to ban my 5yo from playing with guns/violent games/Minecraft?

[BooBecks]

So, I have a 5 year old who is nearing the end of his first year in reception. He is a typical boy and full of beans. I have never allowed him to have a toy gun, or even make a pretend gun out of Lego etc. because.. well… he's 5!!!

I do not think that at 5 he should be even thinking of killing things or shooting people. It's barbaric and violent in my opinion. Guns destroy lives - I have explained how people are sad when somebody they love dies and to play "killing people" is upsetting. He would be sad if somebody he or I love was killed.

He does have a toy pirate sword, which he occasionally slays a dragon with or has a sword fight with another make-believe pirate, until he obviously makes him walk the plank… and I'm ok with that. Thats not just about the kill.

Another issue I have is Minecraft.. Firstly I don't get it! The graphics are awful, it makes me feel sick even looking at it for 30 seconds. But all the kids seem to be into it. 5 year olds nowadays seem to be able to navigate the internet and YouTube better than I can! There's this guy "Stampy" who does videos and he would literally watch that all day if he was allowed. So I have banned him completely! It frazzles their brains surely? He is a bit of an obsessive kid, he gets very fixated on stuff so it kinda has to be 'all or nothing'. I would just much rather he spent his time being constructive, making stuff, using his imagination, playing games outside etc. Not engrossed in a fantasy world.

Now, I am completely happy with my decision and I think it makes my boy a nicer child - less moody, sleeps better, cuddlier etc. However, my OH thinks that I am being unreasonable and "he's just a boy, doing boy things" So today I came home and he was charging round the house, "shooting" his little sister and is now being a monster going to bed, I think point proven, Dad thinks its just coincidence…

Opinions please!

Kids will make guns out of things regardless of how anti or pro gun toys you are.

A kid running about pretend shooting his friends/siblings is far removed from the horrors of Columbine etc.

My son loves Nerf Guns, they're bright, colourful and harmless.

It's possible to love gun games and the like and to know the dangers and horrors associated with real, live ammunition.

Im afraid he is just being a boy and, short of keeping him in until he's 18, you might be best allowing a bit more boy play.

He'll be fine.

To be honest, I think you are being a bit sanctimonious there, I can assure you that violence is not condoned in the average household, and most parents wouldn't allow their 5 year olds play violent games (unless they are totallu bonkers!).

IMO a 5 year old shouldn't be playing multiplayer minecraft at all, or at least without someone right next to him the whole time (and chat switched off) and should only be watching v carefully selected youtube videos.

BUT single player minecraft is ace, covers all the bold bits of what you want when you say "I would just much rather he spent his time being constructive, making stuff, using his imagination, playing games outside etc.".

Everything in moderation and you need to be outside too (mostly even) but one thing minecraft definitely is is creative and imaginative.

See DS is allowed to shot his toy soldiers with his nerf gun, he is slowed to shout imaginary monster and targets. If he shoots them at people the gun gets taken off him and he is in 'the zone' and the gun taken away for a week.

The only time he can shoot people with a gun is with a water gun.

Minecraft is awesome.

I think you should educate yourself on computer games.

DS (4) doesn't need guns.

He just shoots fire from his hands like Ironman, or webs like Spider-Man.

Play fighting, in one form or other, is his absolute favourite activity. Doesn't do it for me, really, but for him it is FUN. Much though I wouldn't mind him doing less web-shooting and more quiet jigsaws, that is just not him. Accepting the little person I love means accepting the things he loves too.

Frankly, I would be more worrued about a 5 year old allowed to use Youtube without supervision than playing with toy guns.

I don't know of anywhere else. Ds watches them through the tv so I can keep an eye/ear out. He knows only to access the ones through stampys own YouTube channel. Anything else, he has to ask first.

Hmm, I'm in two minds about this. I was amazed that my boys were so intent on playing shooting games. I didn't buy them guns but they improvised from an early age using anything including toast and everything.

I only let them have cartoon'y stylised shooting games on the computer when they were teens and only let them have first person shooters when they were mid teens. I also kept to the age ratings more or less.

There are so many other brilliant games for them to play that it was never a problem.

My boys were never rough and have never been involved in fights, however, I think it's an inate personality trait rather than a result of not having had access to 'guns' or shooting games.

They are young adults now and play Call of Duty etc but not obsessively. (They don't play GTA though because it's crap and nasty.)

The problem isn't Minecraft, it's that you've let him have unsupervised access to Youtube. The only time your 5 year old should be on youtube is with you sat next to him and watching channels that you know are safe or videos that you have already watched to check if their safe.

Banning Minecraft because of that is like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

I'm with MeMyselfAnd1, the fact that he was on the internet without you keeping a close eye on him stood out for me too.

Why were you letting him play minecraft if you've no idea what it's about? Half of the problem with shit like this is that you've got to try and keep up with what games/apps are about. Most of the time a quick google will tell you.

It's unreasonable to think you can keep the world away from him, although I totally understand you wanting to protect him from the shittier bits, but you can let him in on things in an age appropriate way (and to do that you've got to play the bastard things yourself ).

I honestly think that keeping DC away from computers/the idea of violence etc doesn't do them any favours, it's part of the world and they have to learn how to deal with it when it comes their way.

Guns don't destroy lives, people do.

I used to play with toy guns with my brothers, I have killed anyone or destroyed anyone's life because I was bought up to know that it is wrong.

but violence is a big no in my house! "Mummy doesn't like violence" is a statement often said here! That's an odd statement, to be honest. It's like those memes on fb 'like if you hate child abuse'. Does anyone actively like violence/child abuse?

there is all sorts on YouTube not suitable for little eyes. He shouldn't be on youtube on his own, at 5. I sit with dd (5) and police what she can watch. Her & her sister have a playlist & they have to stick to that for the most part. Of course kids are going to stumble onto crap unattended.

In regards to stampy, where else can you watch it other than YouTube? Believe me, youtube is probably the best place. All you need to do it go on it yourself, watch what is suitable & create him a playlist. Make it understood, that this is all he is allowed to watch. My dd has several videos in her list & she watches them over & over (not the same day, of course) and I keep an eye for new ones. There is noting wrong with youtube, when used with parental supervision & common sense.

I've never banned ds from anything war or computer related, just curtailed his time on things appropriately. BIL banned all computer games and guns from house until nephew was 9. He is bloody obsessed with gore and computers whereas mine can take it or leave it.

You always want what you can't have when you are a kid and making a huge the out of this will back fire.

He doesn't watch YouTube unsupervised. I have previously put stampy on, disappeared to make a brew, come back and he's clicked on something else. I am ALWAYS in the room!

My banning of it has derived from his obsessiveness, as I said, he's all or nothing. If I allow it he will want it morning until bedtime then can't sleep because he's thinking about it (he's told me that!)

I don't think banning works. Limit and let him know what those limits are and stick to them.

Go for Minecraft in single player, then it's essentially online Lego. Or do you object to the Creepers and Ghasts? In which case I think the app has even less (considered too boring by older players for that reason).

The square graphics, btw, are the whole point.

Stampy Longnose so fine, but make sure you keep him off others (like Captain Sparklez) until older because of the language.

At 5 you need to have screen time limits, whatever they are doing on screen. And also get used to watching/playing with them so you know what they are up to. I recommend you do this until secondary age, by which time they should have learned enough to have internalised the ripples for keeping safe online. And by which time they will probably be able to run rings round any tech protections if so minded.

I don't think he should be on it morning, noon and night, but there's nothing wrong with being obsessed with something.

There's obviously something in the game that appeals to him and it's OK for him to immerse himself in that, it's how you learn about things in-depth. Much better to be able to concentrate and follow something over time than to only have a passing interest in everything.

He'll still draw/write/make up stuff, and he won't lose his imagination if he focuses on one thing for a while, it'll add to his skills not take from them.

I grew up playing "war" with neighborhood kids where we got squirt guns, wooden guns, and toy plastic guns, and we would shoot each other and fall down and die. I had family members that owned guns, I got to shoot rifles when I was a kid with my cousins during back yard BBQ's. I played FPS's with my cousins when 007 was the huge N64 craze. As a teen I played paintball where we got to shoot people with pellets that actually hurt.

I never thought it was ok to actually shoot a person, nor have I ever seriously considered shooting someone. Though, certain violent games did rile me up to play a little more rambunctiously and rougher with my cousins when I was younger I also had adhd and played too rough without games. But that's as far as it went, and I have never hit anyone out of anger (as an adult).

So purely anecdotal evidence: No, violent games do not make violent people. I don't even have any desire to own a gun (but if I were to be honest, it's more because they're expensive and I have DD than principle).

I would even go so far as to say it doesn't even create people desensitized to violence. I still get upset when I see someone get hurt, and am horrified like everyone else when I see a school shooting (maybe even more so now that my child will be going off to a public school when she's older).

It's not a boy thing, and you are fighting an uphill battle with the gun thing. Kids of all ages have an amazing ability to make weapons out of absolutely anything, and they will copy other children even if you never allow them to watch violence etc, you can't stop them watching and copying their friends. Just keep reminding them that in real life, everyone who gets shot and killed has a family who will miss them etc etc.
Minecraft is ok, it's just Lego without the mess and expense. Highly portable and you can't loose the pieces or stand on the fuckers in the middle of the night. Win win really.

That's the thing... You disappeared to make a brew and your 5 year old was in command of youtube.

Frankly, there is plenty of nasty stuff hidden in children cartoons in Youtube. IMO you need to check you ate downloading from a trusted contributor OR check the videos before you let your child watch them.

I have encountered some sexual innuendo in "home made" lego star wars animation, and even a porn image frame in a pepa pig video. Obviously this problems are a minirity but still a problem. Make a list and control access, that will be far more protective to your young son than banning toy guns from the house.

The all or nothing is a red hearring, the same way you can stop him eating sweets all day long, you could stop him from watching TV all the tiime, obviously it will be a struggle until he learns that mummy won't do as he wants, but it is one worth it.

Minecraft is amazing. As for the graphics being awful, you can download texture packs which make it look much nicer/give it different themes etc.

Minecraft is great.

As far as sweary YouTube videos,you can set your computer up to allow general/u rated content.

My youngest plays with Nerf Guns, he has a whale of a time playing at being a spy, stalking the imaginary enemy soldiers in the back garden.He has a den which he camouflaged himself with branches and cardboard.

Minecraft is creative and for him I feel this has helped! Wrt Stampycat, he is fab! If ds is watching stampycat on YouTube I don't have to worry about swearing or inappropriate content.

I actually disagree with the majority. If you've noticed a positive change in his behaviour then it was a good decision. Just don't get too hung up on it - as others say they often improvise guns, while it may be horrific when you think about it, it's so commonly accepted among children in general that it's a bit of a losing battle. And I do think minecraft can be constructive but if you want to wait until he's a bit older there's no harm in that either.

Did anyone see Stampy on breakfast TV yesterday morning? My DD was so excited! He's making so much money from his videos (ad revenue) that he's been able to quit his job. Now he's got some deals lined up in LA.

yabvvu. Minecraft can be used to teach children how to build things using a certain amount of blocks. "we need five blocks of wood to make the sticks, where do we get wood from? yes trees! now punch the tree to get wood, and put this piece of wood here, here an here and now we have sticks!!"
"Now we need more wood to make our house! go get 5 pieces of wood, 1,2,3,4,5!" that sort of thing. also teaches them depth and how shapes (albeit, quadrilaterals) work. Very, very good game I can sit on it for hours with dp and we made an underwater city once! Out of diamond!
My mum policed what we could do but I was never inclined to use anything like that when I was 5 (it was still the 90s when i was five...) I used the computer for paint.
When I was 14 I had a laptop of my own and my mum thought I would use it for homework. She was wrong, because I used it for everything. Editing videos (which I taught myself), learning languages, downloading music/films and also being naughty and watching adult films :P
There is literally nothing wrong at all with the internet, video games, but if you think there is, then each to their own. Being a gamer, I don't think there's anything wrong with video games. At all. I'm desensitized from all the shooting and such now. Yes it's wrong in real life, but it's just a game. Boys liking guns is something boys do. Let him be a little boy.
Also, if you put your age as under 18 on youtube, things that are flagged as "only 18+" will not be able to be played even if he clicks on it. Most things are flagged, some are not. You just have to look yourself.