To think that a lot of the time having someone in the family with a disability does mean being long term poor?

[extremepie]

Obviously this is not the case for everyone but it certainly is for me!

I know that families with a disabled member do get extra help in the form of extra tax credits, DLA, carer's allowance ha! etc but aibu to think that due to the often extra expenses that are incurred by having someone with a disability in the family all this doesn't go as far as you might think?

Due to my current circumstances, I am not able to work and I can't see this changing in the near to moderate future unless something drastically changes. This is not unusual, as a lot of us just can't work around all the medical appointments, time off required to look after them etc so working is just not feasible but I hate the idea that this current situation is all I have to look forward to in the future and that my financial situation will not really improve :(

Aibu to think I'm not alone in this and that for a lot of people having to manage the needs to someone with a disability means they are struggle in the long term? In most circumstances if your money situation is tight you can either try and earn more money or cut your expenses but often people with a disabled family member can't do either!

HappyMummy must live in a twilight world where everything is perfect and even disabled children follow the 'rules'.

I am a carer. I am not ashamed to say that, My DH works away. I am not a drain on society, in fact I am saving the government money because childcare and other expenses that my DS would incur if I was not working would be much more that £244 a month. Also, we have at least one appointment a week, for SALT, OT, Physio, Paed, Eye clinic, dietician, sleep clinic. What employer is going to be happy with me taking time off every week??

HMOO wont come back, she never does. She just spouts out crap and then moves on. At least Xenia used to stay until the bitter end of a thread. I don't know if this is because HMOO is a shit stirrer or because she doesnt actually believe the trash she is spouting.

We had a poster PM another one (carer of a disabled child also possibly disabled herself if I'm remembering correctly) to insult and chastise her for not being a productive member of society.

The receiver of the pm reported it,the sender was not banned and still routinely spouts bile on threads about the same sort of thing

I just want to say something, people with disabilities who do manage look down on the ones who can't. Sometimes. It isn't just people who don't have a disability.

I have 2 friends with agent orange and I was in the group of students with multiple disabilities at school. A classmate asked my why I talk to them "because it's like the queen bee talking to the peasants. How mean.... I don't drink, go clubbing or have a boyfriend and I get along along with the 2 sisters. Plus, nobody hangs out with them, so what's wrong if I do?

Needs, maybe she was going through a rough time? The person with a disability.

I remember how difficult my first 2 years here were. I was totally unprepared for Asia, very young for my age and it was hard believe me!

Good grief hello and Needs

Perhaps, in that case, it means that empathy is on some sort of scale.

Some people are twats. Some people are disabled.

Some disabled people are twats.

They're just people after all, not all capable of empathy and kindness and whatever.

hmm true. I seem to be learning a lot today.

I started reading this thread in the early hours of the morning and felt like crying. Once my DH was up, I read some of the comments to him and we went through emotions of empathy, anger, disbelief, even laughing at some of the comebacks.
Sorry if I'm repeating previous comments. I just want to add my voice to the many who are struggling.
We have a son with cerebral palsy who is doing his A-levels and hoping to go to uni this year. His ambition is to be a research scientist and we are doing everything to keep his dream alive.
But boy, is it tough! I don't want to go into details but I would like to add the point that not only are we financially worse off, we're also
time deprived
have less friends
less sleep
less energy
our relationship has suffered
our other son has missed out
we struggle to make plans
our health has suffered, mine so much so that I've needed 3 back surgeries and see a psychiatrist every month.
I don't know if this post makes any sense. I'm exhausted, in pain and beyond upset that people have to fight such stupid opinions.
And yes, I hope my disabled son will ne able to work. But I don't want him to feel guilty if he can't. And even if he does, he will have extra costs and never have as much money as his brother though they are both as gifted.

Devere

Can I just point out that you didn't go to court to find a school that would meet all of your disabled child's needs,you went to court to find one that would allow him to access an education.

I wouldn't want any tossers reading this thread to misunderstand and think that meeting his needs means all these disabled kids are getting something that their kids are not.

The law does not allow for a good education it only allows for a appropriate one that they are able to access any specialist provision through placement or statement is the minimum required to make that possible.

Sorry for seaming like I'm nit picking I just didn't want you to be jumped on and accused of forcing the tax payer to fund a Eton style education or anything like that

I'm afraid it's just too depressing to RTFT today, but you are not being remotely unreasonable. Carer for my husband, unless we win the lottery or I can get a small business off the ground while looking after him we'll be on benefits until we get whatever remains of the state pension. I wouldn't wish the stress of waking up each morning wondering what the government is going to cut or make even more difficult this week on many people.

I also wonder what happens once parents of disabled children are no longer entitled to tax credits and so on because of their child's age. Can't imagine it's something good.

I just want to say something, people with disabilities who do manage look down on the ones who can't. Sometimes. It isn't just people who don't have a disability.

This is true too. I had to leave a forum I used to use because of the number of disabled posters who would berate those with 'lesser' disabilities for not being able to do X. That's even worse than people who base their judgement of what disabled people should be able to do on occasional observations of someone who gets on their train!

Its fine Sock it was just my shorthand for the tribunal to get him into school at secondary transfer.

I couldn't be arsed to try and explain the complexities to certain posters as it would have been less than pointless.

This thread is so very sad.

I wish that empathy could be taught.

Silver, true. My dh has been treated as "less" of a carer, because i dont have alzeimers?!

Apparently, "carer" means carer-for-someone-with-alzeimers. Wtf?

Needs, maybe she was going through a rough time? The person with a disability

I expect she was and quite possibly that was why she posted on a support thread about her situation allowing the nasty poster to use that information against her in a PM I also expect her difficult time was not helped at all by getting a unpleasant bullying PM from one of our more vocal benefit bashers afair she was devastated.

I should have made it clear it was the possibly disabled carer that got the PM from a afaik none disabled or none carer poster.

I could go and check through my own PM's and find out exactly who got it and who sent it but I wouldn't post it in public so there would be no point

Re the sender it was one of two very vocal anti benefit prolific posters just off the top of my head I cannot remember which one.

For anyone reading this and having a bad day - there's a great thread in Chat titled Grabby, Grabby, Grabby that'll take your mind off this for a few minutes.

Just something that may help bring others back from the brink.

(Not that i'm saying that caring me is as hard as caring for a frail old lady with alzeimers btw)

3across, good for him! I hope he makes it :)

My sisters have a lot more than I do, homes and one has 3 children. Um, I'm just taking it day by day.

In Vietnam, although it's tough, I live very comfortably on what I earn. I live in a guesthouse for $200 per month, healthy meals are $1 on average so I eat well (provided I don't get food poisoning) and now that I know the language I have local friends and my neighbours do look out for me. Also, in Hue, I can walk easily (HCM City is much more challenging). The other hard part is the visa....

I have been to a conference opened by the Thai princess, met the ambassader to Vn in Singapore (he does free visas for me since he knows what I do in VN), UK also gave me a free visa, I've been in typhoons that leave huge floods, an earthquake.... many things my sister haven't done.... They go on holiday, but who cares? Five star hotels are the same everywhere, just with different menus,

Local food is better too.

I worry a lot about moving to a developed country again actually

I have a disability. It is simply not true to think as the OP seems to, that those with a disability get lots of handouts.

Most disabled people do not get DLA or Mobility Allowance, most people with severe disability do not get anywhere near enough benefits to meet the additional costs.

I work part time, I couldn't manage to work full time. If I wasn't disabled I would work full time and be better off financially.

You'd be right to.

Underdevelped contries on the whole, in fact most countries on the whole, treat the vunerable in society better than the UK ever has.

Calmet - the OP doesn't think that at all. I thought that was obvious.