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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed that my parents have now said I can't have this money

65 replies

Rkg233 · 23/05/2014 10:37

Probably will get told I'm being entitled but oh well. Just need to get it off my chest more than anything.
DS was born this January and at Christmas my mum and dad said they would buy the pram for us as our Christmas present. They gave us a budget of £500 and we found one on offer for £300 out shopping one afternoon so my mum said buy it and we'll give you the money on Christmas Day as your Christmas present. We didn't have a spare £300 so put it on the credit card, my parents were aware of this but said they'd give us the money on Christmas Day so we wouldn't accumulate any interest on it. We were really grateful for this. I know they said a budget of £500 but I did not expect the rest of the money we hadn't spent, just the money for the pram. On Christmas Day they didn't give us the money and said they'd give it us in January (my sister got an iPad on Christmas Day from them!) I thought fair enough.
It's now May and we still haven't been given the money which means we haven't had a Christmas present. Luckily we managed to pay off the cc. I'm not too bothered about it but we got given our notice on our flat a couple of months ago so have had to move. We're moving tomorrow and have to pay upwards of £1200 in admin fees, the bond and rent for our house tomorrow. We will get the bond back from our flat but not for a couple of weeks. We've also had to buy all white goods as our new house doesn't come with them (this flat did) so have depleted a lot of our savings (which was meant to be savings for a mortgage deposit) and had to put some on the credit card.
Last week my mum said she would get the money to me and this morning she's just text to say she can't afford to give us the £300. AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Ronmione · 23/05/2014 10:40

No yanbu, if your mum could afford it she shouldn't have promised it. There's kit a lot you can do thought, but yanbu to be annoyed

ShatnersBassoon · 23/05/2014 10:40

YANBU. It was an arrangement. I don't think there's anything you should do other than chalk it up to experience. They've let you down.

Original poster
Rkg233 · 23/05/2014 10:41

I know there's nothing I can do I just feel really annoyed. If she couldn't afford it I wouldn't have minded at all - just don't want to be promised the money for 5 months then when I really do need it be told I can't have it.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 23/05/2014 10:44

No it's shocking to promise and then go back on that promise after dicking about with it for months.

Tell your mother in future you would rather she didn't offer as it's dropped you right in it as you took it at her word and then let it go. It's just not worth falling out over.

Preciousbane · 23/05/2014 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeTea103 · 23/05/2014 10:46

Yanbu, it was a definite arrangement that she backed out of. I would be annoyed too.

Original poster
Rkg233 · 23/05/2014 10:49

Exactly precious I would have bought something cheaper if I knew I was going to be paying for it anyway. Just really annoyed. They didn't buy DS a gift for his christening and keep promising us a jumperoo for it but he was christened in May so I know that's not going to happen.

OP posts:
SanityClause · 23/05/2014 10:49

That's really unfair of your mother.

You only spent the £300 (which was a lot less than she promised) because she told you she would give you that money. If you hadn't thought she was giving it, you may have made other arrangements - perhaps got a second hand pram, or something.

I do think you need to try to make that clear to your mother - it's not the fact that she hasn't given you £300, it's the fact that she promised it, then didn't follow up.

So YANBU, and are not at all "entitled"

Original poster
Rkg233 · 23/05/2014 10:50

Oops sorry I meant christening in March.

OP posts:
SanityClause · 23/05/2014 10:51

I hope you didn't buy a jumperoo on her say so, as well!

Original poster
Rkg233 · 23/05/2014 10:52

No definitely did not - not at £100 a pop! I will buy DS one myself, but a secondhand one off eBay.

OP posts:
whiteblossom · 23/05/2014 10:52

wow yanbu she promised that money 6 months ago!! Nice that they could afford to get your sis an ipad. I'd be fuming. your dm knows you have spent money she promised to give you allowing you to budget your finances accordingly then withdrawn the promise/gift.

I don't think she ever had it to give. But she has had 6 months to find it since she promised it! £50 a month. Just how hard up are they OP? Did the ipad go on a credit card? Hence no cash?

brt100 · 23/05/2014 10:52

Yanbu.

Similar happened to me, although more. Just makes me remember that I can only count on myself. Sad.

MissMilbanke · 23/05/2014 10:54

Thats a really shitty thing your parents have done.

In reality there is nothing you can do about this but learn from this experience.

I think you should explain to your mother what you have said here and how her actions have left you in a totally unnecessary financial difficulties.

Original poster
Rkg233 · 23/05/2014 10:55

whiteblossom that's the thing, they are not hard up at all. My dad has a very well paid job as a director of a company and my mum is a solicitor. My sister is still in secondary school and gets expensive trips/clothes all the time and they're always going on holiday to the south of France or America. I fully understand that I'm an adult with a child so I don't expect to be bankrolled by them in any way, shape or form but I'm just a bit pissed off that I know they can give me the money, they just clearly don't want to.

OP posts:
LemonSquares · 23/05/2014 10:55

YANBU.

I think all you can do in the future is ignore any money offers - and assume they are not real offers till you have the money in your hand or bank account. Not easy when money is tight.

LemonSquares · 23/05/2014 11:00

My GP were well off and did this to my parents.

Worse was when they used to promise us money so we could do things - we were brought up not to ask - as we didn't understand and it put my parents in awkward positions.

I had to put a stop to that with MIL - not with money but things vague promised the DC didn't understand weren't real - it was to MIL at the time but on a unfriendly DC timescale and wouldn’t happen in reality.

Teasgonecoldagain · 23/05/2014 11:02

If it was me I would now tell her not to bother, it's out of order to make you pay for a new pram and then not cough up. Is she really hard up? The iPad thing is an insult as we'll, YANBU I would be so annoyed.

Original poster
Rkg233 · 23/05/2014 11:03

Lemon yes I'm scared of them doing it to DS in future - promising things to him then not coming through. I can cope with them doing it to me but not to my child. They live 45 minutes away and keep talking about buying a house closer to us so they can spend more time with DS but we all know that's never going to happen!

OP posts:
SlimJiminy · 23/05/2014 11:05

I don't think you sound entitled at all - far from it - but I agree that you need to move on and not mention it again. I'm sure she wanted to do something nice for you, but by making - and then withdrawing - her offer, it sounds like it's caused you more worry than if she just hadn't offered in the first place.

Have you looked on Freecycle or preloved for white goods? If you're lucky you could find some barely-used things on there. The British Heart Foundation have some home stores with furniture crying out to be upcycled. There's not a lot I buy new these days...

Original poster
Rkg233 · 23/05/2014 11:07

Slim we got a really good deal on a washing machine in Argos and bought a fridge from an eBay outlet. Luckily we already have all the main things like living room furniture, etc. It's the bloody letting agents fees that are crippling :(

OP posts:
emms1981 · 23/05/2014 11:07

That's a really mean thing to do. Make sure you don't buy them any gifts this year and say sorry but we have had a hard year what with moving and a pram to pay for. It really annoys me too when people say they have bought my sons gifts and they don't get them, this has happened at least 3 times

hm32 · 23/05/2014 11:07

Next time they offer, say, "No thanks, I know you won't pay us back." If they get offended, remind them of this incident. Perhaps you should just get them a card for xmas/birthdays too - they obviously think that presents are just for dependent children (i.e. your sister), so they won't need one either!

Fishstix · 23/05/2014 11:09

My mil does this to us. Promises us money is coming for something for us or the kids and then conveniently 'forgets' once we've spent it or hints she is too hard up. We've had inheritance money dissapear this way too, and at the time missed out on a house purchase because of it.
Now we just say 'that's nice of you' when she offers it and know that it's never coming so don't budget for it. Our relationship with her means more to us than the money which is why we've never uttered a work of how upset we've been by it in the past, but it does grate when this happens. Sorry to hear you've lost out to it too.

Atbeckandcall · 23/05/2014 11:09

You're definitely NBU. I'm afraid. To say your parents are.

But if you kick up a stink then you'll be seen as grabby. No win situation I'm afraid.