To wonder why nobody, not even a therapist, can love me at all

[YearningHeartache]

I'm not just talking about romance. I'd honestly love some good friends right now, who wanted to spend time with me, who sometimes contacted me first rather than it always being me approaching them. I don't know what is so wrong with me.

I had a therapist until recently, and we had a great connection. We got very close and started to say 'I love you' (sort of like a maternal thing, my own mother has no time for me) and I thought that for once someone did really love me. She showed me so much love, letting me call her whenever I needed to and always having time for me.

But recently she has been disinterested and a bit frosty as well. So whatever I do that puts people off, she finally saw it as well. But I have no idea what it is that I do that's so horrible I'm so bewildered and sad, I don't know what to do anymore. I tried to get help, and really put my trust in this therapist, but I feel like I can't trust her anymore. Although I do sometimes exhibit borderline personality disorder behaviour (you wouldn't know, I am a very private person so I control it, but I do sometimes self harm and feel so worthless and depressed) so it could be bpd making me not trust her. I just don't know.

It may not be as good as the real thing, but we care if you live or die. I can guarantee that.

re reporting: BACP will know how challenging a client (usually) finds it to make a complaint/observation. Perhaps you could give them a call to say you have some concerns about your current therapist and you need to know their procedure, who to discuss it with, where you go from here? You could say that you find it very challenging to go down this route and see what they have to say.

I'm seeing it that I'm making some observations and it is for the relevant PTB to do with them what they will. You don't have to present a coherent document, you could include, eg, this thread, the emails, anything else that is documented.

But do bear in mind that if you are in dispute re your therapist then you won't be able to communicate with one another. It's easy for me to say but I really do think that to stop working with her is best for you. You shouldn't have to be in a position of trying to win her back? She is denying what she has done and imo that, she, is dangerous to be around.

Come here and talk it through? It will help to know people are on your side. You could also think about getting another therapist going asap so you have a safe space to work through this. Perhaps BACP could recommend someone who has a good record?

You could also consider getting this moved (or starting another thread?)to Mental Health? I posted about my crap therapist and it helped me enormously to get my head together; it gave me real clarity. I was like you, in a funk, wondering if what was happening was right, wondering if it was me etc. That was months ago and I still haven't make a complaint/observation but I definitely will, using the points that came out from posting my thread.

MN Mental Health forum

Thank you so much. It does mean a lot that people are so supportive here. I'll take a look at the mental health forum and maybe ask mnhq to move my thread.

Well done, Yearning You'll be okay, you know.