I feel as though dh doesn't do his fair share at home. We often argue over it. He feels hard done by as due to the constant arguments he feels pushed into doing more than he thinks he should. I still feel as though things aren't fair and that I am having to constantly battle to even get to that point (not fair, but fairer than they would be if I didn't battle)
DH works hard, he works from home so is here a lot. I am a SAHM to 3 children, 2 at school and one whirlwind toddler.
I do all the housework, all the washing, all the cooking, all the homework at the weekends, all the organising etc. DH baths the kids and puts them to bed most nights (except youngest who is still bf), plus he makes me a cup of tea every morning when the alarm goes off and loads the dishwasher on the occasional evening.
I've asked many a time for him to cook just one meal a week, at the weekend as I don't like cooking and am fed up of it 7 days a week. It's happened once this year I think. If I want a lie in, I have to tell him the night before, wake up first with the kids and wake him up repeatedly to remind him to get up etc. if he wants a lie in, he just doesn't get up and then saunters downstairs a couple of hours after I'm up saying 'thanks for the lie in'
Anyway, today he said he wanted a couple of hours to do some eBay stuff. I said fine, he could have the morning to do that, I would sort the kids etc as long as after lunch (we went out for lunch) he would look after the kids so I could sort out the back log of washing. He said fine. He had his eBay time, we went out for lunch. As we were finishing lunch he said 'what shall we do this afternoon?' I said he'd promised to watch the kids while I did stuff, he said 'oh yes I'd forgotten, well you could do that later, shall we go to the park first?' I said no as it was gone 3pm and we didn't have enough time to fit both in. He was sarky about that but agreed. We got home about 4, I've been sorting the house and he's been watching the kids. They eat tea at 5/5.30 usually, to get to bed for 7.30. I didn't want to nag so left it till I was sure he'd forgotten their tea befor I mentioned it at 5.45... Just said its getting quite late for tea for the kids? He was surprised that I wasn't making tea. I reminded him that he agreed to watch the kids for a couple of hours and he said that he was watching them, but didn't realise that included making tea? I asked him if he could please make something quickly as it was getting late. (Imagining beans on toast, something quick).
Go back to kitchen at 6.15 and he is chopping carrots to begin making a cooked meal. I said something about it being a bit late to start a big meal, which won't be ready for at least half an hour and mentioned that I would have thought beans on toast would be better and he's got the massive arse with me that I expect him to do things 'exactly as I would' and won't let him just get on with things his way.
I feel like I can't win. That's exactly why I waited till later to remind him about dinner as I wanted to give him a chance to do it his way, but he didn't do it at all! If I don't say anything, nothing gets done, if I do say something then I'm nagging and wanting everything done 'my way'
Surely wanting our children fed at a reasonable time is not ott?
Sorry this is so long. DH is really lovely in other ways, he's brilliant with the kids in terms of playing with them and doing fun things together. He loves family time and days out together, he works very hard and I could spend every last penny of what he earns on myself and he wouldn't say a word. He's great with being flexible during the week with switching his working hours to allow the kids to do various activities when I can't be in two places at once.
I feel very confused. I veer between thinking that I am too harsh on him and should chill out so we stop the constant bickering and thinking that he takes the piss and I am not harsh enough!