Am not going to read Happy's comments, she's entitled to her own opinion but her posts always give me panic attacks and life is way too short.
We have three with SN, plus one without: earlier this year they found a gene that is damaged and is likely to be the link but nobody really knows. When the boys were little we had three jobs between us, and I rather liked the adrenaline rush (I held two part time 30 hr jobs, DH a FT). It was exhausting but had its own merits above the level of income and we were blessed to have family help nearby. A redundancy and handful of diagnoses later and that's not how it is any more. DH is self employed and a large percent of what he earns go straight back into the business, in the hope of building something real and substantial. I can't work, I juggle four schools (2 MS, 2 SN) and three statements, and every time I get anywhere a new thing emerges- we just got ds3 a placement at a unit for post-11 after what felt like a mammoth battle, to be told ds4 will either need a massive raise in statement hours on SN Placement at the end of Yr2, which is in 2015. I was applying for jobs after the comp placement came through (with little success mind, despite having kept my CV full of studies etc all the time), and now realise I need to get back on the reports / LEA fights / assessments bandwagon all over again. We are still awaiting the dx, after a change in diagnostic procedures was followed by lost paperwork then the retirement of the school team who do the reports.
DS1's increasing age (14) means I need Dh around a lot to help with his aggression, he's as tall as me now. Luckily self employment has allowed that but it has also meant that we have lived below the breadline, dedicating every penny that's not earmarked for the kids (DLA, child benefit), rent or food money to the business. There are no jobs for people DH's age where we are, it's 20% employment, and whilst we may well move one day (as we did before, hence no 'child'care any more), it can't be yet due to the schools we are dependant on. You don;t get to move mid school career and find such suitable places, or even vaguely suitable ones, if your kids have SN. Home Ed would be great with the younger boys but a real danger to me with ds1.
So yes, having disabled kids can affect your long term poverty status; of course it can. Even if you are one of the (apparently statistically a minority) set of parents who manage to stay together, the complete absence of childcare for disabled kids, especially as they cease to be kids and become teenagers, the general exhaustion of 24 hour care,
the fact that no boss no mater how lovely can take a staff member being away 3 / 5 days a week for appointments, and you can't send someone else- professionals never share info so each one is bound to require a family history...)... how could it not?
Long term, we hope to get DH's business (he does sound and light hire and sales) to a stage where not only can it employ me for a part time job handling marketing, admin etc, but also even help the boys achieve employment in a safe supportive environment. It's a great aim and worth sacrifice.
It's also scary, hard, tiring.... DH is doing seven day weeks and always on call... and takes a long time to make anything near a living wage (though the business assets are a blessed security and when we struggle I do find a trip to the office to view the stock helps my sanity). I've got damned good at sewing and my fave skirt is made from broken down jeans that wore through, and I am increasingly blessed by good friends and neighbours who pass on outgrown clothes.
If I didn't have DH, if he didn't have a specialist skill set, there would be little hope and one heck of a miserable struggle.