to go to Disneyland with my estranged mum's money

[Bigmrsdragon]

Sorry there is some background to this.

My mum committed suicide a few weeks ago. We weren't close and it's been a strange one to deal with. I posted about it at the time.

My mum left no will so everything she owned went to me and my DB. (DB wasn't close to her either) So we have shared her money 50/50. Her house was bigger than DBs so DB and his family are going to live there and sell his house and he said he will give me some money from the sale.
We have sold her car and plan to sell most of her stuff.

So me and DH have been saving for years to take our 4 DCs on a holiday of a lifetime to America we had about two years left to save before we could go but with my mum's money we can go this summer.
So we have been planning it all Disney for a week, 3 days in Florida 3 days in New York.

So we went to see PILs today and FIL wants to take all the family (SIL1 + DH + 3 DCs, SIL2 + 2 DCs, our family and PILs) to the other end of the UK that FIL used to take DH and his sister's to as children. He has wanted this for a while. He has wanted this for years so we are going there too.

So we told PILs about our Disney plan and not to tell the DCs yet. They said they will look after our dog for a few days. SIL1 was also there she said we couldn't go on holiday twice in a summer. We said of course we could. She ask were we got our money from. I said we were using some of the money my mum 'left me'

She said that it was disgusting to use my mum's money when we weren't close and I should save the money for the DCs if I had to do something with it. I shrugged her off and basically said I could do what I liked with it. She said I was just behaving like a spoilt child.
The DCs do have savings otherwise it would be different.

But am I being unreasonable to use the money for a holiday?

As long as you tie up the legalities with your brother eg have your names as joint owners of mum's house then he can buy you out when his is sold; then have the holiday. You obviously have some sad memories of your mum and she must have been very unhappy to take her life. Make some good memories for your dc with the money and see that they know that, although they didn't have happy times with your mum she has enabled this wonderful holiday. Make it amazing, make it sing! Go for it and ignore your sil.

Traceytrickster I have been using a similar justification.

Thank you for the legal advice with regards to the house. I hadn't really thought about it but your right it is a good idea.
We are booking Disney and sorting out the fine details today whilst the DCs are at friends house/Saturday activities.

Oh how exciting first time we went we told dds wevwere flying to france and they didnt find out til the orlando flight was announced

Your SIL sounds like the disgusting one. She should be more sensitive to the fact that you have lost your mother, which is a stressful situation even if you weren't close, and you are trying to do something positive for your family with the money. Did DH or anyone else stand up for you when she was insulting you? Enjoy your holiday, the holiday I would reconsider is the one with the ILs!

Not happy with the notion of your brother moving into your mums house. I really really don't like that. You would need to see the valuations on both houses and not simply take his word it. You need to be sure you're getting half the value of your MUM'S house. I think you need a solicitor and to treat this like a house sale in order to protect yourself. Don't assume that because your brother says it's ok or you can use yours then everything's ok. You may be close to your brother and not want to upset him but if you feel you haven't been treated fairly then you will end up feeling resentful later which will affect your relationship long term.

I know my a'holes parents will not leave me a penny but if they did I would feel I deserved it just because I had no choice in being born to them. They're horrible people. I would treat it as compensation. Enjoy your money the way you want. D.sil is jealous.

It's your money, do what you want.

My gran shared dh's birthday. When she died, the money she left me, gave me enough to pay for a trip to lapland for dh's 40th which was that year, and it was somewhere my gran always wished she could have gone. She would have approved greatly.

Not her money, not her choice!

I seriously will never understand people who seem to think it is ok to tell another adult how to spend their own cash.

Enjoy Disney!

I think that if your mum had been that bothered about you not gettign the money, she would have made a will to make sure you didn't get it.

As it is, she didn't (so may have secretly wanted you to have it), so you can spend it as you wish.

Have a lovely time with your family and I hope it in some ways makes up for the bad relationship with your mother.

What everyone else says- esp about the house.

But, if you were estranged then presumably your childhood was very difficult. I would view it as using the money as a gift to heal from that and to create happy loving family memories for you and your children. So, yes like compensation as others have said- but in a positive, building on what you have way.

And I'd smack your SIL in the chops. What a cowbag.

Have the most fantastic time!!!!!