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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel annoyed that my parents have now said I can't have this money

65 replies

Rkg233 · 23/05/2014 10:37

Probably will get told I'm being entitled but oh well. Just need to get it off my chest more than anything.
DS was born this January and at Christmas my mum and dad said they would buy the pram for us as our Christmas present. They gave us a budget of £500 and we found one on offer for £300 out shopping one afternoon so my mum said buy it and we'll give you the money on Christmas Day as your Christmas present. We didn't have a spare £300 so put it on the credit card, my parents were aware of this but said they'd give us the money on Christmas Day so we wouldn't accumulate any interest on it. We were really grateful for this. I know they said a budget of £500 but I did not expect the rest of the money we hadn't spent, just the money for the pram. On Christmas Day they didn't give us the money and said they'd give it us in January (my sister got an iPad on Christmas Day from them!) I thought fair enough.
It's now May and we still haven't been given the money which means we haven't had a Christmas present. Luckily we managed to pay off the cc. I'm not too bothered about it but we got given our notice on our flat a couple of months ago so have had to move. We're moving tomorrow and have to pay upwards of £1200 in admin fees, the bond and rent for our house tomorrow. We will get the bond back from our flat but not for a couple of weeks. We've also had to buy all white goods as our new house doesn't come with them (this flat did) so have depleted a lot of our savings (which was meant to be savings for a mortgage deposit) and had to put some on the credit card.
Last week my mum said she would get the money to me and this morning she's just text to say she can't afford to give us the £300. AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:

HappyMummyOfOne · 23/05/2014 13:36

YANBU to feel they should honour their promise but you were VU to buy a more expensive pram then you would have had it of been your own purchase. That seems grabby and akin to ordering expensive meal on somebody's else's tab just because they are paying.

naty1 · 23/05/2014 13:42

Awful. To give your sister an ipad and you nothing for xmas.

Maybe they think it doesnt matter when as you have paid for it now. But 5m late for xmas.
Next time ask for the money up front to avoid putting on credit card.

Chippednailvarnish · 23/05/2014 13:49

Can you not say something along the lines of; "That's a shame as we had budgeted on receiving the money and now we will need to borrow the fees to move"?

At least they can't claim they didn't know they would cause you problems...

CarmineRose1978 · 23/05/2014 14:20

HappyMum, are you kidding? They were given a budget of 500, and spent 300 of it. That's not being grabby at all.

YANBU, OP - your parents have behaved really badly.

Original poster

Rkg233 · 23/05/2014 14:30

HappyMum really?! You really think I'm grabby because my parents gave me a budget of £500 and I bought a pram for £300?!

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 23/05/2014 14:33

Grabby would be charging ahead, buying a pram and telling the grandparents "Here's what you owe us for your DGD's pram".

fillie · 23/05/2014 14:35

We have family that do this to us all the time, they are so convincing, "oh yes we'll get you that, contribute to your new house, take you on holiday!" Etc. Then when it comes to actually parting with any money, it goes very quiet or their contribution shrinks drastically. The worst was " when we get a new car you can have our old one" brilliant we thought, we had an old car at the time. Then when it happened it turned out they didn't have enough to pay their final payment so we had to, it was thousands.
Also we bought a new house based on money they said they'd give us, it never came, and we are still struggling now.

We've learned to never listen when they make offers, we say thank you that's lovely, and inwardly roll our eyes!

Loverofpeas · 23/05/2014 14:44

A promise is a promise. Next time they promise something just say 'ill believe it when I see it'

I was really expecting you to say that your parents are on the breadline and skint but thy obviously are ok being director/solicitor.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 23/05/2014 14:44

When we get a new car you can have our old one

A colleague's parents did that and told all their family and friends even the neighbours so for ages afterwards she heard how lucky she and DP were, how good to them her parents were... except somehow none of it came to pass. A lot of it was for show and reputation.

Writerwannabe83 · 23/05/2014 14:44

YANBU

Inertia · 23/05/2014 14:52

You don't sound entitled at all- the generous view is that they're disorganised, the more cynical view is that somehow they are deliberately setting you up to fail or struggle, which is an awful way to behave towards your own children.

I think you need to be very firm about not buying them birthday or Christmas presents, and drastically cut down on anything you buy for siblings- and make sure you give the reason, that paying for the pram you were promised as a christmas gift has wiped you out financially.

herecomesthesunlala · 23/05/2014 14:58

I was very prepared to say how entitled you were etc when i started reading this, but you are not BU at all - She should not have made promises she couldn't keep!

YANBU!

Chelvis · 23/05/2014 15:37

My inlaws like to make offers like this, always very generous and magnanimous .... when there's an audience. When it actually comes to following through on what they've offered, it all goes quiet. I agree with the tactic, next time they make a generous offer, of refusing it and saying why. Don't put yourself in debt again to make them feel generous.

I wonder if, like my inlaws, they have told people they paid for the pram etc? Mine manage to phrase it so it sounds like they have helped us when they haven't - e.g. "Of course, we offered straight away to help Chelvis+Dh move house ... so stressful isn't it, but the house looks lovely now" (to DH's auntie; they actually hadn't bothered helping at all!)

Holdthepage · 23/05/2014 16:18

^^^ this

We have just returned from a very expensive holiday. DH & I both have significant birthdays this year so we treated ourselves. My DM has told her friend that she paid for it including all our spending money!

OP next time your parents offer a gift don't refuse it just take them with you & get them to actually pay for the item themselves. There is no reason why you should miss out on gifts if they can afford it.

veryseriousgirl · 23/05/2014 22:08

OP, I really feel for you. My DF and DSM are constantly promising to visit, to buy gifts, to help us out financially... and of course, it never happens. Like your parents, thye insist up to the actual moment that it's going to happen, then circumstances change. Like your parents, I'm aware that they are spending lots and lots on themselves, which is fine, but I wish they would stop dangling trips in front of their DGC then snatching them away, then complaining that we're not making enough effort to keep in touch.

Tl;dr YANBU!

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