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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be unhappy with what DD is eating

63 replies

CheeryBakewell · 24/05/2014 10:58

Just over a month ago I started working late (6pm) 3x a week. My DD(11)now spends these afternoons being looked after by her best friend's mum. I found out yesterday that they go to McDonalds almost every time, as well as having other junk food snacks.

DD's best friend and her sister are swimmers. Both parents made it to the commonwealth games but didn't reach the Olympics, so lives being lived through kids and what not. They swim every morning from 6.15-8am and afternoons from 4-6. Understandably, they need their food! DD is very happy to watch the swimming training and will usually get on with some homework or something but they always go to McDonalds straight after. I understand that perhaps the mum feels she can't leave DD out if she is getting food for her two, but DD told me that she once said how she knew dinner would be waiting for her at home to which the mum replied "oh well some chips won't hurt!" I did casually bring it up with her, and said how I don't really want her having two dinners (I didn't actually mention McDonald's incase she thought I was judging her or whatever) so just said she has dinner waiting for her at home. To which she replied "ok fair enough. But DD plays hockey 4x a week so I'm sure it won't hurt her."

This annoyed me because she's assuming I don't want her eating McDonald's because of weight gain... As we all know weight gain is merely a by product or a bad diet! I don't want her eating McDonald's 3x a week because it's horrible for her, in all ways. I understand that with the amount of exercise her DDs do they need to eat a lot but IMO I don't see why it can't be a lot of healthy stuff. DD eats well but you present an 11 year old with the option of chicken nugget and chips knowing they'd "only" be getting some fish pie later, you know which they'll chose.

And to make it worse they're always given chocolate and sweets when picked up from school. And not little things either! I'm talking slickers bars, kit kat chunkies, Mars bars. I give DD after school snacks but again, apple or mars bar?

I know I probably sound very judgemental over what she feeds her kids. And I also understand that it may be tricky giving your children all these yummy things and saying to my DD "sorry your mum said no." Of course she shouldn't have to change what she is feeding her children just so mine doesn't feel left out but I don't know how to approach this. Should I just sit down with DD and discuss it? What do I say? And I know some of you may say I should look into another after school option but she really does seem to enjoy watching them swim. Plus she gets a fair amount of homework done as she's not distracted by other friends being around etc.

Any insight here would be really helpful :) thanks everyone!

OP posts:
Geraldthegiraffe · 24/05/2014 11:05

No idea but gosh thats a lot of swimming!!

Meanderdeander · 24/05/2014 11:11

I'm not really sure what the problem is. I wouldn't dd to eat this crap either but she's not being made to. All she and you have to do is say she'll have her dinner when she gets home. McDonald's is yummy once in a blue moon but not three times a week.

Meanderdeander · 24/05/2014 11:13

Your dd is 11. Old enough to understand that it's not a healthy way to live and to make a different choice

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 24/05/2014 11:15

If you dont like the way she is minding your dd then you need to make alternative arrangements. You cant ask her to live jer life differently.

HavantGuard · 24/05/2014 11:15

Cut it to once a week and find alternative child care.

WorraLiberty · 24/05/2014 11:17

Surely what you mean is this...

"My 11yr old DD is eating McDonalds when I've told her not to. How can I avoid this situation?"

My advice would be to sort out some proper after school care...preferably one that means she can eat dinner or at least a substantial healthy snack before you begin cooking at...what say 6.30pm?

She's bound to be very hungry and I don't blame her for wanting to eat Maccy Dees or anything else after a long day at school.

MrsCakesPremonition · 24/05/2014 11:19

I'd be tempted to get this thread deleted as it must be hugely identifiable to anyone who knows the parents.

Kewcumber · 24/05/2014 11:19

I know some of you may say I should look into another after school option but she really does seem to enjoy watching them swim. Well yes thats the obvious solution, or cut it to once a week or tell DD that she can't go if she's going to eat McD's 3 times a week - once a week fine but other days have a drink.

Or you'll have to find alternative care.

CheeryBakewell · 24/05/2014 11:20

I have told her not to eat it and like I posted the mum just replied with "a few chips won't hurt" (a few chips actually being a whole meal) and also saying "you don't have to tell your mum."

Maybe I do just need to find other options. Nearly summer holidays anyway I guess!

OP posts:
HavantGuard · 24/05/2014 11:21

For the exercise the woman's DDs are doing their diet isn't a problem. They need the calories.

WorraLiberty · 24/05/2014 11:22

My 11yr old comes home from school ravenously hungry at 3.15pm.

I wouldn't put him in a situation where he has to sit in McDonalds watching his friends eat, and smelling all the food smells etc when he's not going to get his dinner until much later that evening.

That's why I think you need to sort proper childcare.

WorraLiberty · 24/05/2014 11:25

Likewise if I were the other Mum, I would find it extremely difficult to sit and eat a meal in front of a salivating child Grin

I'm not saying she's right to feed your child when you've asked her not to...and I'm not saying your child is right to eat when you've told her not to.

But blimey, I can see why both the Mum and your DD have done this.

fairyfuckwings · 24/05/2014 11:26

Are you paying them for this massive favour?

CheeryBakewell · 24/05/2014 11:33

Id just like to have been told. When I asked if she could look after her just a simple "no problem but by the way we do go to McDonald's after swimming. Is that ok or do you want to pack her something else?" At least then I could have spoken to DD

And of course I appreciate the favour. I've known the mum for years since the girls started at the school in at age 3. Which is why it sort of upsets me that she told DD to keep it quiet from me

OP posts:
Pumpkinpositive · 24/05/2014 11:33

5 threads and everyone thinks YABU. Is this some kind of record?? Grin

CheeryBakewell · 24/05/2014 11:35

Lol I know pumpkinpositive. Starting to feel a bit silly. As I said just some warning would have been nice. I wouldn't give someone else's child a whole meal, McDonald's or otherwise, and tell them to keep it quiet from me or at least tell the parent beforehand.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/05/2014 11:35

She can't sit in McDonalds eating a packed lunch though

WorraLiberty · 24/05/2014 11:37

Also, if her dinner is actually waiting for her at home, why does she need childcare?

Can't whoever cooked the dinner just look after her until you get home?

What time is dinner normally?

bigTillyMint · 24/05/2014 11:39

I am a bit surprised that the mum takes them to MaccyDs so often - I would have thought that she would know the importsnce of a healthy diet for sport, espwcially if she competed to such a high level herself.

I agree with the others - you need to sort out proper childcare if you dont like this arrangement.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 24/05/2014 11:39

YABU to send your dd to a home where the whole household is eating a Mcdonalds and expect her to sit there without food while they eat.

CheeryBakewell · 24/05/2014 11:39

WorraLiberty we live far from the school with no direct bus route. My older daughter makes dinner those 3 night a week. She's loves cooking so actually enjoys doing it but she's only 16 so isn't driving. Her school is much closer to home.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/05/2014 11:41

Ahh I see, that makes sense.

Either way I agree with everyone else that you need to sort proper childcare.

CheeryBakewell · 24/05/2014 11:42

Thinkivebeenhacked she does have food.
Again what upsets me here is the secrecy and telling a child to lie to their parents. All she had to do was tell me she takes her kids to McDonald's after swimming so i could have spoken to DD about it all beforehand.

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 24/05/2014 11:43

What about a reputable taxi firm? Many have drivers crb'd and have a set arrangement daily to taxi students home. Then she can go straight home where elder dd is, make herself a snack and do homework til you get in.

drspouse · 24/05/2014 11:44

It sounds like the OP or her DH puts dinner in the slow cooker/oven on a timer.

I'd have a serious word with your DD (11 is old enough I feel to make responsible food choices), and pack her a filling (nuts/fruit/crackers) after school alternative so she's not starving at McD time. If that doesn't help, then a CM for 2 of the days and accept once a week.

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