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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shocked at how casually some posters accuse other posters of disliking children

57 replies

Summerbreezing · 19/05/2014 14:39

I see it quite regularly on here - most recently on the Church ceremonies thread. A poster starts a thread about, for instance, toddlers being allowed run riot in restaurants, kick the back of seats in planes or whatever and you can be guaranteed that at least one poster will come back with 'well if you can't stand children don't eat out' or 'Just because you dislike children doesn't mean they shouldn't be welcome at wedding ceremonies' or 'Why should children be banned from planes just because some travellers can't tolerate them'.

It's a horrible comment to make and totally unjustified. I can't stand it when parents allow children to scream and shout in a restaurant. But I love children. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

OP posts:

deakymom · 19/05/2014 14:46

before i had children i was relatively indifferent to them now i see them everywhere! i admit they really should not be allowed to go mental in public but i do actually quite like them (when they are sleeping)

i too cannot understand why quiet-lifers are accused of being kid haters its unfair

Salazar · 19/05/2014 14:47

I love children. But the one kicking me in the back on a flight can get lost.

kali110 · 19/05/2014 14:48

Agree with you op. you must hate kids if want to enjoy a ceremony or a meal without them runnung around or screaming or if you want a kids free wedding!

picnicbasketcase · 19/05/2014 14:51

I love kids. My own are particularly lovely, and lots of others I've met have been too. There are still plenty around that are capable of being pains in the arse and I would get tetchy with parents who allow their children to do whatever they like regardless of how much it ruins other people's days. It doesn't mean I want all children banned from pubs and restaurants or weddings or planes, just that it's reasonable to expect their parents to educate them about what is expected when out and about.

Daisymasie · 19/05/2014 15:01

YANBU. Some posters are very black and white on this. You either adore children and all that they do; or you are an intolerant child hater who would have children banned from all public events if you had your way.

I agree it's a very rude and aggressive thing to say to another poster without huge justification - which none of these accusers ever seem to have. I think a lot of the time it's said defensively because the person saying it is trying to excuse their own inconsiderate parenting by putting the wrongdoing on the other person.

Vintagejazz · 19/05/2014 15:12

I presume you don't have any children yourself OP? (Because obviously no one with children of their own ever, ever, ever finds any other children annoying and is always happy to see them tearing around restaurants, churches, theatres etc)

WorraLiberty · 19/05/2014 15:17

YANBU

Some people prefer to 'blame' other people for not liking children, because it's easier than keeping their kids under control.

I don't automatically like children any more than I automatically like adults.

They're all individuals and if they annoy me, I'm not going to particularly like them.

Daisymasie · 19/05/2014 15:21

But Worrall children have a right to be in public places, don't you realise that? It's all about their rights and no one should ever object to anything they do because

WorraLiberty · 19/05/2014 15:23

To be honest Daisy I think badly behaved NT children should be clamped and towed away...

glenthebattleostrich · 19/05/2014 15:28

I love children (especially now at nap time!) I love them so much I work with them as a childminder.

Because I'm a childminder I generally have a bag full of crayons, pads, small toys shite and a tablet full of games. Just because I have this stuff that doesn't mean I want little Jonny or Frenella taking them from my DD and or mindees and wandering off with them. Nor do I want to babysit other peoples kids in my downtime.

If I'm out for a meal I don't like badly behaved children behaving dangerously (running in restaurants and coffee shops is a big hate of mine) and I definitely don't want them loitering around my table.

And anyone who comes on and says don't have the stuff out can sod off. I manage to bring stuff to entertain kids when I'm out and stop them behaving like little monsters (which all kids can, mine are by no means perfect) why can't other parents. If you can afford to eat out you can afford £1 for a packet of crayons and a colouring book or sticker book insert chosen entertainment here

Sorry, PMT hitting and a really bad Sunday lunch picnic experience over the weekend.

PrincessBabyCat · 19/05/2014 15:31

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Kids (particularly toddlers) aren't adults, they can't just sit quietly for long periods of time. They just can't. It's a little unreasonable to have a children are to be seen and not heard mentality.

There's a huge difference between a toddler being a toddler, and a toddler running all over the place like a godless little heathen. Most toddlers out in public are the first definition. Unless of course you guys have an abundance of these magical quiet non-squirmy toddlers I keep hearing about. But in my experience, if a small child has something to say they'll say it loud and proud no matter how embarrassing or if the parents are trying to shush them.

That said, I only like children and babies on a case by case basis. I love mine, but that's about as far as it goes.

Children are like farts, yours are fine other people's stink. :)

Daisymasie · 19/05/2014 15:35

"You can't have your cake and eat it too"

No one said you could. We're just making that point that there's a big difference between expecting parents to know when it is and isn't okay to let a child run around and make noise without intervening, and 'disliking' all children at all times.

PotsofGold · 19/05/2014 15:37

I very rarely find myself annoyed with a child, I am usually more annoyed with a parent who just lets the child behave appallingly without even attempting to get the child to behave.

Daisymasie · 19/05/2014 15:44

That still makes you a child hater Pots.

AtYourCervix · 19/05/2014 15:47

I don't like children.

My own were tolerable but other peoples are just noisy, dirty, smelly and irritating.

AtYourCervix · 19/05/2014 15:49

I don't like most adults either.

mrsbucketxx · 19/05/2014 15:51

im a bit in between.

i don't thing there is ever a time or space that children should be allowed to run wild. but i also think a little tolerance is needed especially when they are expected to sit still and quiet for hours on end like a flight or church service.

kids will be kids, but parents need to step in if it goes too far.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 19/05/2014 15:55

What Worra said.

In both her posts

MiaowTheCat · 19/05/2014 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComposHat · 19/05/2014 16:00

Yes... the 'not liking children cad' usually accompanied by a claim that 'in other countries (never specified) they value children. ' is a good way of shutting down debate about specific children's bad behaviour amd their parents' letting it go unchecked.

Vintagejazz · 19/05/2014 16:01

It's a cheap lazy argument made by mumzillas who think their children should be the centre of every occasion and are convinced everyone is thrilled to hear their toddler shouting and running around during their wedding vows because it turns it into a proper 'family occasion'.
They probably then get indignant when said child gets a reputation and is no longer invited to weddings, - because that, of course, is just some bridezilla who hasn't had children of her own yet and will realise the error of her ways as soon as she does

Theodorous · 19/05/2014 16:09

MegaMums and MegaDadz. The parents who loudly show off everything their child does including annoying things. Annoying MegaDad in a speedo (not relevant but makes him even more irritating) wielding his kid in the pool (communual compound pool, not many families on compound) loudly praising his toddler for splashing me. "Tarquin, you are such a big splasher, you are soooo dexterous for your age" "Tarquin, can you say splash in French?" "Tarquin, count the splashes, ONE, TWO, THREE" and etc.
Even though he is a neighbour I Mega splashed him (MegaDad not Tarquin) and told him to bugger off. I heard Tarquin parroting the bugger off as I left, he is indeed a genius.

Stinkle · 19/05/2014 16:18

YANBU

I generally quite like children, I just don't like it when they are allowed to misbehave and run riot.

I do understand it's hard to make them sit still and be quiet, I've 2 of my own, I've been there, but there does reach a point where the tantrumming child at the wedding ceremony/restaurant/whatever should be taken outside

I don't want to have the back of my seat kicked, I don't want to try and eat my dinner with kids running around my table (and climbing on the back of my chair which happened this weekend). That doesn't mean I don't like children

Kids misbehave, wriggle, kick seats, throw tantrums, make irrational demands and whatever other mischief they dream up it's what they do, and then their parent needs to step in

CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla · 19/05/2014 16:37

I love children! but here's a thing. me and OH were trying to have a nice drink on friday at the local. We then put 3 50ps down on the pool table. There followed 3 toddlers up to the pool table area (which has a sign: NO CHILDREN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES). They took our 50ps and a 5 year old tried to drink my double whiskey and coke. We had to put the drinks and 50ps (which had toddler spit all over them) on top of the fruit machine. THEN, they preceeded to bring 5 other little terrors with them. Then they messed with our table and potted the black ball - waste of OH's money if we can't even play. Their parents didn't care. When I was a baby my mum would sit me down and I would sit down and read a book and not run around screaming. I was a good child.
Anyway, few weeks ago we went for a carvery. The children went behind the counter (it was a buffet thing) and put their hands in the food and threw food at each other. mummys and daddys laughed at their "little angels" and continued to drink.
I'm sorry but, children should NOT be in restaurants or non-family pubs. If there are, please make sure your tear-aways are either in a play-pen, or sat in front of you with a colouring book or a toy. A lot of people left after the children had their hands in the food. How unhygienic. We left and refused to pay. These children also had sick all down their fronts (mums hadn't noticed) and food/snot all over their mouths.
I love children so much and would love a big family, but when me and my OH are on dates and are trying to have a good time together (at cheap places because we can't afford no-children places!) there are children around. We try to say "go see mummy!" and they do, then they come back. There are signs that say "Children must be supervised at all times" but where are the parents? outside catching rays having a smoke (which I do, but not the point) while their kids wreak havoc among paying customers who want a good night.
Keep your children sat down just as my mother did, and just as I would in a nice restaurant. It's not being awful, it's just being considerate to others. if you child wants to play, go somewhere family friendly. I'd do the same!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/05/2014 16:38

It's not like they're being accused of kicking kittens.

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