To be pissed off at being left at the airport....

[evelynj]

...so dh & I arrived in Spain today to spend 2 weeks with his family-fil kindly collecting us at airport.

When we got to our baggage carousel, dh informed me that he thought dc2 had done a poo so I said, I'll just nip off & change her quickly then. He said ok & I went to change her, (she hadn't done a poo so was a super quick change-about 3 mins top I reckon). Got back to carousel & dh & dc1 who is 4 were nowhere to be seen. Thought they must have gone to the toilet so sat opposite our carousel & waited. 10 mins later checked toilets & next nearest toilet, shouted etc & no sign of them.

After walking up & down baggage reclaim for about a half hour thinking there's no way he would have just gone on without me -not in a massive airport that I'm not familiar with etc, I finally found a jet2 lady who tried to help as I didn't want to go out past the 'point of no return' exit point. All I had was a 10 month baby who was getting fractious & half a packet of baby wipes, (so couldn't phone etc as dh had all my stuff & don't know his no off by heart). She kept saying 'I don't believe it' to everything when finally dh shows up trying to get back in from no return point.

I was hot, I was bothered, I was stressed out & pissed off & panicking & had started crying. Seeing dh made me more pissed off rather than relieved as it was obviously just him being completely thoughtless & just going off without me. I really didn't want to see his dad & his mate when I was in floods of tears. I felt like such an idiot.

So I tried to calm over the next few hours-staying at lovely villa etc when his bro brought up dh abandoning me at airport & I tried to give the summarised version with a jocular tone & dh goes on the defensive saying 'I thought you'd gone on' & I didn't know where you were-you just said you'd gone to change the baby-I didn't know which toilets' etc. (I am a logical person-I went to the nearest toilets abou a minute away)

Wtf? AIBU to think he behaved like a dick & should just say sorry? I'm back to being fuming with him.

he really acted like a dick then to top it off he blames you? he should say sorry and flippin grovel

Thanks deaky. And another thing-I was still the one trying to make smalltalk with his dad en route to the car as always, even though I'm clearly upset & angry, grrrrr. I've just sneaked off to bed after the incident with his brother. I'm find in it difficult to balance the anger & wanting to brush it under the carpet as I'd like to have a nice holiday. I Think I'll just tell him in the simplest of terms that it wasn't ok & don't do it again & does he understand why. I may as well get our 4 year old there for the same conversation as feels like I'll be using the same parenting skills.

YANBU what an arse! I can almost understand how he thought you might have gone on but should not have taken himself and your child past the point of no return and taken so long. And he should have apologised. Also as an aside if he thought your DD had done a poo why didn't he just take her to change her?

Yanbu, I'm sure the logical thing would be for him to wait exactly where you left him. Where did he go off to?

On right move you can have a look at what schools are in the area and go on RM School finder (theres a link when you look at the individual schools on the interactive map) and have a look at OFSTED rating- not perfect I know but should give you an idea.

I hate flakiness. People who behave like your DH are just so annoying and cause massive inconvenience. Never mind an apology, you should be trying to explain to him that he needs to FOCUS and THINK in these situations. Five seconds of stopping to think would have told him that you wouldn't have exited the baggage/customs area just to change a nappy. There are toilets in all baggage areas in all airports. Leaving you behind at an airport of all places is utterly ridiculous. If his family lives in Spain I'm guessing it wasn't his first time ever in his life to go through an airport so there's no excuse for his lack of basic thinking in this situation.

Him trying to get back in after going through the no-return area is the height of flakiness. Who does that? I can't stand flakiness. It is bad enough in children, never mind full grown adults. People who behave like this can cost you inconvenience, time, money, and worse.

Is there a back story? Otherwise i'm not getting the anger and tears etc. has he form for this?

I have to say that this sounds to me like its been blown out of proportion, not unreasonable if you've just been travelling with small children.

What's missing is an 'I'll see you back here' or 'I'll go through so they're not wondering where we are' from either of you. Maybe I'm a bit more accustomed to travelling but I would have just gone through if they weren't at the carousel; everyone has to go out that way eventually and you'd have found your FIL regardless. Presumably he has your DHs number?

You haven't said how DH reacted when he saw you, was he apologetic?

Ultimately, he made a mistake. He didn't deliberately leave you and if he has apologised then I would leave it there. You'd all have been tired and it appears to me like it's just snowballed into something it isn't.

I would probably be annoyed too but I think you are making far too big a deal out of it. You knew he was somewhere around and it was Spain, not Kabul or somewhere.

I'd have just assumed he'd gone on through. If I went through and couldn't see him the other side, then I'd feel a little peeved, because there is presumably more places to go from there.

I think you're overreacting a little.

Just tell him you felt upset at the time and make sure you communicate before separating next time.

Is there more?

A bit of a misunderstanding but not sure it is worth getting that upset about?

We travel a lot and this sort of thing happens sometimes.

We have an 'amnesty' for travel. We don't hold anything against each other during or for 24 hours after. Because we are tired and cranky and stressed and do and say things out of character under those circumstances.

One day you will laugh about it, family legend style.

We had a similar experience two years ago at Qatar airport when changing flights. We had quite a long wait, there was a vast area, pre security or whatever, DS and I sat there, DGCs swooped around on their Heelies, sorry about the Heelies, but we were the only people there in the large invitingly empty space.

DH went to the loo. We waited. And waited. And waited a bit more. Then we were annoyed, then we got worried. Had DH had a heart attack in the loo? DS went in, paced around, checked all the cubicles. No sign.

Where the hell was he? I had the passports. Suddenly in the far distance beyond the check point, (how did he get through?) we spotted DH's unmistakable shape. Somehow despite our being the only people sitting in exactly the same place where we were before the loo trip, despite two conspicuously heelying children, he claimed we must have moved and become hidden from sight.

General fury at each other, finally calm, ultimately 'Do you remember when Dad got lost at Qatar?' "No it was you lot, you were all hiding in a daft place" "Rubbish" etc.

You will get over it.

Sound like a case of miscommunication. Having travelled with a small baby, I know it's very stressful, and I have at times overreacted about DH doing stuff, but in this situation I would have just gone through, if I didn't see him there.

So, were his DB and DF there to pick you up? I think he will have been eager to go through and see them.

Thanks all-I'm pretty sure I said I'll be back in a minute or something like that-he did just take himself through security last time we travelled leaving me with tiny baby in pram & 4 yo & luggage. Just because he wasn't thinking. He joked this time at security 'shall I just go on ahead on my own?' So he has got previous. It riles me because it makes no sense & if I had left him, he'd be well pissed off.

I'm normally a calm & logical person & I wasn't hysterical but once the tears started I couldn't really stop & it seemed like there just have been plenty of time once he got through the exit point to meet his dad etc. also I was caring dd who is over 2 stone & the airport is enormous & I've never been there before so I did feel vulnerable.

I had calmed down about it until the talking to his bro & not taking any responsibility for it. I feel better now having slept but still think he's a dick. Will talk to him about it later when we get a minute. Clearly will not leave him with my phone & purse again.

I always say to my OH 'don't move from this spot' and take my phone! He has form for wandering, it's not malicious just empty headedness.

So you weren't actually left at the airport , he'd just gone on ahead ?

morloth Brilliant idea to have an amnesty whilst travelling due to be cranky and tired. I wonder whether it's worth implementing one here until DD2 is, say, five?

Sounds like an over reaction to me. Yes he should have waited but when it was obvious he wasn't there why didn't you just go through?

Yeah, communication issues like this happen a lot when travelling - I like Morloth's idea of a 24 hour amnesty!

You're all still alive and unharmed, put it behind you.

He was a thoughtless idiot . There was absolutely no need for him to wander off. And now he is trying to make it your fault and getting angry rather than just apologising.

I'd have had a quick look around. Waited by the men's loos just in case DC1 had needed to go and they were in there. Once obvious they weren't is have gone through to arrivals. Even in huge airports the baggage claim halls aren't so cavernous that it would take all that time and stress to look for him.

We have an 'amnesty' for travel. We don't hold anything against each other during or for 24 hours after. Because we are tired and cranky and stressed and do and say things out of character under those circumstances.

We also have an amnesty where I remind the children that I will be very stressed and tired and I will she at them at numerous points during the trip.

He made a mistake and was an idiot for not just apologising but don't let it ruin your trip.

Shout at them. Not she.

It sounds like a misunderstanding to me, and your over-reaction has resulted in his defensiveness.

You're never going to see his point of view and he's never going to get why you're so upset, why you didn't just go through after him (I would've done that) and why you can't just drop it and enjoy the holiday. So maybe it's time to just accept that it wasn't malicious & get on with your lovely holiday.

Well yeah he was stupid to wander on, but honestly I Don't think I'd have given it more than a passing thought. If he wasn't obvious after 10 mins and wasn't in the toilets, I'd have just assumed he'd gone through. I mean where else would ha have been?
In this situation I would have come out and said to DH. 'I didn't know where you where, you didn't say you were going on'. And he would have said 'Oh Sorry'. All this tears and angst is a bit OTT.