to ban my 5yo from playing with guns/violent games/Minecraft?

[BooBecks]

So, I have a 5 year old who is nearing the end of his first year in reception. He is a typical boy and full of beans. I have never allowed him to have a toy gun, or even make a pretend gun out of Lego etc. because.. well… he's 5!!!

I do not think that at 5 he should be even thinking of killing things or shooting people. It's barbaric and violent in my opinion. Guns destroy lives - I have explained how people are sad when somebody they love dies and to play "killing people" is upsetting. He would be sad if somebody he or I love was killed.

He does have a toy pirate sword, which he occasionally slays a dragon with or has a sword fight with another make-believe pirate, until he obviously makes him walk the plank… and I'm ok with that. Thats not just about the kill.

Another issue I have is Minecraft.. Firstly I don't get it! The graphics are awful, it makes me feel sick even looking at it for 30 seconds. But all the kids seem to be into it. 5 year olds nowadays seem to be able to navigate the internet and YouTube better than I can! There's this guy "Stampy" who does videos and he would literally watch that all day if he was allowed. So I have banned him completely! It frazzles their brains surely? He is a bit of an obsessive kid, he gets very fixated on stuff so it kinda has to be 'all or nothing'. I would just much rather he spent his time being constructive, making stuff, using his imagination, playing games outside etc. Not engrossed in a fantasy world.

Now, I am completely happy with my decision and I think it makes my boy a nicer child - less moody, sleeps better, cuddlier etc. However, my OH thinks that I am being unreasonable and "he's just a boy, doing boy things" So today I came home and he was charging round the house, "shooting" his little sister and is now being a monster going to bed, I think point proven, Dad thinks its just coincidence…

Opinions please!

Stupid to ban minecraft. Banning guns? Maybe, but boys will tend to make their own guns out of whatever they get their hands on, whether that be a piece of toast, or a stick or whatever. Just explain to him about it and let him make up his own mind. Banning violent games goes without saying. They are all 15 or 18 rated anyway.

Minecraft is ace. Stampy is ace.

YABU about 'a typical boy' - there is no such thing.

I get where you're coming from with the gun thing - I can see how too many fighting games and too much screen time might be bad for kids.

In our family we go for an 'all things in moderation' approach, so they do have toy weapons (mostly swords, and only in the garden) and they do play games on screens and watch stampy on youtube for a limited time each day.

Every family is different though and so whatever works for you and your family is good.

Bendy straws also make great guns when toys are removed at mealtimes ime.

I agree about banning guns and violent games. I admit I don't know much about Minecraft other than that kids seem to love it. It seems to be quite creative though. My nephew plays it and he builds towns and villages. He loves violent games like GTA (don't ask!) And while I don't allow it at my house I would allow Minecraft.

Obviously your son understands more about minecraft than you do.

Since you are asking for an opinion... I think you are fighting a lost battle, because your child is not an island and also, because no matter how much you try, boys are wired to be interested in throwing/hitting things, be it kicking a ball or playing with a nerf gun. As you have clearly pointed it, if they don't have one gun they will find something to pretend with. I have seen my son' and his friends shooting each using tree branches and even an asthma inhaler connected to an aerochamber.

Perhaps it's a good time to read Raising Boys by Stephen Biddulph (you will get an idea of why boys need to be treated like boys, not like girls with an extra apendice!)

The nursery I worked at banned children from making guns out of duplo/Lego etc, it worked for about 2 days then they started to use their fingers! You're fighting a bit of a losing battle on that front I'm afraid, children will find a way.
As for Minecraft, think of it as Lego on a screen. It's good mainly harmless fun that is fine in moderation. Stampys an annoying sod I grant you but he's entertaining and again, in moderation he's ok. Better for that age than syndicate or diamond minecart, both of whom can get a bit sweary.
YANBU on the violent games though.

All I'd say is chose your battles carefully. You will lose most of them so its as well to be sure they are worth fighting in the first place.

Your finger and thumb will make a gun, you need to let him be a chid. Minecraft is harmless.

Stampy is actually a really good role model-he laughs it off and stays calm when things go wrong/don't work in his 'world' and I've actually noticed a positive impact on my ds. As for playing with guns-don't pirates and cowboys have guns to? It's not all about the kill it's just typical goodie v baddies games they seem to like at 5.

Agree with you about banning violent video games/films though.

You let your child play at being a pirate, yet you won't let him play minecraft? Do you have any idea how violent and cruel pirates are?

It is beyond me that some people have this cutesy idea of pirates! And a sword! Walking the plank??

YABVU and extremely naive.

How about play fighting?! I just think when they are so small there is such a fine line between reality and make-believe. Where do you draw the line?

I suppose all this comes from when he was little - about 1YO, he was sat in his buggy and a 2 or 3 year old came into him, pointed his toy gun in my boys face and said "bang, you're dead" and this kids parents stood and laughed at him! I just thought how horrific that statement is, that little boy had no knowledge of what those words meant, it was harmless in his head - how could he comprehend the meaning of those words at that age?! I made the conscious decision there and then that until he had an understanding and was old enough to make a decision that considered the meaning of what he was saying.

I don't have my head in the clouds and I know that in the playground he must plays these games, he tells me he plays zombie games etc. and that's fine(ish) about it I know I can't police this, but violence is a big no in my house! "Mummy doesn't like violence" is a statement often said here!

My issue with minecraft is that he has been watching it before and clicked on one of the suggested videos and it has been full of swear words, there is all sorts onYouTube not suitable for little eyes. The actual game there is a chat bar, again I have seen VERY inappropriate things on there. It's too much connection with an adult world!
There are plenty of ways to educate children that doesn't involve a fantasy world surely?

In regards to the pirates... Children's literature is full of pirates, that's what my son thinks pirates are. I am yet to read a children's book where someone is shot and killed for fun.

I would and I did. My son is in his early twenties now and I remember when he was your son's age that Early Learning Centre had a policy of not selling war toys/guns so that got me thinking and I decided not to buy him any. He never asked for any either and don't remember any of his friends playing with guns. I've heard the viewpoint of cowboys etc but think things were rather different then, guns are unfortunately in the news every day and there are many other toys they can play with?
As you say OP, guns are ultimately for killing people. Stay strong, OP.

AFAIAA, one can play minecraft offline (i.e. not connected to other computers). There are also servers for children that don't tolerate bad language, or stomping on others' worlds/creations.

That said, 5yo is far too young to have any regular computer gaming IMHO.

YABU. Read 'We don't play with guns here's by Penny Holland for a different perspective.

Watching Minecraft videos on YouTube is totally different to playing it. Of course there is inappropriate content on YouTube. But you don't even have to watch videos about it in the first place.

There is no chat bar in our Minecraft but we only use single player.

Yabu regarding Minecraft, Stampy & YouTube. My 5yo DD has recently discovered Minecraft & Stampy (and Lego Ninjago & Chima & original Lucas Star Wars). We simply limit her playing/watching time and DH supervises her when she watches Stampy etc on YouTube so she doesn't get the chance to stumble across rubbish.

You're the parent - exert your authority and impose limits.

By the way, my DD does play act guns/swords/light sabres but she knows it's just play and never exhibits violent tendencies in real life.

Yanbu on violent video games though.

Why does your 5 yr old have access to YouTube? It's a totally unsuitable place for a 5 yr old, god knows what he'll click on.

Stampy's brilliant for young boys, my 8 yr old is allowed to watch a couple of 'Stampy's' a week, and plays minecraft frequently now. However, at 5 he didn't play computer games at all as I felt he was too young.

As for guns. Having watched my ds 'shoot' people people with everything from carrots to a Palm Sunday cross, I think you're fighting a losing battle. Plus, while he's having the mother of all nerf gun/ water gun battles, he's not watching YouTube is he?

Water pistols (not guns) are fine because we "squirt" each other, not shoot

In regards to stampy, where else can you watch it other than YouTube?