to think SIL is in denial about my nice?

[Chucara]

my nice is 16 months old. At the moment she can't sit by her own unaided, does not crawl or walk, does not talk, does not point to things, and her eye contact is poor. My SIL thinks she is just too big and chubby to be bothered to move around and that it is a matter of time until she catch up. Apart from the fact that she is clearly developementally delayed in all aspects, my gut feeling is that there is something wrong with my nice and that she should be seen by a specialist or relevant person asap.

the thing is that i'm not close enough to my SIL to talk to her about this delicate subject and dont want to either hurt her feelings or maybe be wrong about it and regret having said anything about it!

Help Mumsnetters! what shall i do?

Calm down bluebird you are hysterical

chesterberry that is very interesting indeed. i find the whole neurodiversity movement fascinating.

coffee bluebird is not being hysterical. What a horrible, minimising and patronising way to post.

Nothing she has written is hysterical.
As we are on the subject of terminology that is a word invented by men to demean women.

I think some of the things you mention are irrelevant and some not very worrying. Crawling is not a developmental milestone, so I would ignore that, DD never crawled, just went straight to walking.

What do you mean by 'sit up unaided'? Do you mean cannot get to a sitting position from lying down? DD could not sit up from a lying position at 16mo but could walk a few steps - my paeds said it was because she was a very large toddler and it just took her longer to develop muscle tone. If the toddler cannot support herself at all in a sitting position this may be more of a concern.

It's not unusual for 16mo not to talk. DD didn't talk at all at 16mo, at 3yo she speaks two languages and understands a third. Speaking is not as important as understanding as a developmental milestone so early on.

Does not point to things: does she not interact with toys at all? Will she not pick up and drop things? Pointing as such should just about be happening so maybe she is on the slower end of the normal developmental scale.

In either case while I see why you would worry there isn't much you can do about this. The parents are getting medical advice, which you may not be privy to, so I would leave them to it unless they ask for your help.

Your comment about a second child is really bizarre. Why wouldn't your SIL try for a second child regardless of whether your niece has or has not some developmental delays?

I'm an Early Years SLT and its absolutely not true that 16 months is too early to be referred or that SLT support is 'more effective' after 3. OP, you are quite right to be concerned about your niece, given your description of her current development. You're in a difficult position - it sounds like her parents are not ready to accept that she needs additional support. People generally don't respond well to advice, however well intentioned. I'm sorry, you sound very concerned and rightly so

It would be physio birds. I myself have referred children of a similar age not sitting for physio also for a review by community paeds. Saying they do nothing until three is absolute nonsense

I have discharged most of mine by three, once they go to nursery and I have handed them over to the SENCO

I see children from birth if indicated.

Its called Early Intervention for a reason.

In fact it's all about early intervention now. See a potential issue offer interventions early.

X posted

Well I don't know where this SIL is but in the uk the description f OPs niece would intimate a referral for paediatric assessment and portage, at the very least.
Early support can make such a difference.

I wonder if your sil has friends with children of a similar age or if she goes to baby/toddler groups? I think seeing other children who are a similar age helps put your child's development into perspective.

I think that she is still referred to as a baby shows that she is quite a way behind your average 16 month old, but also possibly that the family are happy to see her as a baby. My ds is 17 months old and he is defiantly a little boy rather than a baby, he has his own opinions and ideas, he eats/walks/talks independently. He still looks alot like a baby in that he only has s little wispy fair hair and a baby face but we refer to him as our little boy.

I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread but am shocked to hear people say that physio / OT doesn't kick in till later. My DS has had physio , OT and speech therapy from 6 months old. The earlier the intervention the better, waiting until they are three is too late. The NHS regularly sees babies for all these things. If I had my time again I would pay for private to and physio from 6 months as well (if I could afford to!) it really does make a difference.

Thanks all, that is useful, diverse and thought provoking. My limited undertanding was that early intervention made a difference and that was one of my motivations for talking to my sil. just a few relevant clarifications:

when i say she does not sit unaided i mean she can't sit up on her own without a cushion or some kind of support at the back and when she does she will normally fall with her head to the front. my sil is constantly supporting or holding her or she puts her in the buggy which will dovthe job.

my sil and family are from ecuador, although i'm not sure that makes any difference. it might be that in ecuador children are relatively understimulated (for the good or thr bad) and they are not expected to meet milestones as in the uk.

it might be a case of different developmental rate, actual sn or understimulation.

i have decided not to talk to my sil but as one contributor to the discussion said, i would be deeply concerned if she was my daughter and i am concerned for her too as my nice!

thanks all again for contributing to an interesting discussion about a range of relevant issues.

A child would have to suffer severe deprivation to be that physically delayed if there was not an underlying cause.

Lack of stimulation can cause delays but your DN has abnormal muscle tone (or a similar issue). Unless she is in a room on her own all day I would say it was unlikely to be purely down to under-stimulation.

AFIAK children do not develop at different rates depending on country of birth (not in any major way that I have heard of)
I would be fascinated if they did (genuinely). So am happy to be corrected.

I haven't read all the threads but birds they do give physio, not it, to 16 month olds that can't sit
They need to get her roll first though either way one

It has nothing to do with your sil :(
I was always blamed because I was a young mum. I carried her too much yadda staffs. It was all crap

'She told me today she is considering to go for the second baby soon, that's the extent of her denial'

What has that got to denial? I conceived and had a baby whilst investigations were being carried out for ds, and had another baby a coue of years after diagnosis. I don't understand this point.

I am not a SALT zzzzzz

Once a child starts nursery I can no longer have them on my active caseload so I hand over to the SENCO. It would be remiss of me not to do any transitional work. I am surprised you think that would be acceptable.

Their other therapies continue as normal.

I do hope that clears up your [confusion]

Reading the thread would have avoided it in the first place though.

If they don't go to nursery they are not discharged.
If they go to nursery I can no longer visit them.
I keep them on my caseload for as long as I can. The parents will often keep in contact for years. I always do what I can to help them.

Your industry comment is deliberately offensive.
How can you comment on my practice if you don't even know what I do

I don't need to hand over to the other professionals because we work in conjunction. The child does not go from one to the other like a parcel. All the work I do is in agreement with the parents. Everything comes from the parents. I am led by them.

You might want to bear in mind that I am also a parent of a child with SN.
So if you want to pick on somebody for a bit of sport. Go and find somebody else.

I have got enough to deal with. 5 appointments in the next two weeks and a tribunal meeting (on top of my evil job in the industry of course)

As well as keeping my child safe and his siblings safe.
Oh and keeping SS off my case.

But you know, its always fun when someone from the SN boards fancies a dig at me.

Of course I am stressed!
WTF wouldn't I be?

I chose to work in an field that I feel passionately about. As well as having a DS with SN I had a child with a terminal illness. She was severely disabled by her illness and needed 24 hour care
. I work on a daily basis with families dealing with the same issues that I have dealt with for years.

My service is educational as well as the family support work. When the child goes to nursery it is a natural progression, not a dumping of them.

There is a push towards two year placements from the government and lots of parents are taking them up.

I am wary of this. One of the reasons is that the parents will lose services and it will be deemed that their 15 hours a week is sufficient. It isn't.

So I keep families on for as long as they want to contact me.

As with most thing in this 'industry' you are targeting your comments at the wrong place.

I and just about everybody I work with, go out on a limb to work outside of official guidelines.