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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be jealous of parents who get a break?

57 replies

TheLostWinchesterWife · 23/05/2014 15:21

I have 3 children (my choice) DHs parents have b passed away and my parents show little enthusiasm for looking after the DCS. I in no way expect them to, as I said having 3 was my choice (andDHs) but when I see them looking after my DNs 3 days a week and babysitting I get upset. Then I get told by the majority of my friends that their kids stay at granny and grandpa's house at least once a week cos they are just worn out I grit my teeth and smile and nod.
I want to walk out sometimes but get on with it as we all have to. But I'd like to just scream!!!!

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 23/05/2014 15:23

Have you asked your parents why they favor their other gc over yours?

MissDuke · 23/05/2014 15:25

Is there a back story as to why they won't help you out? IT does seem very unfair. Does your partner ever give you a break?

DoJo · 23/05/2014 15:26

Do the kids have friends who could have a sleepover (particularly if you offer to host one first then you might be able to get a reciprocal thing going!) or do you have someone you would trust to babysit? Having a night off can make such a difference even if it is a rare treat rather than a regular thing.

FreeLikeABird · 23/05/2014 15:27

We are in the same boat.
Our children have 2 grannies, 1 grandad, 3 uncles and 3 aunties, spend no time with any of them, I used to get upset about this a lot, I now just think "your loss" we would love nothing more than them to have close relationships, I loved staying with my granny and grandad when I was young, I have some wonderful memories.

Original poster
TheLostWinchesterWife · 23/05/2014 15:40

DM prefers sis to me as she is more what she classes as a 'proper' girl. And has mirrored everything DM has done. Got job,married etc all at the same time mother did. Even been with her DH from the same age as DM met DF(17). DF loves the children as equally but works and likes.to be just him and DM of a weekend. I don't ask as I don't want to feel shit when DM complains to sis that she's babysitting dramatic sigh . She does.this about DSIS children too she's just got.thicker skin. She gets jealous of hands on GPs too. DM looks after DNS while sis is at work. I'm not jealous of sis. She gets the same eye rolls and sighs as I do.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/05/2014 15:45

But there is as difference between providing childcare while your sister works, and 'babysitting'.

Are you lacking childcare while you work?

fairylightsintheloft · 23/05/2014 15:46

YANBU to feel jealous - totally understandable, BUT it depends what you do about it. I have a friend who is really pissing me off over this. Due to very willing and hands on gps (even though they are a significant distance away) DH and I do get a lot of breaks and more importantly perhaps, DH and I are both teachers so in the holidays I am not just on my own all day every day with the kids. If DH is elsewhere I can usually persuade my sis or a friend who has a similar age DS to come and stay so I rarely have to do it alone for any length of time (I only have 2 btw). Friend is always going on about this as though I am somehow taking the piss and don't have a clue how hard parenting is. I'm really starting to resent it. So, entirely R to feel envy but please don't almost have a go at your more fortunate friends. if they are like me, they are very appreciative and fully aware of their good fortune.

Original poster
TheLostWinchesterWife · 23/05/2014 15:47

No no..I'm a SAHM. When I do go back to work ill have to sort childcare for my 3 like everyone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLostWinchesterWife · 23/05/2014 15:51

Oh crikey no I don't moan about the people that are fortunate enough to have this. I do moan about my lack of it but i would.hope i never make my friends feel.uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLostWinchesterWife · 23/05/2014 15:56

I think that's the problem though. I'm on my own with them everyday. And every school holiday. DH takes time off half term time/half holidays so we can be on our own a couple of hours before getting DD2 from nursery otherwise we'd literally lose 'us' and only be 'dcs mam and dad'

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLostWinchesterWife · 23/05/2014 15:57

Oh crikey no I don't moan about the people that are fortunate enough to have this. I do moan about my lack of it but i would.hope i never make my friends feel.uncomfortable.

OP posts:
NecklessMumster · 23/05/2014 16:04

I used to feel jealous of parents with support, we had no family near or able to help much . I remember someone at work saying 'Ooh, I've got my granddaughter this weekend, I can't wait, I've got the cot all ready' and I was astonished at the idea of having time offEnvy. Also friends complaining about gp 'fighting' over who got to see the gc the most. But we've managed, & there's pros and cons, I guess Hmm

wonderingsoul · 23/05/2014 16:17

Ynbu,
I had a friend who had one child who'd shed have 3-4 days out of.the week every week and on top if she wanted to go out the nan would babysit.

She was over mine with her boy, she's complained one to many times on how she needed a break.

I have no shame in saying that she needs to man up and don't batch to me about how you need to recharge your batteries.
Im in the same boat as you.
Ynbu

freemanbatch · 23/05/2014 16:27

I'm on my own with 3 DD's and on Saturday last week I got an hour to myself for the first time since the baby was born in December and it made me realise just how much I miss peace and quiet!!

I sometimes feel jealous of people who get a break, especially my sister as she has my mother on tap every day as well as her husband and her kids dad but life is never fair and some people will always be 'better off.'

life can be wasted away worrying about it or you can look yourself in the mirror, smile and be proud of yourself for managing so well :-)

charleneramsey · 23/05/2014 16:29

My recommendations is a job. My work includes lovely child free time. The odd lunch hour to shop, coffee with friendly colleagues, solo travel when I can read uninterrupted. After work I return to my children refreshed and revived.

erin99 · 23/05/2014 16:52

I think your social group is unusual. Nowhere near 50% of my friends have grandparent overnighters weekly. I'd hate that actually, I'd miss DC. And if your sister is working those 3 days it really isn't a fair comparison.

It'll come towards you. When does your youngest starts preschool? I used to be so jealous of SAHPs when our youngests turned 3 and they had time to themselves while DH and I were still juggling away desperate for a break.

Eyes firmly on the future, and lots of tag teaming at the weekends. Could your DH take the children while you have a night away in a hotel by yourself? That saved my sanity twice when I was really desperate.

HolidayCriminal · 23/05/2014 16:55

I don't care if it's R or not, I'm jealous too.

Original poster
TheLostWinchesterWife · 23/05/2014 16:58

charlene sadly the only job I can realistically go back to is being a teacher. ..yey other people's children Grin actually it is a break. Strange but true!

OP posts:
Joysmum · 23/05/2014 17:03

My parents used to have a babysitter so they got some them time. Then when they realised how difficult it was finding responsible adults, they started their own babysitting business in the early 80's.

Original poster
TheLostWinchesterWife · 23/05/2014 17:04

Sorry should clarify. DD3 is at nursery on a morning so I get some time (in being grabby aren't I) but it's spent doing 'jobs'. I get jealous of those who have time to flit about Smile

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 23/05/2014 17:19

I always look at it from the other side. I see grans at school looking shattered as once again they have been out upon by their adult children. Being a grandparent is supposed to be fun, not a second stint of child rearing.

Using childcare to earn to provide for your family is one thing but I do wonder why so many have them only use childcare, family and friends at every opportunity possible simply because they don't want the children at that time.

WorraLiberty · 23/05/2014 17:22

How old are the kids?

SolidGoldBrass · 23/05/2014 17:24

Everyone needs a break from their DC at some point. OP, could the budget run to a paid babysitter now and again?

PlinkyPlonker · 23/05/2014 17:27

My brother lives 2mins away from his wife's family and they have lots of offers of babysitting / help etc. I am daft and chose to have my DC very close together in age and I am 2 hours from our nearest family. I am very envious sometimes of my DB but then I remember that living so close to family (especially my in-laws) would drive me mental so it all evens out in the end!

Owllady · 23/05/2014 17:28

We have been in the same boat for as long as we have had children, you just have to accept it and find childcare in other ways (paying) and try not to dwell on it too much. The sooner you do that, the better you will feel about it.
Believe me I have been there
Really don't expect anyone on here who has family help to understand because they won't, there is something incredibly hurtful about your parents not wanting to help you when they have had help themselves or have helped siblings
That said
I think looking after 3 young children (ours are older though) is daunting for any grandparent. My parents were young, they still work full time, they still socialise, they have elderly parents to deal with. It's just how it is. Try not to take it personal

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