To keep job even though I don't need it?

[itsnicetobeniceto]

We have become financially secure. I enjoy most of the time my work. Husband thinks I should leave work and move to be closer to family. We have no family here. They are about an hour away. My job can be stressful. Any thoughts? I don't want to give too much detail as I don't want to out myself. Money has come from a lottery win so have not discussed this with many people.

My db won the lottery and hasn't worked for a year. He and his wife have never argued so much! He def needs work to provide stability and routine to occupy him. I wouldn't give up work. Maybe go to a four day week and buy a small holiday place near dps family and go for lots of weekend visits?

Whatever you do, don't factor in the idea that "somebody else needs this job more than I do". If you want to keep the job that is not an issue.

I am old enough to remember when women - and very often single men - were not considered for promotion because married men with families to support needed the extra money!

And I have had colleagues known to have substantial personal means but nobody suggested that they should resign and let someone else have the salary.

It doesn't sound as if you're in the right frame of mind for making a life-changing decision?

How about getting better treatment for your depression first eg CBT, privately if you have the means?

Then, perhaps consider your options?

If it's not millions, you would probably be very unwise to give up work (unless you will go on living very frugally).

Some thoughts:

• if you don't have enough to live off the interest (After you have made whichever large purchases you plan to make), then the sum will be ever-dwindling
• don't bank on certain state-funded perks and allowances currently available to pensioners still existing in 25+ years' time
• what will you do if your marriage breaks down, if your husband deteriorates and needs round-the-clock care, if the currency collapses, etc. etc.?
• how easy would it be to get back into your niche field if you took, say, eight years away from it, and were forced by unforeseen circumstances
• does your current employer contribute to your pension, etc? What will your pension pot be like if you stop making contributions at the same rate?
• will you be able to resist demands that you pay for second cousin twice removed's step-niece's education, once your family get wind of your windfall? Because they inevitably will.

+ lots more.

How foolish to suggest it would be to believe that you are keeping someone else out of a job and you should morally give up work. Don't you dare risk your own financial well-being and possibly sanity for such nonsensical reasons.

and were forced by unforeseen circumstances to get back into the workforce*

Do you have a hobby that you could develop into a second career? I would struggle not to work before retirement age as I would become bored after a few weeks at most. I could see myself working for the National Trust, or even in a garden centre (there's a specialist one nearby I have my eye on) - far removed from my usual day job.

One thing is simple. - if you don't want to give up work, definitely don't give up work! You're young, you like your job and you don't want to. You don't need any more reasons than that.

The other stuff is more complicated.

If I won the lottery, I would have to give up my 110db airhorn terrorising of London traffic. Except that I wouldn't, because it's fun. Also they can't get anyone else to do it because there's no overtime.

My advice, do what makes you happy.

In theory, I don't need to work either and haven't in 13 years except volunteering and doing some property development.

However, I've felt very vulnerable of late. My DH was warned about his health and I'm fed up of women seeing me as a parasite or less than I am.

Move closer and find a new job? Just to keep your brain moving a bit, explain to you husband why you need to work.

It also offers long term stability in case the lottery winning dont stretch as far as you think.

If I was ever lucky enough to win I would go part time but still keep working!

See a really good solicitor to establish if you yourself are financially secure (given it was your husbands win). Then see a recommended financial advisor, to see how much money you would receive in income from investments. Only then can you think about the work decision. I also like the idea of a small holiday home near the inlaws.

can you look at reducing your hours/going part time?

A second home near family might be the solution, and a 4/3 arrangement (depending on what your part time hours allow) between the two houses.

If his condition means he will need caring for in the not too far distance, are you debating doing that yourself or paying for carers to come in? If you work, does that give you more options? Is there a possiblity you could end up being widowed relatively young? you might well need the routine and being around your support network from work.

I wouldn't give up work unless you are happy to, I know not having enough to occupy my mind/time can make my depression start creeping back. Also, DH and I need to have other stuff going on, all day every day in each other's company works for some people, it's pure poision for other relationships.

Yanbu, I need to be doing something or I go out of my mind...

I would look for a new job nearer where your dh wants to live. I don't think you should stop working because you need to do it for you.

AS financially you don't need the money it gives you the opportunity to take something that pays less and/or is a stepping stone to a sllight direction change.

In a few years time it may be that you feel ready to stop working or do something completely different but I think changing too much too quickly would be a negative thing for all of you tbh.

What you want is just as important as what your DH wants. Remember that.

I think I would feel really trapped in the scenario he is suggesting. You both(?) give up work, and spend loads of time together, and with his family, who actually don't really like you. And if it isn't working out, you can't do anything about it, because you are financially dependent on him.

If you really can't find work in your field closer to where he wants to live, then perhaps a weekend home is the answer. Although, I do know from bitter experience, that this can end up meaning two lots of chores and DIY, instead of one, so do insist that he spends some of the windfall on a cleaner and gardener for at least one of the properties.

Incidentally, if he can't see your side of this, at all, then you have a bigger problem, I would say, but it could just be that with all the excitement of his win, he hasn't really thought it through from your side of things.

Your job is your sacrifice for your marriage? What's his sacrifice?

You could always donate your wages to charity if it makes you feel guilty.

How about doing more research into what jobs are available within commuting distance of where your DH wants to live. Then you can see if there's a job you'd like and you're not dismissing your dh's idea out of hand but not leaving work either.

OP, I think you should definitely think hard about how this interacts with your depression. This is just my experience and you may be different, but I find that a 2-week holiday is about as much as I can cope with - I need routine and work-related goals to keep me from sliding back into depression. With work, and the brief breas of weekends etc, it's manageable, because my brain has just the right amount of time off.

*breaks

How about investing your salary so you've got something in your own name, if you don't need it to live on day to day?

Is your husband too ill to join a few clubs locally, to make friends in your existing area?