To be upset over neighbours' fence

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Next door have had fencing replaced on both sides, but Ive noticed that the fence is about 6ft high on our side, but only about half this on the other side. I cant help but take this a little personally and it makes me sad as DS1 and the eldest boy from next door are great buddies & always talking to each other over the fence that was there before, now they wont be able to do this. Obviously it's their fence & they can build it how they like but I do feel upset, we've always got on well with them & have had various play dates with the boys.

Back story though: our garden is a complete tip, complete with broken down hulk of a landrover and a garage which has been half built for the last decade almost. This has been an ongoing cause of strife between DH and me and now it appears to have affected the neighbours too. DH and I have only just come through relationship counselling and I feel this has set us back months, though obviously I don't know if our garden had any part to play in the fence construction.

I don't know whether to text next door and just say something like 'I can't help but notice our fence is twice as high as it is on the other side, have we done something to offend you?' or not say anything & silently seeth/sob.

Is the "attractive" size facing you or them? If it's facing them then they've replaced your fence....you can cut it in half then if you wanted

No you can't.

It's rubbish when your other half just won't do something. It's alright people saying 'I wouldn't stand for it, make him do it, but until you've been in a relationship where he just won't, no matter what, it's hard to understand the situation.

I empathise with you, as I was in relationship where stbxh just wouldn't do what was necessary to live happily. It's horrible. And I do worry that these kind of battlegrounds (like the garden, shed, car etc) get in the way of seeing to the heart of the problem.

My dh wouldn't do basic things because he didn't care enough about me to do it. It took me a long time to recognise this, let alone be able to say it. He cared more about himself, and 'winning' battles, and didn't care how much I sacrificed, how embarrassing and socially limiting it was, or how much my self esteem suffered.

I'm very glad he's not my partner anymore.

Obviously I know nothing about the rest of your relationship, but I do feel for you. It's not a great sign, this garden battle. Especially as your mental health isn't great.

Ok I'm hoping this photo works. Spoken to NDN & they said that the state of our garden was part of the reason the fence was so high. It's lower on the other side because they are keen gardeners that side so had asked for their plants not to be shaded. They are keen for our boys to continue to play together.

DH has promised the land rover will be on eBay tomorrow & we have bricklayers coming in to quote to finish the garage next week. And this was all achieved without any raised voices.

Well at least that is progress. I'd start by putting some sort of screening across beyond where the fence on the left finishes so you have an area you can keep tidy and safe for dc. Could the LR be moved further up the garden in the meantime ?

OP I'm glad you are getting it sorted.

"It's also tricky because at the moment the house is owned 50% by DH and 50% by his brother (another very LONG story - I think it's on here if you search far back enough)."
That rings a faint bell OP. I tried to search for it but couldn't find it. IIRC, wasn't there a bit of a consensus thay you were being financially abused. (Apologies if I have misremembered.)

I'm glad it's sorted. I think that the neighbour was sensible to admit that the state of the garden was slightly to blame, but I don't think this is a big deal. Your garden is a bit messy but it's not that bad at all.

You really shouldn't feel upset about it. (I know that is much easier said than done

Glad to read you will get it sorted so you can hopefully enjoy it this summer.
I don't think it's too bad. It just needs some good tidy and it will be a lovely garden. Ours looked worse this time last year, it needed lots of work and proper landscaping but was so worth it. You'll get there, it's a nice big outside space.

Oh OP :( I was hoping that things were going better at the moment for you.

Your garden isn't too bad tbh, glad to hear that it was discussed :)

well done, but i do want to know what the blue spaceship is in the middle of garden? x

The spaceship is a milling machine that I am currently in the process of convincing DH that he doesn't need.

Ha Ha thanks (Milling machine though?)

Glad you're getting things sorted OP.

Is the land rover on eBay now?

Glad your moving forward. Lizs suggestion is good, can you get all the messy stuff as far back in the garden as possible and screen off? Great idea with such a long garden. mWill let you concentrate on the near side of the screen and making it more attractive to enjoy quickly.

A milling machine apparently is 'essential for bending metal' ... Because doesn't everyone need tonnes of machine to bend metal?

The land rover is listed on eBay, it finishes on Sunday (fingers crossed someone wants it).

We are going to get the garage area fenced off for now & concentrate on the front part of the garden.

The next door neighbours owned the taller fence but not the smaller fence. I expect both neighbours got a cheaper price for the job ad one bigger job instead of two smaller ones

But also I'd build a 6 foot fence to hide a disused land rover

Sorry just read more of your posts. Glad to hear things are moving.

Glad to hear you seem to be making progress.

So...the land rover has been sold, it's being collected tomorrow

Good news!

I'm in disgrace with my husband for not containing my glee that it's going

Yeah!
Progress.
Keep pushing and keep clearing!