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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be honest with DS about why he has to sit in the back?

96 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 21/05/2014 11:18

DS1 is 4. a few of his pre-school friends are now sitting in the front seat of cars, some mums I'm friends with, some school gate hellos. i have to say I was pretty Hmm Shock when he noticed tbh.

understandably DS has started asking to sit in the front. he asked again when I was stood with a friend and her DD and I very clearly explained to DS that it wasn't safe for him to sit in the front in case we had an accident and until he was as tall as is cousin he had to stay in his seat in the back. DS of course said 'but X and Y sit in the front' so I replied that it was naughty of their mummy and daddy to let them because it isn't safe.

my friend was Shock that I said this and thinks I shouldn't have said this about the parents. my argument is that I don't want to be the 'bad guy' for not allowing DS to sit there, and why should I be? I believe it is wrong for a child of that age to be in the front when there are back seats available (surely not BU??). DS now understands that I am keeping him safe rather than stopping him having a 'treat' and to be honest I don't much care if other parents get arsey with me calling what they do 'naughty' as my priority is DS.

so was IBU to say this? or should I have hidden behind 'well its up to X and Y's mummy to decide for them' making me the boring mother who wont let him do what he wants?

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 21/05/2014 14:45

Agree YWBU to say the thing about them being naughty, that was unnecessary. I have had questions about similar issues (not car related but things related to safety or health etc) and I just say that different people make different decisions.

Salazar · 21/05/2014 14:45

You really want me to list off everything illegal that a parent can do when in care of their child?

TheScience · 21/05/2014 14:47

What are you calling naughty in the context of this thread?

Sirzy · 21/05/2014 14:50

I think it is wrong to eat meat. Like, really wrong. No way so
I tell my dcs that other parents are naughty for doing so!

So if your child wanted to eat meat would you tell them they were naughty for wanting to do so?

bonkersLFDT20 · 21/05/2014 14:51

OP you are naughty for driving your child around in the car at all.
Safest is not to drive.

See? We all make our own judgements. You do what's right for you and you explain to your children and let everyone else do what they want.

PeachyTheSanctiMoanyArse · 21/05/2014 14:53

How can it be illegal? We have a multipla, only a child could fit in the middle front seat (there's no air bag or anything there though).

We get this a lot with different things as we have a 14 year old and a 6 year old who wants to be allowed to do same things. I find a simple 'it's not a choice I would make' covers this situation wrt to other parents, and 'no' other ones. I am however rather strict.

nostress · 21/05/2014 14:53

My son is 11 and has to sit in the back. If your car has front air bags then unless they are above 40kgs then they could be killed by an airbag.

Lanabelle · 21/05/2014 14:56

ComposHat and in a side impact you have the full force of the other engine joining you in the car, especially if its, say a ford ranger vs a kia picanto or similar. There is no really safe seat in a car - different types of impacts cause different damage and bring with them different dangers

Livingwithminecraftaddicts · 21/05/2014 16:44

Yanbu. In response to questions like this I usually just say 'well.. they mustn't love their dc as much as I love you' Grin runs and hides

yellowdinosauragain · 21/05/2014 16:51

You're right Lanabelle but despite this the safest seat in a car had been shown to be the rear seats, preferably the middle rear seat of there is a point seat belt and the car seat fits. Look on the links I posted earlier. Of course there will be certain types of impact where rear seats are less safe but these types of crashes are presumably less common.

Nothing wrong with weighing up the evidence and deciding you're happy for your child to sit in the front. As I said I do this sometimes. But don't pretend the front is just as safe because it isn't.

littleducks · 21/05/2014 17:15

It's fine not too let your child in the front. I don't generslly let mine but sometimes will if o have lots of children in the car or need to put back seats down to transport stuff.

If I/one of my kids heard you say that I was naughty for doing something prefecture legal (and so judged as safe enough by the government) be didn't tempted to say 'well X's mummy is silly because she didn't know what she is talking about' and then not allow play dates with your children. Possibly an overreaction but I wouldn't trust you to be respectful of my decisions.

I save naughty for illegal or hugely immoral acts.

Igggi · 21/05/2014 18:03

Good lord that'll teach me to check my posts!
Surely, it should have said "NO way would I tell them other people are naughty etc", my point was that despite believing it is wrong, I would never pass judgement on others to my dcs.
Blush

Igggi · 21/05/2014 18:03

Sirzy, not surely

OddFodd · 21/05/2014 18:09

How many people put their child in the centre seat? I know very few people who do this (and very few cars seem to have the child seat fitted in the middle) and yet that's the safest place to transport a child.

SpottieDottie · 21/05/2014 18:10

I always used to but not now as we only have a lap belt in the middle.

OnaPromise · 21/05/2014 18:17

I also say something along the lines of 'different mums and dads have different rules'. I wouldn't bad mouth other parents in case it is repeated but also I think the fact that there are different ethics is quite a difficult and potentially troubling concept for them to grasp.

Theodorous · 21/05/2014 18:24

What's wrong with "if x jumped off a cliff/put their head in the oven does that mean you would?" Old gimmer here. Or my mums favourite "because I said so".

Theodorous · 21/05/2014 18:29

Google really would go under without this site.

Wellwellwell3holesintheground · 21/05/2014 19:07

I had an interesting time arguing for DD to be allowed to sit without a booster seat in her friend's mum's car. She was tall enough that a booster seat made the seat belt came up and over her shoulder in their car. But because she was 9 the mum blindly went on putting her on a booster cushion even though it was obvious that it made the seatbelt unsuitable.

BoffinMum · 21/05/2014 20:00

We have limited rules in this house, but car seats and bike helmets rules for kids are very strict and we don't get any arguing. My position on this is clear, do what I say or statistically speaking you really do increase your risk of dying. Ignore any idiots that tell you otherwise. The kids are fine with this.

Undercurrent · 22/05/2014 11:36

In situations like this, I'd like to reply "well X's mum/dad obviously doesn't care about X as much as I care about you". But I usually come up with explanations similar to nokidshere.
Though in this case, I have said "you can't go in the front because we can't turn the airbag off. X's car must have one you can turn off and on".

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