this."

It's small. It's not vanishingly small. I conceived the first month I started trying. If you don't have fertility problems, and you have sex at the right time, you've got a reasonable chance of conceiving first time.

They might get married, or they might not.
You might be pregnant around the same time, or you might not.

I am a midwife. Take it from me, planning is pointless in these matters

Just get cracking with the shagging and see what happens. Best of luck!

Wow! Forward planning or what?!

Just live your life and deal with everything as it happens!! :)

You can't plan your life round somebody else's wedding when it's not even going to take place for eighteen months. If you can't go for some reason then you can't go. But don't change your plans for a baby because of somebody else's wedding. Agree this level of forward thinking is a bit U.

So did I hackmum but I don't know anyone else who has. Fair enough I was exaggerating a tad

You are unreasonable to over think this so much.

Wow I thought I was organised with my planning. I expected to take a while to get pregnant OP but it happened in our first month ttc, so even though it may cause issues for you wedding wise fingers crossed for you it happens when you want OP. maybe in December time we will see a repeat post where you really are pregnant :)

I was worried when I was first TTC that a pal's hen do was going to get in the way of me being about 6 months pregnant. Need not have worried AT all. Then hen do and wedding are long gone. As is the couple's first anniversary.

Pipbin If it isn't an esoteric female secret what is the TWW?

Blimey. Really ? Relax.

Andrew the Two Week Wait- the period between shagging and being able to do a pregnancy test.

This is very much a 'cross that bridge when you come to it' issue. As others have said, chances of getting pregnant on your first attempt are pretty slim. And not everyone is a bridezilla.

Thank you Actifizz - knowledge is always welcome even it is not always power!

The likelihood of you conceiving the first month you start trying is vanishingly small. So yes, in the nicest possible way, YABU to be stressing about this smile

It only took one time for DD...

That said, planning a family around a wedding is just silly. No one is going to get upset that you got pregnant.

Thanks all for your advice and stories. Just to be clear, I'm not spending every waking minute thinking about this and perhaps 'stressing' was far too strong a word (that's what you get for being up at 6am on a Sunday!)

It's more that I was a bit shocked by my friends reaction to a similar situation so don't want to inadvertently cause any family tensions. Glad to hear so many of you have 'normal' relatives and friends who realise the world does not revolve around their wedding.

Am well aware that TTC could be weeks, months, years. I'm over 30 so would probably kick myself if we did hold off and then struggled. It's nice to have so many people saying to stick with our own plans and sod all the external things - there will always be SOMETHING that will come up.

I'd just carry on with your plan and cross the wedding/pregnant bridge if you come to it.

For further planning purposes :o I don't know of any airline that will fly you to France when you're more than 32 weeks pg or any insurance companies that will fully insure you past 32 weeks either.