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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to go to Disneyland with my estranged mum's money

60 replies

Bigmrsdragon · 23/05/2014 21:13

Sorry there is some background to this.

My mum committed suicide a few weeks ago. We weren't close and it's been a strange one to deal with. I posted about it at the time.

My mum left no will so everything she owned went to me and my DB. (DB wasn't close to her either) So we have shared her money 50/50. Her house was bigger than DBs so DB and his family are going to live there and sell his house and he said he will give me some money from the sale.
We have sold her car and plan to sell most of her stuff.

So me and DH have been saving for years to take our 4 DCs on a holiday of a lifetime to America we had about two years left to save before we could go but with my mum's money we can go this summer.
So we have been planning it all Disney for a week, 3 days in Florida 3 days in New York.

So we went to see PILs today and FIL wants to take all the family (SIL1 + DH + 3 DCs, SIL2 + 2 DCs, our family and PILs) to the other end of the UK that FIL used to take DH and his sister's to as children. He has wanted this for a while. He has wanted this for years so we are going there too.

So we told PILs about our Disney plan and not to tell the DCs yet. They said they will look after our dog for a few days. SIL1 was also there she said we couldn't go on holiday twice in a summer. We said of course we could. She ask were we got our money from. I said we were using some of the money my mum 'left me'

She said that it was disgusting to use my mum's money when we weren't close and I should save the money for the DCs if I had to do something with it. I shrugged her off and basically said I could do what I liked with it. She said I was just behaving like a spoilt child.
The DCs do have savings otherwise it would be different.

But am I being unreasonable to use the money for a holiday?

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 23/05/2014 21:15

YANBU

Its none of her business what you do with the money. It's yours. Maybe she's a little green eyed over the possibility a second holiday?

ihatethecold · 23/05/2014 21:16

It's none of her business.
Ignore her. Go on your holiday. She sounds jealous.

TrinityRhino · 23/05/2014 21:18

its got absolutely nothing to do with her at all

don't give it a second thought

enjoy your holiday

Ohnonotagen · 23/05/2014 21:20

you are not being unreasonable. You are using the money for your children on something they will love and have fantastic memories and even if you weren't i still don't think you would be unreasonable, its your money being left to you to use as you want!!

fromagefamily · 23/05/2014 21:20

No. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Go and have a great time, I think I'd do exactly the same in your situation.

BerniesBurneze · 23/05/2014 21:21

Yanbu - enjoy it

Lariflete · 23/05/2014 21:21

YANBU. Do something that will make you all happy. It's not like you were counting on the money for DC's future cos your mother could have easily left it to a cat's home if she'd made a will further down the line.
I'm sorry about what has happened cos even if you weren't close, suicide can have a devastating effect.

Bigmrsdragon · 23/05/2014 21:21

Well there is a chance that she is jealous as she had to stop going on foreign holidays a few years ago. But we couldn't wait till she left because she was there all night and we can't tell the ILs with the DCs there.

OP posts:
Bigmrsdragon · 23/05/2014 21:22

Well there is a chance that she is jealous as she had to stop going on foreign holidays a few years ago. But we couldn't wait till she left because she was there all night and we can't tell the ILs with the DCs there.

OP posts:
Greydog · 23/05/2014 21:24

Just go - you weren't expecting it, it's come out of the blue - use it for something good for the children

CoffeeTea103 · 23/05/2014 21:24

Yanbu, it's none of her business and next time tell her so. Sorry about your loss.

YouAreCompletelyRight · 23/05/2014 21:26

Go, and have the most fabulous time. Don't listen to your jealous SIL.

Bigmrsdragon · 23/05/2014 21:27

Well I am very surprised my mum didn't make a will because she always said that she would make sure we couldn't have her money. It seems that she didn't get round to it.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 23/05/2014 21:28

Surely not any of her business.

Although maybe you might want to wait until next year to go to US, so that you have a lovely holiday each year rather than two in one year.

Ludways · 23/05/2014 21:34

She's jealous, ignore her. That money is yours to do with as you wish, end of.

Longdistance · 23/05/2014 21:42

Yanbu. Your sil is an arse.

From something sad, you can turn it into something joyful for your family.

Have Fun!

foslady · 23/05/2014 21:46
Envy
SoleSource · 23/05/2014 21:57

Jealous and bitchy. Ignore the trout, have a lovely time.

YADNBU

wheresthelight · 23/05/2014 22:03

Sil is being a twat!!

Use the money for whatever you want!!

Nerf · 23/05/2014 22:06

I don't know actually, now you've posted your mum didn't want you to have it.
I think it's very complicated, emotionally.

YouAreCompletelyRight · 23/05/2014 22:10

PS, I'm estranged from my mother and if I end up with some of her money when she pops her clogs (unlikely), I'll have no qualms about enjoying spending it.

Ewieindwie1 · 23/05/2014 22:17

To be honest, you missed out on a mum and if she had REALLY wanted you not to inherit she would have left a will.

I see the sense of saving....

But it's a fabulous holiday! With your children who will LOVE it.

Go. Enjoy. Take pictures. Be happy.

ICanSeeTheSun · 23/05/2014 22:19

Sounds like fun.

The memory of the trip will be priceless.

Bigmrsdragon · 23/05/2014 22:40

leeds2 I am not sure our giant family holiday will be that lovely but that would be a whole other thread.
Also when my DB sells his house we should have a bit more money to go on a holiday in a few years time or save it.
nerf yes it is very complicated, I feel bad that I have money that she didn't want me to have. If my money went to people I didn't like I would be very upset. But at the same time I suppose it's a risk she took by not making a will.

OP posts:
DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 23/05/2014 22:59

YANBU at all. Your SIL sounds like a jealous brat.

Whether you were close to your mum or not, you've still lost her, that money is yours and you are spending it on your family.

Enjoy Disney OP. I think in your situation I'd do the same btw. Flowers

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