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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pee'd off with DS's football coach

65 replies

befrazzled · 26/05/2014 23:25

DS is in an under 9's football team. They had their presentation evening last weekend and he got Parents' Player and Top Goalscorer. Apparently he also got Players Player but, because the Coach wanted to 'keep it fair' ie he couldn't be seen to be winning 3 trophies, the team had had to vote a second time when it was obvious that DS had won Players Player, the second time they had to state their 2 favourite players. DS is happy that he won top goal scorer but I am secretly fuming that they fixed the awards - why bother asking them who their favourite player is then not give the award to that player? Am fully prepared to be flamed but AIBU?

OP posts:

KeepingUpAnon · 26/05/2014 23:29

Yes YABU. They are 8/9 year olds. It 's still mainly about fun at that age and there should be a certain amount of sharing out awards .

How do you know this?

AgentZigzag · 26/05/2014 23:37

I can see why you'd be fuming on his behalf, putting back a raffle ticket when you've already won a prize is one thing, but taking away an award from a child (showing how popular he is, which can be important at that age) is pretty low.

He won the awards, why skew it to make it 'fair,' hardly fair to your DS.

TheBuskersDog · 26/05/2014 23:37

At 8/9 if someone asks them to pick the best player they will choose the person who scores lots of goals, they are less able to appreciate the solid defender who prevents goals ever week.

My son when younger played for a team where one particular boy stood out as a more talented footballer than the others, he won plenty of awards - he didn't need to get them all.

I can't believe you are fuming about this.

hmc · 26/05/2014 23:39

I hate parents player and player's player awards, the first presupposes that the parents know their football and the second is just a popularity contest. Tbh I am not too keen on the Golden Boot either - hardly fair if you are a defender. I'm good with Manager's Player and Most Improved however - both of which are determined by the Coach who at least has a clue.

Still that is not what you asked ....hmmm, I don't think it is helpful for one player to monopolise the awards - which is precisely what happens when you have ill conceived awards like parents player and managers player

Joules68 · 26/05/2014 23:39

I agree with thebuskersdog

hmc · 26/05/2014 23:40

Typo - ill conceived awards like parents player and players player! ( I heartily approve of the managers player award)

AgentZigzag · 26/05/2014 23:42

If they want to spread the awards about they should have different awards.

ajandjjmum · 26/05/2014 23:43

Fuming seems a little ott - to be honest, I think that's a fair way of dealing with it for youngsters. Your DS is obviously a talented player, and will get plenty of awards in the future.

Original poster

befrazzled · 26/05/2014 23:44

The coach told DP at the end of the night. And for the record he plays in Defence for the majority of games so has stopped far more goals than he has scored.

OP posts:

hmc · 26/05/2014 23:47

How in the world did he get top goal scorer if he plays in defence. Defenders score the occasional goals from corners etc....but top goal scorer

erin99 · 26/05/2014 23:49

Yes YABU. It's got nothing to do with your DH not being seen to win 3. It's about another child getting one versus not. If you begrudge one of his team members that, at age 8, that is quite sad.

Hopefully next year they will avoid this by replacing Parents' Player with something awarded by the coach.

LostInWales · 26/05/2014 23:49

I agree with hmc, I don't know what other awards there are but I'm guessing that getting three of the trophies would be a big chunk of the awards for just one child. It was a clumsy way to go about it but as an U8's coach I believe that at their age it should be about inclusivity and making the children really love doing a team sport together. We have 'players player' the coaches award and the most improved trophies and would make damn sure that they went to three separate children. Your child is obviously a brilliant player, I would be so proud of them for that and make sure they knew how proud of it I was but also make sure they congratulated the child winning players player big time too. How brilliant that the parents chose your child as their favourite but also be thankful the coaches changed the third trophy because humans are daft and there would probably have been a bit of resentment too that other children didn't get anything when yours got three. Now go and volunteer to help out with coaching or safeguarding or forts aid or fundraising, you'll feel amazing doing it and it will benefit an awful lot of lovely children. (also do you want to sign him for out club, we are lovely and friendly and like good goal scorers )

LostInWales · 26/05/2014 23:53

Forts aid. First aid! Plus many other typos, sorry I have Stupid Arthritis and my hands are swollen, my typing is crap!

ComposHat · 26/05/2014 23:54

oh god... you are BU! Please just stop and think about this... it is a kids' football team, which should be about fun, not about 'my son's better than your son' oneupwomanship and taking it all so bloody seriously. This isn't the champions league and he hasn't just been robbed of FIFA Player of the Year.

He knows he's good, he's been recognised for being good by the awards of the parent's trophy and golden boot, but now you are moaning that he didn't get an additional award too? Share the prizes around and let some other kids get some recognition.

Original poster

befrazzled · 27/05/2014 00:03

DS was fine about it and was pleased for the player who won. My query was why ask them to vote then ignore that vote. Not sure what that says about young people having their voices/opinions ignored (and I would have said that if it had happened to one of the other players). LostInWales I am the Respect Officer for the club and do lots of fundraising/behind the scenes stuff too and wouldnt say he is a brilliant player, just a kind kid who works his socks off for his team and they love him for that. I'll accept the flaming

OP posts:

browneyedgirl86 · 27/05/2014 00:04

Yabu

Your DS won two awards. If he's content with that then so should you be.

BackforGood · 27/05/2014 00:05

YAB V U

I agree with TheBuskersDog HMC erin99 LostinWales and ComposHat - oh yes, virtually everybody.

It's parents with attitudes like yours that put people off letting their dc join junior football teams. Fortunately the team my dc plays for has the motto 'Fun First'

AgentZigzag · 27/05/2014 00:09

I only have DDs and neither of them are interested in the footy, I think this must be all way above my understanding

It's good your DS isn't fussed, he should get the award for good sportsmanship too

LostInWales · 27/05/2014 00:11

Oh gosh befrazzled it wasn't supposed to be a flaming! I would be so proud if that was my son and if he is kind too you have hit the jackpot, we don't have a respect person but it sounds like a great idea, I'm just stupid obsessed with children getting out and having a load of fun playing sport together, out little team is the highlight of my week but boy do emotions run high at trophy time. I'm terrified of getting it wrong at our presentation evening next week!

FloozeyLoozey · 27/05/2014 00:14

Actually I do agree op. The rules are rules. Vote fixing doesn't sit well with me, whether it's good intentions or not.

And people say kids football is fun first at age 8/9, but the top lads are already getting siphoned off and signed for the academies of professional clubs.

Original poster

befrazzled · 27/05/2014 00:14

AgentZigzag it appears to be way above my understanding too

OP posts:

mymatemax · 27/05/2014 00:20

they are only 8/9 yrs old. it spreads the awards out a bit, it is a team game after all & I know they frigged the numbers but kids that age really tend to notice the achievements of the goalscorer & tend to vote accordingly.. or for their mate!
As they get older the results & trophies become more honest rather than just sharing them about a bit.
Its not the world cup, its kids football. Your ds is happy & I'm sure another child was also a little happier as a result, isn't that what its about?

meditrina · 27/05/2014 00:24

I think what's wrong here is that they had two awards by popular vote.

I think the "parents' player" award is unusual, and perhaps should have been replaced by an award from the coaches, perhaps plus one for best attitude and one for most improved.

I'm not wild about the whole idea of a 'most goals' award either.

And yes, the awards should be discreetly shared out - there are all sorts of skills that merit reward and players who deserve recognition.

At this age, the focus should not be excessively competitive. Even the FA is moving away from focus on goals and final scores and tables until the children are older.

AgentZigzag · 27/05/2014 00:26

I was mostly going on the giving the award with one hand and taking it with the other, I didn't reckon on all the footy politics

It's unfair, especially as the DC know what's gone on. That doesn't teach them the message that sharing the awards out 'fairly' is trying to say to them (that everyone's valuable), it just teaches them that if you don't get the result you want you keep asking until you do.

Is the other lad really that happy with winning the award by default?

ComposHat · 27/05/2014 00:27

And people say kids football is fun first at age 8/9, but the top lads are already getting siphoned off and signed for the academies of professional clubs.

Yes that's true, but only a fraction of highly skilled youngsters, 99.99 per cent will not be selected for a professional academy and should be playing for fun.
For the handful that do make it to an academy, they are not being selected on the basis of end of season trophies won it will be on the basis of ability and potential.

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