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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

regarding inconsiderate people at concert? Long, sorry.

72 replies

inmyheadimthequeen · 30/05/2014 09:52

Haven't posted in AIBU before....

DH and I took the DCs (13 & 12) to concert last night. The music is our era, not theirs but they wanted to go and know it through being on around the house etc. We had all looked forward to it for months and the tickets cost £300+ for the 4 of us. DH came straight from work because of logistics of getting there.

Concert started and for at least the first 6 or 7 songs, two 40-ish men in front of me talked loudly between and through the music. I don't mean constantly, but not just in the breaks either iykwim, loud enough for me to hear them 'remember this one?', 'I love this one', 'Do you think X will come on stage?' that kind of thing. Clearly, other people could hear them too, there was quite a but of head-swivelling and pursed lips going on. I was immediately behind them.

The concert was a 'history of' thing so the band were talking about how they first got together etc. So the in-between-songs bits were a bit more than 'Hello and welcome' chat. Anyway, the talking didn't stop or quieten down, and about 6-7 songs in I leaned over and said (quietly and politely), 'Excuse me, I don't want to be rude or anything but I can hear you talking and it's really loud, do you think I could ask you to keep it down a little bit'?

Oh dear.

Man 1 immediately turned round and started saying that he had paid for his ticket, he would talk if he wanted, he wasn't disturbing anyone, I had no right etc etc etc. I didn't answer any of this because the next song had started.

At the end of that song, while the singer was talking, he turned again and more of the same but this time saying that I was trying to spoil his evening by me 'claiming that he had ruined my night', and 'complaining all the time' and saying that he would carry on talking if he wanted. This time my DH (the mildest mannered person I have ever met), leaned over and said 'that's enough' and it settled down. A repeat at the interval an hour in (by this time he and his friend had had about 4 beers each, they had arrived with a big tray of drinks.

They didn't come back straight after the interval but the one who said I'd ruined his evening arrived about 1.5 songs in, with another tray of beers. Then he got his phone out. The security person (a young girl) came over and the chap sitting beside me said, 'thank god, maybe they will throw him out now', but she just asked him to turn it off. He didn't of course, just explained loudly that he was just checking his texts and wouldn't be a minute. Then the other friend arrived (more beers) and the second half continued much as the first - the music had got a bit louder/rockier by now so the talking wasn't as intrusive but still def loud enough to hear and still through the songs and not just in the breaks between. Also singing along badly although this didn't actually bother me so much.

Anyway, we left before the end, because I was worried there would be any other confrontation and they were now very clearly drunk. None of us really enjoyed it, me because I hate confrontation and my DH and DCs because they could also hear all the talking and could tell I was upset by it.

My DS asked why I had said anything and I said that if you let people act like dicks then they'll just carry on doing it so I felt it would be more unreasonable to say nothing and let it wind me up all evening. But was I right? Should I just have put up and shut up? I only know I would never behave like this and can't imagine my DCs doing so either, even as teenagers, never mind men in their 40s.

Rant over, sorry it's long. Was I BU??

OP posts:
deakymom · 30/05/2014 09:56

no xx

OwlCapone · 30/05/2014 09:56

So, you wanted to sit in stony silence for a concert?

deakymom · 30/05/2014 09:58

owl its not about sitting in silence if they are being loud enough to disturb a lot of people they are being too loud! and when asked politely to tone it down they ranted! i would be mortified if i was being loud like that! a simple sorry and moderate your tone is all you need to do to make people happy

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 30/05/2014 10:03

I'd have said something. I once asked a woman to stop talking at the theatre (she was talking to her kids who were trying to ignore her...!) she did try to shut up but was clearly struggling to control herself the whole way through.

I find this happening more and more, at the cinema as well.

It makes me really cross but there doesn't seem to be anything that solves it. Complaining often makes it worse as you discovered.

lylasmam2012 · 30/05/2014 10:03

No matter how many concerts and gigs I go to, I am always behind these people. It's just something you have to deal with. I did get 2 girls thrown out of a Whitney Houston concert as they were shouting obscenities at Whitney and calling her a junkie. No idea why they paid to go see her.

AnyoneforTurps · 30/05/2014 10:03

YANBU - OK to talk in the breaks if the band are not talking, I think, but not if you disturb other people. They sound like cocks.

Chocotrekkie · 30/05/2014 10:03

I didn't know you had to sit in silence at a concert.

I must then have annoyed everyone round about me at the last one I was at - I was saying to my dd "oh this song was on the radio all the time when me and your dad went to xx" or "this is your aunts favourite"

Am I not supposed to do this ?

qazxc · 30/05/2014 10:06

YANBU, you asked them politely to not talk so loud.

Original poster
inmyheadimthequeen · 30/05/2014 10:13

Thanks for replies so far. Owl and Choco - no way do I expect silence, as I mentioned I didn't actually mind the singing, it's often part of the atmosphere and leaning over to talk or whisper to say, 'oh, I like this one' or something I think is perfectly normal. It was that they kept on talking and it was really loud, I could hear every word they were saying (including 'Oh, I'd better stop talking or the stroppy mare behind me will be complaining again'). Maybe I was meant to hear that bit Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyheadimthequeen · 30/05/2014 10:15

I agree lylapoint - why didn't they stay at home and put the CDs on? All that money for tickets and they probably missed half of it with their constant chatter!

OP posts:
wowfudge · 30/05/2014 10:15

Different concerts have different atmospheres I think. I was at an 'intimate' gig in a small, but unusual, venue a couple of weeks ago - really good-natured crowd. There was no seating, all tickets were general entry. Lots of encouraged signing along.

Some people (all men taller than me) had their phones out recording bits of the concert. They obviously had no regard for the people behind them who had to watch via their mobile phones while they indulged in what I think is largely pointless behaviour. Why can't people just have memories these days?

About half way through a woman, her friend and her mother all pushed in front of the woman standing to my right - the stage was south east from where we were standing. The woman to my right was hacked off as she now couldn't see and had a go at the woman who had pushed in although she kept it polite, saying the other woman was now blocking her view and she'd found a place right at the start, etc. The response she got was very agressive and 'I've got as much right as you to be here'. I asked them both to stop rowing and enjoy the concert. The aggressive pusher in then kept turning round and continuing the row and alternately chatting to her mother. In the end I said, 'please could you stop, you are spoiling this for me'. The mother apologised and then made a point of stopping her adult daughter from turning round again.

At some concerts you expect lots of people to be singing along and they tend to be very loud as well so chatter from the audience isn't as intrusive. Other artists I think you go to hear them sing, not the tone deaf eejit in front of you.

I don't think YWBU - you were polite and the talker was a dismissive arse because he said he wasn't disturbing anyone when he clearly was. I wouldn't had left early though - perhaps you were over-sensitive? These days if you ask someone to moderate their behaviour you almost have to expect a gob full unfortunately. Just because you are polite does not mean others will be in return.

DoJo · 30/05/2014 10:16

I hate people who talk through gigs like this, as though what they are saying is so much more important that others being able to hear the music that they have paid for! Nobody expects anyone to sit in silence (and it's pretty disingenuous to pretend that is a possible interpretation of what the OP said), but to talk at such a volume and so much that others are disturbed is just plain rude and inconsiderate.
You can have a loud obnoxious conversation anywhere in the world - why pay and do it where you will be impeding others' enjoyment?

BerylStreep · 30/05/2014 10:20

I don't think you were BU in saying something, but I think it is a risk that you take in confronting people who are inconsiderate.

It's a shame your night was ruined.

If this happens in cinemas I go and complain to the staff rather than trying to deal with it myself.

WilsonFrickett · 30/05/2014 10:28

Oh I hate hate hate people talking loudly in gigs. YWNBU and I'm glad you spoke up, but unfortunately when you do speak up for yourself sometimes it doesn't go well. They were ignorant and rude and I'm sorry your night was spoiled.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/05/2014 10:37

It's OK to have a few beers at a gig (OP it is, honestly) and it's OK to talka bit but when it becomes obtrusive of other people's enjoyment, it's not OK

However, IME it's a waste of breath to ask people to stop because they won't.

People standing up in front of us (in an area where standing was expressly forbidden) nearly ruined the last gig I went o. Despite loads f people asking them to sit down and even being booed, they persisted - until they were thrown our

scarletforya · 30/05/2014 10:40

They sound like a pair of idiots. I bet if it had been for burly blokes behind them they would have stfu. Grr

scarletforya · 30/05/2014 10:41

*four burly blokes

Original poster
inmyheadimthequeen · 30/05/2014 10:48

Thanks all, it sounds as if my experience isn't that unusual - maybe I'm just getting old that I don't want to put up with it Smile. We go to quite a lot of gigs, shows etc and I'm not saying I've never seen or heard lairy people before now but it was just so disappointing in an event we had looked forward to and gone to a lot of effort/expense to get there. TBH, it gobsmacks me that it seems to be the 'norm' and that the rest of us should just put up with it. DH & I work hard to make sure my DCs understand what is normal, reasonable and polite behaviour and sometimes I wonder if we are teaching them the wrong things - would we serve them better by teaching them it's every man for himself and suit yourself at the expense of others? Yes, that is a joke!

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyheadimthequeen · 30/05/2014 10:54

Thanks Bitoutofpractice - it wasn't the beers I was objecting to, I am quite the beer-and-wine monster myself!! I just mentioned it because it decided me about leaving a bit sharpish, it was bad enough when they were relatively sober but I wasn't prepared to risk them starting a row at the end when they were much more drunk than they had been at the beginning and we had my DCs with us. Like I said, my DH is very calm and laid back but he wouldn't put up with anyone abusing me and it was easier to leave it behind us.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 30/05/2014 10:57

YANBU, people like this drive me nuts. People just don't seem to have any sense of etiquette at public events these days. Like people who can't get through half a theatre show without packets of chips and popcorn. If you want to eat and talk, go to a restaurant. Otherwise, STFU.

flipchart · 30/05/2014 11:00

I go to loads of gigs and often wonder why some people are there!

Last one I went to 5 guys huddled around talking about football results and what they were doing at the weekend. Every now and again one would go 'Oh I like this one!'
I was thinking how can you hear it to know what it is!!!!

angelos02 · 30/05/2014 11:03

YANBU. Due to people often being ignorant of those around them, I rarely go to gigs, cinema etc as they take all of the enjoyment out of the experience. Cunts.

flipchart · 30/05/2014 11:13

With regard to cinemas I also go to small independent cinemas.
No popcorn or big containers of coke. You can take a glass of wine in.
Some even have 'elevenses' where you can get tea and cake.
The films are much more interesting than the Hollywood blockbuster types anyway!!

kali110 · 30/05/2014 11:18

Was it the eagles?

BitOutOfPractice · 30/05/2014 11:31

I see what you mean now about the beers and yes I think you were right not to push it any further because who knows how inconsiderate prats like this will react.

If it was the Eagles though I have lost all sympathy Wink

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