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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep job even though I don't need it?

71 replies

itsnicetobeniceto · 24/05/2014 23:40

We have become financially secure. I enjoy most of the time my work. Husband thinks I should leave work and move to be closer to family. We have no family here. They are about an hour away. My job can be stressful. Any thoughts? I don't want to give too much detail as I don't want to out myself. Money has come from a lottery win so have not discussed this with many people.

OP posts:
itsmeitscathy · 24/05/2014 23:41

Only you know the answer- personally I'd keep working but perhaps look to reduce hours to a 4 day week.

pinkdelight · 24/05/2014 23:48

An hour away seems close enough to me. Why do you need to be closer. Why could you not keep working if you moved closer? Lots of people commute for an hour. I don't see any need to quit a job you like just for financial reasons. Work gives us purpose, identify, friends, all kinds of things money alone cannot.

RussianBlu · 25/05/2014 00:02

Give it up for someone who needs the money but do some kind of volunteering or something to keep your mind occupied?

Original poster
itsnicetobeniceto · 25/05/2014 00:04

I agree with you pink delight. I think I would be out of my mind if I completely left work. My job is specialised and so not many options if I were to leave. I would have to change career path. I am settled in current job. Husband wants to be near family . He at the min doesn't work due to ill health and so doesn't know many people here. I don't want him to be with me and be unhappy. His illness is progressive. He may need future care.i can't see his family providing it. Any suggestions ?

OP posts:
sunbathe · 25/05/2014 00:06

Would you enjoy being closer to family?

Is your dh expecting 'seeing family' to become your life or are there other attractions in the area?

Original poster
itsnicetobeniceto · 25/05/2014 00:06

I have worked a long time. In many ways I don't want to lose financial independence. It's really his win.....what if we split up?

OP posts:
BlissfullyIgnorant · 25/05/2014 00:07

I'm very envious, but I wanted to congratulate you on your win Long Leave the same. Enjoy! Smile

BlissfullyIgnorant · 25/05/2014 00:07

Oops - typo/iPhone short cut! Confused

Boomerwang · 25/05/2014 00:09

I suggest what RussianBlue just said. Leave your job and pursue something you really want to do which may or may not pay a salary. Let someone else get the financial security they need while you enjoy your own security. Perhaps now you have a chance to start up something new and create a new wage for yourself doing something you love? If you really don't want to invest so much time then do some volunteering as it will make you feel as valued as a job does already. Take some time to think about what it is you'd really like to do, no matter how silly it might seem. A lot of people would kill for the opportunity so make the most of it, eh? :P

Original poster
itsnicetobeniceto · 25/05/2014 00:10

Main attraction is family. It's mainly his though. Mine are scattered about. I know someone else would benefit from my departure. How would I know I had made the right decision? Am too young to give up work.

OP posts:
CorusKate · 25/05/2014 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caitlin17 · 25/05/2014 00:13

I think you already know your answer. You don't sound as if you want to give up and why should you?

Original poster
itsnicetobeniceto · 25/05/2014 00:14

I know a lot of people would like to be in my position. But money can cause problems. Too many choices!!! I like the idea of volunteering. However I have depression. I would be worried a lack of routine could get to me in the long term.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 25/05/2014 00:19

I wouldn't give up work. Unless you've won literally millions then you will presumably need money at some point in the future. I would use the windfall for something like a house deposit/buying a house outright and/or some lovely thins you'd like (again, depending on size of win) and then continue life as normal. You don't want to end up depressed or frustrated and feeling like you're living your DH's life with his family on his money.

Original poster
itsnicetobeniceto · 25/05/2014 00:19

My dh would prefer to live near family so he could see them more often. Am not sure I would benefit from this as they have been funny with me for years. Not being particularly nice. Hard to go into as don't want to out myself.
Am I selfish to not to want to move and stay here where I only have a few work colleagues as good friends. People say family are more important. My family don't really visit often etc. To be honest I can cope without them.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsnicetobeniceto · 25/05/2014 00:22

It's not millions but more than I would earn in a lifetime. Prob would be comfortable with it. But what would I do everyday?

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 25/05/2014 00:22

I have not suffered depression so this is a bit of a weak comparison but I do wonder if when I retire I'll end up turning night into day. My mother, my son and I all have weird body clocks. We'd be ideal for permanent night shifts and my mother did for a while do nights.

After she retired she virtually became nocturnal and I know that without the routine of having to get up for work my son and I could well do the same.

Sorry, off topic. It's coming through loud and clear you don't want to give up work and bottom line, it's your decision and your "AIBU" is one of the least unreasonable I've seen.

Stripytop · 25/05/2014 00:23

Lots of people who are financially secure still work. There are many reasons to stay in work, and it sounds as though you enjoy and value your job.

Please don't think you have to give up your job. You shouldn't feel guilty about having money in the bank.

Original poster
itsnicetobeniceto · 25/05/2014 00:25

I know this doesn't come across as a problem but am afraid it may cause friction btw me and husband. Is my job worth that? I know it's just a job.But in the most I enjoy it and it keeps me busy

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 25/05/2014 00:25

I agree with manic buy your dream house/buy a holiday home, buy a picture from an up and coming artist,etc, etc.

Caitlin17 · 25/05/2014 00:30

I think if continuing doing a job you enjoy doing and are good at causes friction the problem isn't really your job. A compromise of shorter hours might be a possibility.

Don't rush into a decision to quit.

maddening · 25/05/2014 00:32

How much closer could you move before your commute became too much - 30 mins further away might be manageable but make it easier on dh - his family may not provide care for his progressive illness but company when you're at work may be a lifeline. You could move 30 mins away and go down to 3,5 days.

Stripytop · 25/05/2014 00:32

I live an hour away from my family. I think it is the perfect distance. Not that I don't love them and everything Grin but a lottery win wouldn't make me move nearer.

Could you go part time to allow for increased visits, and for having family over to stay more often?

Original poster
itsnicetobeniceto · 25/05/2014 00:34

Caitlin17 do u think I should still work? Yes could do all u suggest dream home , holiday etc..... But sit in a fancy house and do what? There are times I don't like my job. Some of my work colleagues are pita. I don't want to get stuck in a rut. I am on antidepressants. Don't know if been off work will make me more depressed or not

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 25/05/2014 00:37

Were you secretly hoping you'd get lots of replies saying you are unreasonable and selfish, give up your job because you don't want to and don't think you're unreasonable but you might be persuaded if no-one agreed?

YANBU and you should not be cajoled into giving up.