To be upset over neighbours' fence

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Next door have had fencing replaced on both sides, but Ive noticed that the fence is about 6ft high on our side, but only about half this on the other side. I cant help but take this a little personally and it makes me sad as DS1 and the eldest boy from next door are great buddies & always talking to each other over the fence that was there before, now they wont be able to do this. Obviously it's their fence & they can build it how they like but I do feel upset, we've always got on well with them & have had various play dates with the boys.

Back story though: our garden is a complete tip, complete with broken down hulk of a landrover and a garage which has been half built for the last decade almost. This has been an ongoing cause of strife between DH and me and now it appears to have affected the neighbours too. DH and I have only just come through relationship counselling and I feel this has set us back months, though obviously I don't know if our garden had any part to play in the fence construction.

I don't know whether to text next door and just say something like 'I can't help but notice our fence is twice as high as it is on the other side, have we done something to offend you?' or not say anything & silently seeth/sob.

I'm not understanding why it's up to your DH to sort a garden out. Get him to take the kids out for the day, say you have housework to do, and start tackling it yourself. Arrange for quotes to be done on building work and removal of rubbish. Ask them for a timescale. Tell DH he has the same exact timescale (either weekends, or he can take time off work) and if he cannot find the time to do it by xx, you will get someone in. It's devaluing your property - and your neighbours' by the sound of it.

There is absolutely no reason you cannot take control of the situation and sort it, if your DH has been dragging his heals for years.

You can't have tried it or it would be sorted now. I agree with the people who say that you've given DH long enough to sort it. He hasn't. So you sort it. Why have yah waited 10 years?

Can you just put a box or something by the fence so that ds can talk to his friend next door?

Totally agree with HornyHands, as I've said to men before - I don't do laundry with my tits and that applies to most things not requiring gender-specific body parts.

How high was the fence before ? It may or may not be due to the state of your garden but they are entitled to have a fence that high regardless. Why confront next door though, what will that achieve apart form to fuel your issues with dh and make them feel awkward? Just hope that the boys can continue to play together .

You can't blame them for not telling you in advance, because that is an awkward conversation to have with anyone, plus a decade plus of the garden being in that state was a pretty clear indication to them that it won't be changing any time soon...

I was going to suggest what Icimoi said - put a little step or steps next to the fence so DS can chat to his friend the other side.

Your garden looks shit and he doesn't want to look at it. It's why I carry round some cheap B&Q buckets to put on the heads of ugly people. Why your garden looks shit doesn't concern him. YABU.

I don't understand how if its "just" a garage and landrover, they cant be put tidily into one bit of the garden and the rest of the garden sorted out.

Make a start on it yourself, then get a plan of attack in for both of you to spend of couple of intensive weekends tidying it up as much as possible (if the kids are big enough get them involved, or send them off to family).

Get all the garage building bricks, bits and pieces tidied into the garage (and put some plants/screen around it). Even post a photo on here of the garden and we can make suggestions to maybe help!

Might be good for you working together to sort it out (if you go into it with a bit of positivity) and might be the prompt your dh needs to get moving too on doing something with the landrover too, maybe it just looks like too big a job at the moment and he feels alone in it and doesn't know where to start.

DH is taking forever because we haven't much money so he's been doing it himself. I can't do it because I can't lay bricks. He agreed to have the landrover advertised in January (he actually said this in front of the Relate counsellor) - he tells me he's put it on some forums but every time I mention eBay he comes up with some reason he can't do it right then...I get tired of nagging about it. Yet if I say I'm going to do it he hits the roof & says I can't do it because it's not my vehicle.

It's also tricky because at the moment the house is owned 50% by DH and 50% by his brother (another very LONG story - I think it's on here if you search far back enough). To be fair he doesn't spend his free time doing nothing, it's just the house has a long list of jobs to be done (again he won't get workmen in to do it) and he's been doing other things.

Infinity the op is already (rightly) resentful. But instead of seething and threatening and arguing, all the while feeling impotent to do anything, she could have just sorted it out herself. Then at least she hugest to feel resentful with a tidy garden!

Maybe the DH feels resentful that he's elected to do anything? Who knows?

I built a 2 m tall fence to avoid looking at the garden on the east of our garden. It mean they gets less sun, and I dont get to look at their weeds.

The fence towards the other neighbour is much lower, just up to under my chest. Their garden is not a tip exactly, but I dont want to block my own sun!

Why can only your dp sort the garden?

Is there any way of condoning off part of the garden so you can put either wire fencing or picket panels across and have a neat area while dh sorts the rest ?

I have to say I completely understand why your neighbours have put up a higher fence. There is no point saying anything because you clearly know why too and their reply is only going to be hurtful.

OTOH, I feel sympathy with you too because if my neighbours ask me when I'm going to paint my house, replace the windows and weed the drive one more time I may crack.

Can you afford a jobbing gardener to come in and clear the garden for you? We have one locally who is brilliant and clearing and cutting and hard landscaping although he is too heavy handed for weeding and planting!

It would also mean the boys could actually play in your garden too!

And once it's done it's much easier to keep on top of.

I just don't understand why you're taking out on the neighbours the fact that they (possibly, more than likely) don't want to be faced with the squalor you're obviously happy to live in. If it bothered you, you'd do something. The fact you've been happy to live like this for 10 year like this I'mvery sorry for your child.

I'm probably showing all sorts of ignorance here but is laying a brick really hard?

Is it one of those things a YouTube tutorial would get you through?

I'd take great pride in having half a wall built by the time DH got home one day - if possible I'd take matters into my own hands x

Also - your DH says he's going to put the landrover on Ebay.

What's his problem with you saving him the hassle?

I'd just make the listing then surprise him when it's gone...

You can do parts of it, though. You can clear an area of the garden for your children, you can ask your DH to move the scrap car to a corner...if you've no money, you can ask him to temporarily fence off the area so none of you need to look at it, and you work on the garden part. That doesn't need brick laying.

Onesleep, I'm not taking it out on the neighbours, I've said I don't blame them in the slightest, I'm just very upset this has happened (and very annoyed at DH). We haven't 'lived in squalor' for 10 years we moved in here 2 years ago. DH inherited the house years ago & started work on the garage before I knew him.

Part of the problem is that his parents are hoarders, their house & garden is full of junk, DH has grown up in this environment & can't really see anything wrong with it.

I was hoping not to have to mention this but I have severe MH problems (anxiety & depression related) which make every day more difficult than it ought to be. The thought of taking charge of the garden makes me panic.

Would you be prepared to post a pic so mnetters could advise where to begin . The prospect of doing it all may be daunting but a small fenced area of pots is very quickly achievable and satisfying.

I would be but am at work at the moment, will post later.

Is there planning permission for this garage? The council planning department will advise you whether it is needed. Are there any plans?
What sort of roof will you put on it once the brick walls are built?
These, admittedly rather important, questions aside, bricklaying is indeed a skill, but most able-bodied people can do it. Be careful to follow the pattern of the existing brickwork and don't leave any gaps unfilled with bricks or mortar. Most DIY stores sell sacks of mortar mix. If you can't get any old bricks in a decent state, buy a few brand new ones (but they do of course cost). Where did the bricks already in the half-built garage come from? You'll also need something to use as a trowel, a spirit level for horizontal alignment and a bob on a string for vertical alignment. Then pick a spell of sunny weather, mix the mortar thoroughly, and you can build garage walls in a day. There are plenty of online tutorials, and an old-fashioned library book might help.