To wonder why people do this

[Hoppinggreen]

Something tragic happened near to where I live yesterday.
People have been leaving flowers near the scene, where there are reporters photographing the messages and quizzing everyone who leaves flowers, teddies, etc.
Has anyone on here ever been to leave flowers or similar like this and if so why?
It's not a criticism, perhaps it helps people cope with it but I really can't understand it myself. If you knew the people involved wouldn't you grieve in private and if you didn't know them why would you do it? There is nobody at the scene so who are the flowers and messages for?

I have done this for a friend who died in violent circumstances.

I can't really explain why we went to put flowers down, it just seemed like the thing to do, and it was one of those times where doing anything was better than doing nothing. It was clear from the time our friend died that the funeral was not going to be happening any time soon, so we didn't just want to wait for that. We sent a card to the family, but it felt right to make sure the family knew how much we all cared, and the least intrusive way of showing that was by contributing to the flowers, which all contained messages that went to the family.

And on the off chance that our friend was watching from heaven (unlikely I know, but still) we wanted her to see a shitload of flowers! She'd have thought we were all lazy fuckers if we hadn't!

It also seemed right that this thing that happened was marked somehow, it would have felt wrong for the place to just look the same as normal in the days after something so terrible had happened.

I agree with you coruskate.

There were some parents from school who were reveling in the drama of it all. One in particular that I know was a distant friend, but she behaved as if she was very close, even at the funeral.

I think it is something you find, some people are like that, but they are the minority compared to the rest. Unless it is a big media event and then I think you get more like that.

I did it. A family member died in a car crash; I drove up to the spot a few weeks later and left some flowers there. I wanted to - it wasn't about other people at all, I didn't even put a message with them. It was just about doing 'something' to symbolise the event.

I've also added flowers to random memorials here & there, because they moved me somehow. I don't need to explain. It makes me feel better about something upsetting and, if anyone involved sees my flowers, they'll be more pleased than not.

I've never felt moved to add to those enormous flower fests for famous people, but don't feel badly about those who do. I cringe at mawkish/irrelevant/vicious messages ... but what the hell, they mean something to the people who wrote them and that's their business!

I quite like the innumerable little shrines at accident spots on Greek mountain roads: they prompt bus drivers to slow down a bit!

I think you're on to something, Corus. It's part of human nature, I think, to be fascinated by death. We all know it's going to happen, but none of us really knows what it's like ... I sometimes wonder whether folks who get massively upset by the deaths of people they barely know are those in the strongest denial about mortality? I've no idea, but I bet there are a fair few books on the subject!

I did it. A close friend of mine was murdered as a teen. I put down flowers and a message and I know her family cried because so many people put down flowers too. The one thing which annoyed me was random kids at school getting interviewed (I don't want to out myself, but at the time it was quite prominent so there was a fair few reporters hanging around) who had maybe passed her in the corridor once or twice and then said things like 'I miss her' when they barely knew she existed.

I also agree with CorusKate, who expressed it better than I could have managed.
While people should grieve in whatever way helps them, i do feel very uncomfortable with people risking life and limb on busy dual carriageways and accident black spots in order to leave flowers and other tributes. I saw a lady dangerously weaving in and out of rush hour traffic crossing a busy A road to get to the place she (and others) were leaving their flowers. I just hoped to god the same fate didn't befall her.