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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To NOT wave at my neighbour?

59 replies

mameulah · 26/05/2014 22:52

We have a very large front window. Most of the houses on our street do. The sort of window that is basically the same size of the wall. We have lived here for a few years and it is an unwritten rule that neighbours don't look in each others windows. It is just how it is.

Anyway, the woman across the road has lived here for about a year. She is really nosy. My Mum thought I was exaggerating about how nosy she is, until she met her.

So, tonight I was sitting in living room, minding my own business watching tele. And the woman across the road walks past and waves. I didn't wave back. I pretended I didn't see. It feels really intrusive and I don't want her in 'my space'.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Smilesandpiles · 26/05/2014 22:54

Get some sort of frosting or pattern to put on the glass. Light still gets in but you get your privacy.

Ebay sells these.

WorraLiberty · 26/05/2014 22:55

YANBU

But YABU to not close the blinds

It gives me the creeps to think other people can see into my house at night, because when it's dark outside you can't always see them looking.

Applelicious · 26/05/2014 22:57

Yes, there's this film you can stick on the inside of your window. You can see out perfectly but to the outside it has a mirror effect.

AgentZigzag · 26/05/2014 22:57

It is a bit off of her to be waving at you relaxing in your living room.

I can't help laughing at imagining how it played out

But then you are sat there with your wall of window just begging for her to interact with you.

Flick the Vs at her next time.

That'll learn her.

Original poster

mameulah · 26/05/2014 22:59

But it wasn't dark, and we live on a corner so we actually have reasonably big front garden. It isn't as if we made eye contact, or actually could.

I just find her 'in your face'.

She is the sort of person that asks you so many questions you end up not wanting to tell her anything.

We don't have blinds, and apart from her have no reason for them.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 26/05/2014 23:00

I love having a look in on rooms when the lights are on and curtains not closed (mostly in the car/on the train, I'm not at stalker levels or anything )

If people leave the light on/curtains open I just presume they want people to judge have a nosy at their decor.

EverythingsDozy · 26/05/2014 23:01

My friend used to live on a ground floor flat with a large window. She used to leave the curtains closed at all times (so artificial light all day) because she hated the lack of privacy!
YANBU, I wouldn't have waved either. Could you try bringing it up in conversation? "Oh I hate these massive windows! I feel like everyone is looking in all the time and I have no privacy! I'm going to have to keep the blinds shut"

Original poster

mameulah · 26/05/2014 23:01

Agent

That is basically it. I am at the opposite end of the room on the phone to my Mum and she is all 'yoohoo!'

And it is a huge window, you couldn't possibly put film on it. Loads of people walk past, she is the only one who doesn't seem to get that you are in your own space.

OP posts:

Catsize · 26/05/2014 23:04

YABU. Ah, the demise of society...

wobblyweebles · 26/05/2014 23:05

It was that hard to just wave back?

AgentZigzag · 26/05/2014 23:08

I suppose her only crime is that she's interested in what other people are getting up to and hasn't noticed the unwritten rule that seeing someone privately in their living room isn't the same as when they saw them publicly on the street.

I'm guessing if you spell it out to her she'll take the hump, which isn't good for neighbourly relations (which might be a godsend?)

If you don't acknowledge her do you think she'll get the message?

Is this the first time she's done it in the year she's been there? Is that because there hasn't been another opportunity like it or has she just started it up?

Original poster

mameulah · 26/05/2014 23:09

It is not the waving back. She is one them that would take a mile if you gave her an inch. The house adjoined to us has an equally large window. When I chase our pfb toddler round the garden I don't ever look directly into their window. I want them to know they are in their private space and not impose us onto them. Occasionally they wave and then we do, but on their terms.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 26/05/2014 23:10

at Catsize.

But she could think that because she knows you it's alright to say hello as she's walking past.

WorraLiberty · 26/05/2014 23:12

Oh god honestly there are not many things that give me the creeps, but the thought of loads of people walking past my house at night and being able to see in, really makes my blood run cold.

It's because when I was about 17yrs old, I was doing my hair and make-up in the hallway (the only decent mirror in the house), in front of our glass front door.

Anyway, my brother came home from work and said "Who was that?" I said, "Who was what?"

With that, he grabbed a bicycle pump (the only thing he could find lol!) and raced out the door, wielding it and shouting at some guy in a crash helmet. The guy jumped on a moped and my brother kicked the back wheel...knocking they guy sideways but he still managed to speed off.

It turned out that he had his face pressed up against the glass door, watching me and my brother said he'd been there for at least the 3 or 4 minutes it took him to walk down the road.

A couple of months later, we read in our local paper that a guy on a moped had been found with his face pressed up against someone's window...whilst masturbating!!

Hence my creepy-out-ness at not closing the blinds at night

Original poster

mameulah · 26/05/2014 23:12

She did it ages ago. And then knocked on the door. I was heavily pregnant at the time with our pfb. She asked me over for tea but it was half past eight and I was actually just going to bed. She then reappeared in the drive way and asked me what my dh did 'again'? Like I had told her and she had forgotten. I had never mentioned it previously. She then said 'you are always sitting watching tele on your own?' I guess some people would like the attention but I don't consider myself to be on display and if we did live right on the street then I would definitely put a net curtain up. I personally think she should not be so bloody nosy.

Anyway, our house went up for sale today. And my DH had cleared a lot of his stuff junk away. And he is away with work so his car is not here. I am SURE she thinks we have split up and that is why I am all of a sudden getting a heap more attention.

OP posts:

wobblyweebles · 26/05/2014 23:13

I love this thread.

Next: 'My colleague tried to smile at me as I walked past him in the corridor. WIBU to totally blank him?'

AgentZigzag · 26/05/2014 23:18

Fucking hell Worra

Your brother was awesome though! Only at a time of crisis would you try and kick the back wheel of someone trying to make off on a moped (I know someone who punched someone riding past them on a motorbike, forgetting they had a crash helmet on his hand hurt like fuck for a while, twat)

Glad you were OK though, some people are freaky as fuck.

RedRoom · 26/05/2014 23:18

Wobbly, a corridor is a communal space- OP is in her living room, in a private home, with someone looking in on her!

WorraLiberty · 26/05/2014 23:20

Yeah AZZ that was 28 years ago (shows age) and we still call him Billy the Bike Pump

NadiaWadia · 26/05/2014 23:27

A few years ago I used to have a neighbour that would do this. She was a nice person, and I am sure she meant no harm, but it bugged the hell out of me. When you are in your own home, you want to be in your private space. This is why now I always go for houses with living rooms that look out on the back. Much quieter too and its nice to be able to see the garden.

AgentZigzag · 26/05/2014 23:30

Invading my space like that, I would blank the fucker wobbly.

There's just no need for cheerfulness in a work space.

Worra, some things should never be lived down.

Pipbin · 26/05/2014 23:36

Yet people mock and get sniffy about nets or voiles. They stop this kind of carry on you know.

If people leave the light on/curtains open I just presume they want people to judge have a nosy at their decor.

I agree, if your curtains are open but they lights are on then it's fair game.

sunshinecity17 · 26/05/2014 23:38

I think probably gawping into peoples rooms as you walk past is not on , but if you do happen to inadvertently glance in and make eye contact , then yes a wave is in order.
can I ask if you are a townie? i have lived nearly all my life in small villages where you smile and wave and say hello to everyone you see whether you know them or not.It was a big shock when i went to uni and the big city how unfriendly everyone was (except elderly people)

Pipbin · 27/05/2014 00:22

I grew up in small villages and found not saying hello confusing too.
I have since discovered that you can say good morning to people if you are up before 7am. I go for a run at 6.30 and will say good morning to a number of people, but after 7am it's a no. Also you never say good morning if you are on a main road, only on a side road.

OohQuack · 27/05/2014 00:36

:D pipbin now you've said it, its true!

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