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Original poster

To be upset over neighbours' fence

98 replies

MyGastIsFlabbered · 30/05/2014 12:43

Next door have had fencing replaced on both sides, but Ive noticed that the fence is about 6ft high on our side, but only about half this on the other side. I cant help but take this a little personally and it makes me sad as DS1 and the eldest boy from next door are great buddies & always talking to each other over the fence that was there before, now they wont be able to do this. Obviously it's their fence & they can build it how they like but I do feel upset, we've always got on well with them & have had various play dates with the boys.

Back story though: our garden is a complete tip, complete with broken down hulk of a landrover and a garage which has been half built for the last decade almost. This has been an ongoing cause of strife between DH and me and now it appears to have affected the neighbours too. DH and I have only just come through relationship counselling and I feel this has set us back months, though obviously I don't know if our garden had any part to play in the fence construction.

I don't know whether to text next door and just say something like 'I can't help but notice our fence is twice as high as it is on the other side, have we done something to offend you?' or not say anything & silently seeth/sob.

OP posts:
LIZS · 30/05/2014 15:04

If was started 9 years ago might pp have expired by now or is it ok once started within a time frame?

BellaVita · 30/05/2014 15:10

I don't blame them tbh. Would it have made a difference if they had come and told you?

We had our fence redone (the side that is ours) and we had a higher one put in. Now there is nothing wrong with our neighbours garden, but I wanted a higher fence. To be fair if the other side was ours too, that one would have been even higher.

mrsbucketxx · 30/05/2014 15:40

im failing to see why YOU cant sort it yourself.

your dh wont so you will have too. if you need to hire people in use your dh's money or invoice his brothers.

you neighbour was right to build the fence if the place is a tip, its you and your dh's lack of motivation that have caused this issue for your poor boy

Oldraver · 30/05/2014 15:43

If your garden is as you say it is I dont blame them wanting to block it out. I wouldn't want to be looking at your shit when I'm trying to relax.

I find it odd you havn't been able to figure this out

Original poster
MyGastIsFlabbered · 30/05/2014 15:52

When did I say I couldn't figure this out? I've said I don't know how many times that I don't blame them, but I'm upset at the situation.

DH hasn't any money, he's very cagey about finances in general. If I went behind his back it would cause a blow-out of possibly marriage destroying proportions. I might be pissed off with him but I'm not sure it's worth separating over.

OP posts:
Pooka · 30/05/2014 15:58

Fwiw we the fence between us and neighbours on the left is about 3ft. Lots of greenery and shrubs between though. The fence between us and neighbours on the right is 6ft.

This came about purely because the left hand fence is next door's and since forever, it's been that height (lived here since was a child). The right hand fence is ours and has always been 6ft.

mrsbucketxx · 30/05/2014 16:05

you dont need to go behind his back be very open about it.

tell him i am going to sort out the mess. You will pay your share and your brother will too, im sure most is just hard graft which seems no one has been willing to do.

ebay the wreck of a car and sort it.

allhailqueenmab · 30/05/2014 16:05

"DH hasn't any money, he's very cagey about finances in general. If I went behind his back it would cause a blow-out of possibly marriage destroying proportions. I might be pissed off with him but I'm not sure it's worth separating over."

What isn't worth separating over?

Him making promises he doesn't keep? (I get why you haven't done it yourself by the way, if he said he would do it he should damn well do it)

Him denying you access to money?

Him denying you information about money?

Him implicitly threatening extreme anger over your questioning any of this, to make sure you don't ask questions?

Hmmmmmmm I am not sure I agree with your assessment on what things are worth separating over.

What things are worth separating over?

mrsbucketxx · 30/05/2014 16:10

im with you there allhail. i have separate accounts but we both know what each other has and if i wanted to look i could at any time,

hiding his accounts suggests he is in more debt than op ever imagined

Onesleeptillwembley · 30/05/2014 16:13

There's a lot of drip feeding going on here.

LIZS · 30/05/2014 16:17

If he already has the materials it isn't about money though , he just can't be arsed, either for himself , to please you or the neighbours.

iK8 · 30/05/2014 16:28

I think you need to stop being so wet. Sorry.

I'd be demolishing a half build garage and putting an ad in for the Landrover if it had been weeks and nothing happening. He isn't then obliged to sell if it's just an ad but he can't keep procrastinating. You might not be able to lay bricks but presumably you can wield a sledge hammer and advertise free hardcore for collection on Freecycle?

The neighbours' fence is not an issue, really it isn't.

mellicauli · 30/05/2014 16:29

You don't know if the garden has anything to do with the state of the garden? As the neighbour of just such a garden, I can tell you categorically yes it does have everything to do with it! You are annoyed with your husband for failing to sort out the garden and so are they. Direct your seething where it's due.

BlackDaisies · 30/05/2014 16:38

Yes I agree it will have everything to do with the state of your garden. Most people wouldn't want to be faced with that. And like mellicauli says, you're directing your anger/ sadness at the wrong people. You absolutely can begin to sort this on your own. Give a generous time limit for the landrover to be gone then say you will advertise it yourself. Get some friends round to make a start on clearing the bits you can do yourself. Living with clutter is very depressing, it's your home too and you have a right to clear the mess in it. Hopefully if your dh sees that you are serious, HE will be the one to be asking himself if it's worth splitting over.

GatoradeMeBitch · 30/05/2014 17:28

My Mum built a brick wall when she was 16! Look up some YT tutorials and get on with it. Hire a skip to throw out the rest of the crap. Chances are that when he sees you being pro-active he will get involved too.

popcornpaws · 30/05/2014 17:35

My ndn's garden was a total eyesore, but the 4ft fence is theirs, i asked if they would mind if we replaced it with a higher fence (it was falling to bits) and they said no, it would cut out the light into their house.

They had 30ft conifers down two sides of their garden and they never open their curtains…
So we built a 6ft fence anyway, but its on our land, we just got it in front of their old one.
Its great, when i look out the window my eyes are no longer drawn to the state of their garden.

sonjadog · 30/05/2014 18:13

It might have nothing to do with you. Maybe they wanted a six foot fence all the way around and the neighbours on the other side asked them not to put one on their side? Maybe the reason for the fencing is to do with them and not you? The only way to find out is to ask. I would wait to feel bad about your garden and angry with your husband until you find out if it has anything to do with you.

Chippednailvarnish · 30/05/2014 18:26

What would you do if you were your neighbours?

I bet you would stick a high fence up too. You have no right to be upset with them.

As for the problem with your DH, what's stopping you listing the car for sale on eBay?
What's stopping you getting quotes to finish the building work?

You seem to be resentful of the situation but completely unwilling to do anything toward resolving it. If all you do is nag and argue but never show there is a consequence to your arguments no wonder nothing changes.

BMW6 · 30/05/2014 18:29

You seem to have taken the high fence on your side as a slight on you personally - it's not, just your tip of a garden.

Direct your energies on sorting it out, not on your neighbours actions.

Nerf · 30/05/2014 18:50

If OP doesn't own the car or the land she can't very well start selling things or making vast improvements / spending money.

Chippednailvarnish · 30/05/2014 18:52

Nerf hence I said list the car and get quotes for the building work.
Doing nothing will solve nothing.

Leviticus · 30/05/2014 19:09

We put a six footer up once to block out the shit tip next door. I'm sure the NDN knew why we'd done it but it didn't sour the atmosphere.

If you know your garden's an eyesore you needn't 't take it as a personal slight.

DMCWelshCakes · 30/05/2014 19:17

The secret to good neighbours is a fuck off great big fence. And the boys may quite like the walkie talkie idea.

Your issues with DH don't sound so easily fixed though.

Infinity8 · 30/05/2014 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nerf · 30/05/2014 19:24

Yes chipped but lots of suggestions from others about getting on and doing things. Which OP can't.
Also - maybe this is bigger than a garden. Living in a house half owned by someone else sounds precarious. Not sure id be investing energy/money in this scenario.