To think DD's behaviour is not due to her being spoilt?

[PickAUsername]

DD will be 2 in august, and has always been a difficult baby, but I really can't see anything I've done that has caused it.

As a summary...

-She refused food until she was 13 months, health visitors checked for tongue tie, but couldn't see any reason for it. She is now a very fussy eater, but not in an unhealthy food sense, she will just pick certain foods she likes for a certain time frame and won't touch anything else.

-She can't stand getting anything on her hands, this has been more recent, will start shaking and grunting and getting visibly stressed if there is anything from paint to a blade of grass on her hands.

-She has extreme tantrums over the smallest things, to the point of deliberately hitting her head on the floor and screaming for up to half an hour, she doesn't seem to notice me during these and I can't get any eye contact or distract her in any way.

-She has always found getting to sleep very difficult, won't let me settle her to sleep unless she is in the buggy, since giving up breastfeeding at 18 months the only way she will go to sleep is CC, she gets much more distressed if me or DP are in the room.

-She goes silent and clings to me around almost anyone other than DP or my parents. She takes a while to go off in new places and if someone (child or adult) interacts with her she will stare blankly and stay completely still until they go away.

-She doesn't really "play", prefers to empty or fill things, or put lids on or off things, or shut and open doors or gates. When we go to the park and I let her choose what to do she will often spend about 15+ minutes opening and shutting the gate before going in the same circuit up steps and down a slide, getting upset if this is interrupted. If I intervene before she gets into either of these, or she sees a dog (she loves them) then she will play something else but these are her standard games.

-She can only say 3 words (not pronounced understandably but I can understand them) and doesn't seem to have much understanding of what we say, didn't walk until 19 months and still wobbles/falls fairly often

I have voiced concerns to 2 health visitors, one said "no 2 toddlers are the same, she'll grow out of it, they go at different rates", and the other said "Try setting firmer boundaries it sounds like she likes getting her own way and is very stubborn."
Personally me and DP are beginning to think it could be early signs of ASD, but I have brought this up with my parents, and they said she just acts spoilt. They seem to think it's just me not dealing with her behaviour in the right way, but I can't see anything I could do differently to 'change' her reactions.

Sorry for the length, I tried to stick to the main points but it's still an essay!

On the other hand, when alone with me or DP at home, or out with noone else in sight she babbles at us, makes a lot of eye contact and cuddles, and she will hand us things constantly, so she does interact with us on her terms.

Err she's not "spoilt"

Could she just be "highly sensitive"?

I agree though it could be signs of "something" do persue it with your gp and health visitor because all referrals etc. usually take so long by the time you get seen their will be more indicators either way IYSWIM.

Personally, everything you have put in your OP had ASD alarm bells ringing. The best thing you can do is go to your GP with all the concerns you list, and ask for a referral to the Community Paed - they can investigate further, or put your mind at rest. However, I know that folks can be quick to shout ASD, so getting her professionally assessed with tell you one way or the other.

Hope that you can get some clarity, and either way, enjoy your little girl.

• will not with!

Take her to gp. Say you are concerned about asd. Ask for referral to child development clinic.

She doesn't sound spoilt :-)
My eldest has ASD and what you describe could be signs that your dd is on the spectrum, but could be just normal toddler signs too
If you are converted the best thing is to get things moving for a possible diagnosis as soon as possible. Ask your gp for a referral to a paediatrician. If takes some time to egg through the system! If she does suddenly develop in leaps and bounds and stop some of the unusual behaviour in the mean time then you can just drop it then, nothing lost.
Good luck

No, she doesn't sound in any way like she is 'spoilt' from what you've said. You clearly think that she is showing some signs of ASD and having fostered and known a number of children with Aspergers I'd say that this could possibly be the case, although she is very young still. What does your GP say?

Hi OP, I rarely comment (mostly lurk!) but felt I had to reply to you. I work in education (with a special interest in ASD) and for me, what you are describing could be symptomatic of an ASD.

Please, don't take no for an answer with your health visitor and if necessary, go above them to your GP. Does your daughter attend a nursery? If so, and if they are a LA/partnership nursery, they should be able to offer help with a referral.

Apart from the not speaking, she sounds like a typical 2 yr old.

If you suspect ASD, keep pushing for assessment. Go to your GP and make a fuss; if no joy with your own, make an appointment with a different one at the practice. Your Children's Centre or similar will also have ways to advise.

I won't internet diagnose. Some of what you describe may mean that she's on the spectrum. The important thing is that you have concerns which need to be listened to. Good luck

Looks like asd to me too.

I'd look at the characteristics of so-called Highly Sensitive Children and also ASD as others have said. Clearly you need answers for your own peace of mind if nothing else. Good luck.

We had made an appointment with the GP but cancelled it as I felt silly going after the health visitors and my parents had been unconcerned.

I think I will make another one, I also partly cancelled it as I feel awful about going in effectively saying I think there's something "not quite normal" about her when she's my daughter.

She sounds like my eldest when he was a toddler, he is autistic. I would suggest ditching the health visitors, they were no good to me either. I took him to the GP when he was eighteen months and got him referred to a paediatrician. He was diagnosed as autistic when he was a little over two.

It is a early diagnosis and fairly unusual but the paediatrician was willing to make it to ensure he could attend the special needs preschool he needed.

It was a fight to get someone to listen, I am lucky, I come from a background in care so I not only knew what I was looking for I knew the words to use to get someone to listen to me.

If I can be any help please feel free to send me a message, my son is four now so I have done this fairly recently. Obviously I can't whether she is or she isn't autistic, only a paediatrician will do that but if there is any way I could help I would be happy to.

She is a bit young to be diagnosed with ASD. You could go to your GP and ask for a referral for a Speech and language assessment. Her language is delayed enough to justify a referral (although not necessarily a cause for concern, some kids just take their time) .
A Speech therapist will also be looking for signs of social communication difficulties. No talking is a bit more 'concrete' iyswim so GP may be more likely to take notice.

Trust your instincts. There's a Special Needs section of this site which might be a good place to post for specific support. And it is scary - your daughter may not turn out to be who you thought she'd turn out to be when you dreamed your pregnant and new-born baby dreams for her

When we sought help for my younger ds, I felt like I was betraying him, with every concern I voiced.

It was the speech therapist that confirmed what I was thinking, as she noted his lack of eye contact, poor attention, failure to understand some of the general concepts of language, both expressive and receptive.

He went on to be diagnosed with ADHD and ASD as well as other comorbid conditions. I still struggle with his diagnoses, but know that because of them, we have been able to access help for him.

I am sorry, but she doesn't 'sound like the average toddler' to me. She sounds like my son was at that age, and he was diagnosed with Aspergers.

one said "no 2 toddlers are the same, she'll grow out of it, they go at different rates", and the other said "Try setting firmer boundaries it sounds like she likes getting her own way and is very stubborn."

I was fed this (crap) for years - even though my son had a Statement of Educational Needs the Health Visitors and GPs were still spouting this. They even had the nerve to tell me it was because I was an 'older mother'.

Please go to your GP.

Don't listen to the people saying it's highly likely to be Asperger's syndrome. It might or it might not. Asperger's is something everyone thinks they know something about. There are huge variations in toddler behaviour and many, many toddlers are unusual in some way or other. The fact that your DD will make eye contact with you etc. is great. As for speaking, she's not even two!! My DD turned two last August and we had reason to be concerned, a bit like you. She had picked up some words and promptly lost them all. Social problems with other children. At times I felt like I couldn't get through (started threads about it too!!). Annoying relatives said I'd spoilt her (no, I hadn't). She was extremely shy. Now, at over two and a half, she's beginning to talk now and you wouldn't believe how many other children are her age and no further on - when you're worried, you only see the children who are ahead of your child. Last week, we saw a consultant for a full check-up regarding all the things I'd been worrying about - it turned out there was nothing worrying at all! If you would like to know how to set the wheels in motion for a check up, here's how it's done: you mention the matter to your health visitor. She makes a referral to speech and language therapy. They make a referral to a consultant.

Try looking for an autism parent support group in your area. I think that would be really useful.

If I had a penny for every time Firmer Boundaries was used I would be rich. My child doesn't have autism, but has something that is still being diagnosed. Firmer boundaries are not needed and he is not spoilt either.

Good luck.

I have a son with ASD, please follow your gut instincts. It may be nothing but you know your child best and a lot of your post screams ASD to me. If your health visitor isn't any help you need to go to your GP. Write a list of your concerns to take with you as it's very easy tpo go blank! Have you looked at www.m-chat.org/

I know a little boy who has been diagnosed with ASD at the age of 2. It's never too young, not if there are signs now. Getting an assessment referral now means you can access support for her if she is diagnosed. It's not a good idea to wait.

I think ASD too.

Its best to get her diagnosed now at her age, then you and she will have the support and knowledge to help her grow and develop.

I do believe a child can be too young for a diagnosis. My friend's DS was diagnosed with ASD at 2 and definitely had very clear traits. However he has changed so much in the past year between 2 and 3 that the diagnosis is being questioned by his new paediatrician. There is such a range of toddler social behaviour and language development that it is really difficult to give a diagnosis to a child at this age. I'm also not sure how helpful it is. My advice would be to give it some time and try not to compare with other children. There's nothing wrong with getting some advice from GP though if you feel this would be best.