Me or him-tell it to me straight-I can take it!

[teacher54321]

DH is on nights this week. Leaves around 8.30pm. Our current house is the noisiest in the entire universe-stupid squeaky floorboards etc and boiler old and crap so makes lots of noise when you run a bath. I have asked him nicely if he could have a bath before 2 year old DS goes to bed so that he doesn't run the risk of waking him up. He thinks this is unreasonable and if he wakes up, it's not the end of the world. I say that it isn't for him as he's going to work and won't have to resettle a teething toddler.

Who is right?!

For full disclosure-we are moving to a new house in a couple of months which has a bath on a different floor to DS. When we live there he can have a bath whenever the whim takes him!

Sorry, YABU. Vote for DH. Kids have to get used to family life around them. What if you had a baby and he cried? What if you work and have to do housework in the evening? What if the neighbours do somebuilding work?

Your DH is working shifts - horrible enough in itself and hard enough to get family time. He plays with his son -better for everyone. I woukdn't try to tell him when he can and can't have a bath in his own home. That way lies resentment.

My DH was away 2 weeks out of 4 and I worked long hours. We adjusted the kids' hours so that we saw them. They are teens now and are glad we did.

I think YABU. I understand the anxiety but there are ways around this without insisting DH miss time with DS. He cn take a bath with DS or he can run the bath during story time and get in once DS is in bed.

Haha-DH has gone to work now, so i can't possibly show him the thread !

I think I might be most pissed off that we couldn't watch an episode of house of cards before he went out though... Because of his noisy bath.

If your ds is unlikely to wake up, it is probably a good thing if he gets used to sleeping through normal noises.

But your dh's attitude is bang out of order! The 'I don't give a fuck if he wakes up and you have a nightmare getting him back to sleep' attitude. For that, he is being completely unreasonable.

Could he not run the bath just before DS goes to bed?

How many of the people saying yanbu have actually worked night shifts?

Because I've been there both times - as the night shift worker and the mum who didn't want a baby woken by DH - and I think yabu. Definite vote for DH.

Night shift work is shitty. He gets to see his son for one hour and you'd rather he had his bath then rather than playing with his child? Very unreasonable.

Second the pp suggestion that he combines his bath and playing with son until you move, but til then I'd spend what waking moments I had with my child and do my own stuff once child was in bed if I were your DH.

I don't think the need for the father to enjoy his child's company trumps the child's need for sleep. When the DH takes the bath he wakes his child up, which is not good for the child. If he doesn't wake him, then he runs the risk of waking him, which the DH knows contributes to the anxiety level of someone with PND. This is not grown up behaviour. It's selfish, and working shifts is not an excuse for thumbing your nose at two other people and their needs.

Why does the DS get home at 5.15 with the OP when the DH is presumably home during the day? How about picking up the DS a little earlier and spending time together before the OP gets home? Even an extra half hour or hour would be nice DS time for the DH.

Ok, why doesn't he have his bath before the child gets back home.

Sorry but waking a child who is miserable just so he can get is fun time with the child is very shitty. He also knows it causes his dw anxiety and she is the one left to deal with a cranky tired child. That's what's unreasonable. Outing his needs before everyone else's when there easy solutions.

YANBU. I would tell him he can take his bath when he wants but if he wakes DS I will hand DS to him in the bath and then I would take myself off to the cinema.

That should sort it!

Indeed Pimpf. A bath before 5.15 isn't unreasonable and then he would have more time to play with DS.

Who in the world has a leisurely bath (rather than quick shower, or even quicker splash of pits from the bath tap if no shower available) before going to work rather than when they come home??

Who in their right minds has a bath FFS.
A quick shower is perfectly adequate - I don't think I've had time for a bath for YEARS.

A bath! Ha!

I think DH is being a bit dickish. Night shifts aren't a collect 200 as you pass go card.

And let's be honest, most mums are doing the nighttime shift anyway, aren't we?

Toddler and PND anxiety um come first in my book.
Man who happens to do paid work in the night comes way down the totem pole, especially as he removes himself voluntarily from the family for a long soak in a tub before he skips off.