to go to Disneyland with my estranged mum's money

[Bigmrsdragon]

Sorry there is some background to this.

My mum committed suicide a few weeks ago. We weren't close and it's been a strange one to deal with. I posted about it at the time.

My mum left no will so everything she owned went to me and my DB. (DB wasn't close to her either) So we have shared her money 50/50. Her house was bigger than DBs so DB and his family are going to live there and sell his house and he said he will give me some money from the sale.
We have sold her car and plan to sell most of her stuff.

So me and DH have been saving for years to take our 4 DCs on a holiday of a lifetime to America we had about two years left to save before we could go but with my mum's money we can go this summer.
So we have been planning it all Disney for a week, 3 days in Florida 3 days in New York.

So we went to see PILs today and FIL wants to take all the family (SIL1 + DH + 3 DCs, SIL2 + 2 DCs, our family and PILs) to the other end of the UK that FIL used to take DH and his sister's to as children. He has wanted this for a while. He has wanted this for years so we are going there too.

So we told PILs about our Disney plan and not to tell the DCs yet. They said they will look after our dog for a few days. SIL1 was also there she said we couldn't go on holiday twice in a summer. We said of course we could. She ask were we got our money from. I said we were using some of the money my mum 'left me'

She said that it was disgusting to use my mum's money when we weren't close and I should save the money for the DCs if I had to do something with it. I shrugged her off and basically said I could do what I liked with it. She said I was just behaving like a spoilt child.
The DCs do have savings otherwise it would be different.

But am I being unreasonable to use the money for a holiday?

Yanbu at all!

Slightly different buy as a kid my dad took me all over the west coast USA and through Arizona, Nevada etc. Before he died (he had terminal cancer) he made me promise that is use some of the money left over from his isa and take my children on the same road trip, and more specifically to the grand canyon as he thought everyone should see it and feel humble.

He died in the March and in August of the same year I stood holding hands with my children at rim of the canyon all of us sobbing. We must have looked a sight.

Use the money, give the kids some amazing memories and don't feel a second of guilt.

Your mother probably knew you would have the money as a result of having no will.

Why not use the money your DB gives you to buy a house? Or at least put a deposit on one? Or get a buy to let?

Oh blimey mrs dragon I'm not blaming you at all: what I mean is I have no idea, it must be complicated, and only you really know what the best thing is. I do think that hurt shouldn't cross the generations though, and so if the lasting memory of your mum for the dcs is a fantastic holiday that's not bad.

You might as well have a happy experience with the money. Definitely go, you'll look back on that vacation and perhaps think a little fondly of your mum for at least enabling that.

When the money comes through off DB house, I would use it on the mortgage or buy a house.

We have a house though that is a good suggestion loverofpeas

I really want to give my DCs the holiday of a lifetime. (I would also quite like one as I have only been abroad twice once on honeymoon and once on a business trip with DH. Both times in Europe. I would love to go to America too)

YANBU.

It sounds like you've earned a holiday tbh. I would go and not think twice about it.
Your mum had every opportunity to make her wishes known through making a will. She chose not to do that so she would have known that the money would come to you.

Dhs bastard of a father killed himself several years ago and didn't make a will. DH and his brothers had a lot of work sorting out the estate and there wasn't a penny in it for them. It's not an easy task, attending to the affairs of someone in those circumstances, so I honestly wouldn't even hesitate.
Give your children a wonderful, wonderful time!

icanseethesun we will probably use some of it on the mortgage and put some in the DCs savings account and if we have any leftover we will probably put it towards a UK holiday in a couple of years.

Enjoy the money OP, and sorry for your loss.

Take a look at The Dibb website for help with planning and making the most of your trip. You may find that 7 days in Florida is not enough depending on the ages of your children.

Best wishes, and happy planning.

I don't think you should worry that your mum didn't want you to have the money. As she knew she was going to be in that position, if it had been more than a threat she would have sorted it out before she went.
My only worry is that the dcs might be disappointed next year, if they have two holidays this year and none then!
Have a lovely time.

Yanbu but bit worried re the arrangement re your brother and the houses.

Are they the same value?If your mum's is bigger it'll be worth more and also say he doesn't sell the other and give you the money.It needs to be tied up legally.I've seen this kind of thing go tits up in families(not mine)before and some legal advice and procedures would have saved a lot of grief.

But go for the holiday,you've had a shit time and tell sil to keep her beak out.

I'd go away without a second thought - honestly, this is your money, you want to spend going away with your family. Doesn't matter if you want to go on 4 holidays in one year as long as you can afford it.

I'd be thinking very hard if I wanted to go a holiday that included my sil however.

I hope you go & have a great time.

Tell your sil to wind her neck in, it's none of her business and make her sound like a jealous bitter witch.

If your mum hadn't wanted you to have the money, she'd have made a will to that effect. I agree it must be very complicated for you, all the feelings tied up. I don't speak to my natural father and am not sure how I'll feel when the time comes. But how dare she tell you what you should and shouldn't do. Tell her to shove her opinion up her arse, when you need one you'll ask for it.

My father died and we had been estranged for many years.

I felt weird about accepting money from his estate, but saying that I thought ' well he never did anything for me as a kid, nor paid maintenance when my parents split and we really lived on the breadline, so maybe this is what he saved. The justification worked for me and I never had further qualms about the money!

Presumably you were estranged from your mum because she didn't treat you well. In which case, think of the money as some sort of recompense and enjoy it.

I was going to say the same as Retro. Make sure that your brother sells his house and gives you half the market value of your mother's house before you let him move in or sign it over to him. Money does funny things to people and it needs to be done legally.

I'm thinking the same as retropear. Make sure you formalise the agreement with your brother.
Enjoy your trip of a lifetime, ignore your jealous SIL.

I was also thinking about the house. I'm quite cynical, and also think you should get something in writing about an equal share of it. Your brother may decide not to sell his after all and rent it out. Anyway what does his giving you "some" of the money actually mean? As for the holiday, go and have a great time. Ignore your SIL.

My mum has recently been in a very similar position. She and her brother searched high and low for a will, but it doesn't exist, so they get the money. As previous posters have said, the deceased knew what would happen to their money in the absence of a will, and he made a lot of their life difficult and miserable - they deserve this money. As do you I'm sure. Enjoy it.

She is jealous. Enjoy your holiday.

It's your rightful money and you should spend it exactly as you wish. We were left some money by an elderly relative and spent it exactly the same way. We felt a bit guilty spending it on a holiday rather than something more sensible like putting it towards the mortgage or new windows but we have not regretted it for one second. We had some of the best memories of our life at Florida and the children still talk about it loads, over a year later.

Enjoy your holiday! :)

You might want to make sure you can get good reservations from Disney this late in the game if you're going this summer as June is next week. A lot of high end resort places book up a year in advance.

Your sil sound a bit bonkers of course you can go on holiday twice and how you pay for it is nothing to do with her your realtionship with your mum wasnt great so why not just blow it in something nice for your family saving it is dull and it might make you resentful of it just sitting there

Mil didnt have a will either the money dh got we did exactly the same we could have been sensible with it but what the hell dh wanted to take dds to disney