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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me or him-tell it to me straight-I can take it!

62 replies

teacher54321 · 21/05/2014 19:40

DH is on nights this week. Leaves around 8.30pm. Our current house is the noisiest in the entire universe-stupid squeaky floorboards etc and boiler old and crap so makes lots of noise when you run a bath. I have asked him nicely if he could have a bath before 2 year old DS goes to bed so that he doesn't run the risk of waking him up. He thinks this is unreasonable and if he wakes up, it's not the end of the world. I say that it isn't for him as he's going to work and won't have to resettle a teething toddler.

Who is right?!

For full disclosure-we are moving to a new house in a couple of months which has a bath on a different floor to DS. When we live there he can have a bath whenever the whim takes him!

OP posts:
LadySybilLikesCake · 21/05/2014 19:42

You're right, he's being a twat. He should bathe/shower earlier, it's unfair on your ds (and you) to be disturbed by something that's very easily sorted.

Original poster
teacher54321 · 21/05/2014 19:43

Excellent-me:1 DH:0

OP posts:
CuriosityCola · 21/05/2014 19:43

Yanbu. Few things give me the rage, but don't wake my light sleeper of a toddler Grin

jeanmiguelfangio · 21/05/2014 19:43

My dh showers before our dd goes to bed when he is on nights, as the bathroom is next to her room. He doesnt mind, he knows what trouble it is when she wakes up!

Original poster
teacher54321 · 21/05/2014 19:43

2:0 huzzah!

OP posts:
Electriclaundryland · 21/05/2014 19:44

Yanbu. Never wake a sleeping toddler!

MrsDiesel · 21/05/2014 19:44

He is being unreasonable.

Original poster
teacher54321 · 21/05/2014 19:44

I can't keep up! I know that we shouldn't tiptoe round DS but it's because it's such an avoidable risk... Am glad I appear to be right Smile

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 21/05/2014 19:45

YANBU. He's being really thoughtless.

It sounds like this:

You: please don't do that, it makes my life harder.
Him: who gives a shit?

HandbagCrazy · 21/05/2014 19:45

It's him. Definitely!! Hth

Pimpf · 21/05/2014 19:46

There is a valid reason for him having a bath earlier. What is his reason for having it later?

Liara · 21/05/2014 19:46

It depends - when does your 2yo go to bed and what is your dh doing beforehand? And does it actually wake up your ds?

Toddlers can be very flukey, sometimes something which seems like it could wake up the dead and they sleep right through it, sometimes a tiny noise can set them off.

Being on nights is pretty shitty, so I personally would have it his way, but then I'm a softie.

tumbletumble · 21/05/2014 19:46

He is BU.

KittyandTeal · 21/05/2014 19:46

My DH works shifts. He always works his baths/showers around DD naps and bedtimes.

Working shifts (especially nights) is hard work but no excuse. Child comes first. If you can avoid waking them then you should.

CrohnicallyHungry · 21/05/2014 19:46

Generally speaking (s)he who wakes the toddler resettles the toddler. In this instance as it would be your DH waking him and then going out to work leaving you to deal with the consequences, he is the unreasonable one.

Original poster
teacher54321 · 21/05/2014 19:48

Me and toddler got home at 5.15, DS went to bed around 6.45. DH could have had a bath during that time but wanted to play with DS. I know being on nights is shitty. But his baths don't need to take an hour!

OP posts:
littlegreengloworm · 21/05/2014 19:50

Selfish of him, he should think of baby first

Icimoi · 21/05/2014 19:51

Could he have his bath when he gets back in the morning, and have a quick splash before he goes out?

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 21/05/2014 19:51

YANBU. Unless he is the one that will settle the child back to sleep or deal with the tantrums of a tired child in the morning, he should not cause the child to wake.
He has time to bath earlier, so he should do it then.

trikken · 21/05/2014 19:52

Yes you are right. Dh does nights and this would annoy me so much. Dh has a bath as soon as he gets up so about 5/6ish (depending what time he got home in the morning and how much sleep he managed to get). Which gives me time to bathe the kids after ready for bed time. So far its working well.

Liara · 21/05/2014 19:54

Well, I personally would be quite happy for him to spend the time playing with his son, it was only an hour and a bit he had. But he could shower at 6.45 and resettle the toddler himself if he wakes him - plenty of time for that before 8.30.

Agree that he who wakes the toddler must settle him, so as long as he is leaving enough time to do that, he can bath when he wants imo.

Watercolourfootballs · 21/05/2014 19:55

YANBU.

Nothing wrong with 'tiptoeing' round a bit, especially if he isn't the one who has to deal with the aftermath.

The arrangement will be of short duration so what's the issue?

Original poster
teacher54321 · 21/05/2014 19:57

Issue is that I have had a hoooorrible day and just want to watch Harry potter and eat Lindt chocolate and not have to sort out a toddler. Again! However at the moment DH is in the bath and DS is asleep so hopefully it will be ok!

OP posts:
CharmQuark · 21/05/2014 19:58

HIBU

BarbarianMum · 21/05/2014 19:58

On the fence here. Is your ds a light sleeper, or is this a hypothetical risk? You could juggle my 2 when they are asleep and they wouldn't wake up, so if my dh asked me not to bath when they are in bed then I'd tell him to get stuffed and hog the wine politely disagree with his assessment of the situation.

On the other hand, if this does wake him up YANBU