To think that a lot of the time having someone in the family with a disability does mean being long term poor?

[extremepie]

Obviously this is not the case for everyone but it certainly is for me!

I know that families with a disabled member do get extra help in the form of extra tax credits, DLA, carer's allowance ha! etc but aibu to think that due to the often extra expenses that are incurred by having someone with a disability in the family all this doesn't go as far as you might think?

Due to my current circumstances, I am not able to work and I can't see this changing in the near to moderate future unless something drastically changes. This is not unusual, as a lot of us just can't work around all the medical appointments, time off required to look after them etc so working is just not feasible but I hate the idea that this current situation is all I have to look forward to in the future and that my financial situation will not really improve :(

Aibu to think I'm not alone in this and that for a lot of people having to manage the needs to someone with a disability means they are struggle in the long term? In most circumstances if your money situation is tight you can either try and earn more money or cut your expenses but often people with a disabled family member can't do either!

Lefty - but a lot of people do, don't they? A lot of people without disabled children receive child tax credits, child benefit, etc? But they would probably argue that's different :/

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2094617-Can-we-please-have-a-ruling-on-how-unsupportive-of-other-parents-it-is-permissible-to-be

We'll done mooning can't stand her

Moomin

I wonder if a certain poster who might possibly be a mummy of one and is rather pleased about it receives child benefit?

Yes - aha! She receives benefits! Scrounging off the state to pay for her child is she? Pelt her with stooooones!

No - she is obviously so fabulously successful and earning such good money that she doesn't need it. She should be extremely grateful, life has been very kind to her!

I actually do feel quite sorry for her, if our experiences as disabled parents/parents of disabled children/people who have just been plain unlucky in life have taught us anything it's how to be less judgemental, more tolerant, helpful, understanding, empathetic and a whole other load of really good personality traits. We are able to cope with life's shit better because of it. I do hope that certain posters are never in the position where bad things happen to them because it's a looooong way down from that high horse :/

On this thread moom? I always manage to miss the interesting bits.

Yay! Playing the victim after years of abusing others.
Either that or someone thinks they're funny.

What is worrying me is the utter devaluing of the important role carers do.The knowledge,unsociable hours,expertise and love counts for absolutely nothing.What is best for the child/person being cared for counts for nothing.

I know sahp who aren't carers are different,have more choice and are in no way comparable but what is worrying me is how making a judgement call for your family and children re what is best for them and doing a valuable job is now so worthless while getting a paid job(any job) however crap it is or how miserable it makes you,your child and the family unit is utterly worthy.What is worrying me is how the media,the gov and even a parenting site like MN encourage this and just don't see the value of parents based in the home for whatever reason.

I suspect a lot is based on jealousy.You're not allowed to say it's hard,that you scrimp/save.You're not allowed to celebrate the benefits.You're not allowed to say you enjoy it or even don't enjoy it on some days.You're a drain on society(even though most will work before and after,for carers it's not that easy),you're spongers, you let down women.......I suspect many( Happy included) want what they see those based in the home have ie more time with their children and less stress.

Instead of trying to work together to facilitate families to have more choice and to have what is best for them and their children sahp and now it seems carers are becoming punch bags whilst many who should know better just stand back,watch and even encourage.The gov/media is bad enough but on a parenting site it stinks.Why can't we work towards choice,celebrating all roles and supporting all family needs.When did life get so dictatorial?

There are a few posters, as in real life, who I think are totally unable to see someone else's pov unless they have actually lived it themselves.

I agree Retropear.

I think though, that there is only one poster on here that is saying some of that stuff?

This isn't a case of being unable to see anothers point of view though although I agree with you completely. I've known a few myself.

This is a case of someone being consistantly nasty and vile to specific groups. So consistant, most people can tell just by looking at the thread title that they'll be on, somewhere stirring. Even if they do namechange it will be easy to spot them again.

Had a look. She has been busy hasnt she.

Unfortunately the stirring is successful on some threads.

'Twas refreshing to see it's not the case on this.

I dont know if you realise that she has started a thread in Site Stuff.

Retro

It is nice isn't it?

It's the same group of posters making the same valid arguments against this train of thought time and time again.

Dawndonna (my hero) being one of them. Maryz being another and Sparkling and Expat.

At times it's just these 4 battling against a never ending tide. If it wasn't for these posters, I wouldn't have learnt to have the guts to start fighting myself on here and in RL...I just need to learn to do this more eloquently.

It's not her Linkery. There is a small post in that thread that explains it. I missed it too.

I feel the urge nowadays to defend those who have children and adults with additional needs on this forum.
I even keep a look out for such threads.

I agree with you all. The site shouldnt be like this
[I am assuming that the likes of a certain poster on here, is reported. A lot?]

Really Smiles?
I will take a relook.

Saintly's post.

Well said Retropear

Sometimes I think those who want Carers to go out to work are connected with private care providers who want to make a profit out of warehousing sick children and sick adults. They can't compete with earning £60 a week pittance Carers Allowance for 100 hours week so their first step is to denigrate the service that family Carers give to their loved ones and to society.

I'm trying to formulate a thought, but it's early and I had a bad-meds night, so please bear with me.

Here goes.

Of course we should celebrate the triumphs and successes of disabled people. Of course we should. We should celebrate how amazing it is that they've achieved amazing stuff. I don't think anyone's denying that.

I personally think we should celebrate the success of anyone who's achieved something amazing, particularly when they've struggled against something to achieve it, whether that's a disability or something else.

However, holding it up as a ideal standard of what any disabled person can and should achieve is where it comes unstuck.

I think it's important to look at the list of 'amazing things' that disabled people might deserve cheering for. It might be 'DD just successfully indicated that she needed the loo...' which deserves cheer. It might be 'DS has got a job wiping tables in a cafe...' which deserves cheer. Or it might be 'DD has just walked the length or Britain...'

The first two of these aren't less important because they're not the last one. The first two might well take as much effort, physically and mentally as the last one.

I discussed this with able-bodied DH who commented 'I couldn't run as fast as Oscar Pistorius. Nor could I run a marathon without significant time training, which I can't actually be arsed to do. Why should a disabled person be held to a higher standard than me?'

So yes, I do think we should spend more time celebrating the achievements of disabled people. I just think we need to spend more time refining how we define 'achievement'.

It would also be very nice, lovely and delightful if disabled people were not looked at first in terms of what a burden they are. It would be amazing and fantastic if disabled children had access to the sort of activities that their able bodied peers did, rather than 'I can't handle that...' from people. But wishing isn't going to achieve anything. Not least because apparently people are under the odd impression that they already are.