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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shocked at how casually some posters accuse other posters of disliking children

57 replies

Summerbreezing · 19/05/2014 14:39

I see it quite regularly on here - most recently on the Church ceremonies thread. A poster starts a thread about, for instance, toddlers being allowed run riot in restaurants, kick the back of seats in planes or whatever and you can be guaranteed that at least one poster will come back with 'well if you can't stand children don't eat out' or 'Just because you dislike children doesn't mean they shouldn't be welcome at wedding ceremonies' or 'Why should children be banned from planes just because some travellers can't tolerate them'.

It's a horrible comment to make and totally unjustified. I can't stand it when parents allow children to scream and shout in a restaurant. But I love children. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

OP posts:

CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla · 19/05/2014 16:40

Also, my mother took me and my Dsis outside if we were screaming as it is extremely disrespectful while in a church.
I just wasn't the "playing" type, but I'd make sure I kept to the "children must be supervised" and "no children on the premesis after 8pm" when the adults want their play time!
My mum kept us quiet, why do these parents not seem to care?

JanineStHubbins · 19/05/2014 16:46

There's a huge difference between a toddler being a toddler, and a toddler running all over the place like a godless little heathen.

GreeboOgg · 19/05/2014 17:03

I was and still am a godless little heathen, and my arse was definitely never allowed to separate from my chair when eating out, even as a toddler.

JonesRipley · 19/05/2014 17:05

children are mostly lovely.

parents are not necessarily. In fact some of them go on being the selfish wankers they always were, only now they are parents they've got another per on to use as an accessory

OP YANBU

squizita · 19/05/2014 17:25

I love children and have worked in childcare since I was 16.

I dislike the behaviour children (disclaimer: if there is no reason, emotionally or developmentally) being unusually loud, spoilt etc' in public. All the more so because I've dealt with masses of them over the years so have a pretty good idea of what's high jinks and what's just plain silly/loud.
I have been known to be asked, by friends with said kids, to 'do that supernanny voice' and make their child quiet in Starbucks or wherever. It does make me a bit sometimes as all I do is bog standard "firm but fair".

squizita · 19/05/2014 17:32

...one marked example was in Sainsburys and friend's DCs (had just bumped into them) were lobbing onions around. Friend was irritated by dirty looks from other shoppers! Asked me what I'd do!
I crouched down and said "No. What is this [mumble 'onion'] and what do we do with it ['eat it'] ... well it's very unkind to throw these on the floor then isn't it? They could get germs on them! If you want to hold the food help dad put peppers in the bag."

Not really child hating but really, throwing (quite big) onions at each other full whack and parents did nowt?

tobysmum77 · 19/05/2014 18:02

gah kicking the back of seats on planes. .... nightmare trying to stop them (and I really do try hard!). usually at the same time as being kicked in the back by someone elses child who does nothing. ...

Writerwannabe83 · 19/05/2014 18:41

I love my son and my sister's children. That's it
I'm entirely nonchalant about other people's children and I will admit that most children who I see out in public annoy me in one way or another

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn · 19/05/2014 19:01

My dd is one of those whiney whingey one year olds ... Not all the time, but as much as I desperately try to keep her entertained , she still whinges at times :/ what am I supposed to do? Not go out? Ever?

I would never let her walk about other peoples tables or throw things wtc etc but sometimes noisy toddlers cannot be helped, sorry

Joylin · 19/05/2014 19:36

Everybody hates being around horribly behaved children except the parents of such children. I wouldn't say I hate them, I feel sorry for them that their parents don't care enough about them to teach them socially acceptable behaviour and make them likeable to other people. I like kids, it's certain parents that are the problem.

I know one kid who get's filthy looks everywhere he goes because his mother won't teach him how to behave, he's perfectly capable, I've minded him a few times and he was an angel when he knew what to do.

Vintagejazz · 20/05/2014 10:57

'Family friendly' is another expression that gets thrown around to try and deflect criticism of badly behaved children.

AIBU to be annoyed that a toddler was running around a restaurant on Saturday with a water pistol, shooting water into everyone's meal

YABU. It was a family friendly restaurant.

AIBU to be shocked that a child set fire to the bride's veil at a wedding I attended recently.
YABU. Weddings are supposed to be family friendly occasions.

etc. etc. etc.

Only on mumsnet has 'family friendly' become a euphemism for 'children rule' No one else counts'.

ComposHat · 20/05/2014 11:05

keepon then as the toddler's parent and if their behaviour is annoying/disrupting to others, you take the child away from the situation until they are calm.

thebodylovesspring · 20/05/2014 11:50

Well I certainly don't love all children at all. Why would I love people I don't know just because they are small?

Doesn't mean I do t think they should be protected and nurtured or helped. But love no not really.

Bit odd.

Lanabelle · 20/05/2014 12:03

I don't think a big deal should be made out of it. I don't like children really but I have 4 (who I do love but sometimes irritate the living daylights out me), other peoples children annoy me yes but there are exceptions to the rule, other children's parents irritate me but there are also exceptions to the rule. Nobody is going to get on and agree 100% of the time and if someone wants to vent about having their evening ruined by someones screaming kid, or some screaming kids absent parent then let them, Whether they like children or not.

writtenguarantee · 20/05/2014 12:14

I have kids. I would say they are on the better side of good behaviour. So, while not angels, they aren't terrible either.

My view on kids going crazy in public depends on if the venue optional. By that I mean no parent wants to take their kid on a bus or plane, but must do out of necessity, so I am much more tolerant if kids aren't as well behaved there. However, you don't need to take your child to a restaurant. If your child can't behave properly there, don't take them.

On the flip side, adults need to be more prepared. earplugs are basically free, so if you want a silent flight you better have some on you.

pandarific · 20/05/2014 12:15

To be fair, not particularly liking/being interested in children doesn't make you a terrible person - lots of people I've spoken to only like their own.

I think using levelling that as an insult is in the same camp as telling a mother they're being - pause for full effect of judginess - selfish. Drives me mad.

squizita · 20/05/2014 12:28

Panda IME no one in possession of a vagina is allowed to be (pause) selfish. Thinking of your self is vile and must mean that your DP/DH, DCs, parents, goldfish etc' are suffering, pining for home cooked food and handcrafted middle class perfection.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 20/05/2014 16:44

I don't expect children to be silent, I actually like to see/hear children chatting to their parents. It's the screeching/screaming from some I don't like.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 20/05/2014 16:44

I don't expect children to be silent, I actually like to see/hear children chatting to their parents. It's the screeching/screaming from some I don't like.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 20/05/2014 16:45

I don't expect children to be silent, I actually like to see/hear children chatting to their parents. It's the screeching/screaming from some I don't like.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 20/05/2014 16:45

I don't expect children to be silent, I actually like to see/hear children chatting to their parents. It's the screeching/screaming from some I don't like.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 20/05/2014 17:00

Oops, sorry

maninawomansworld · 20/05/2014 17:02

There is a time and a place for everything and church / pubs / restaurants / 35,000 feet (not an exhaustive list btw) are not places for kids to be running around and making excessive noise.

If you go to a family friendly pub (which I avoid like the plague - even when I have DC with me) then you can expect a noisy garden area with adventure playground and you can expect a few children coming in / out when it's time for their food but you should not have to put up with the running round your table or sword fighting with their cutlery while you are trying to eat in (relative) peace or walk back from the bar with an armful of drinks.

grumpasaur · 20/05/2014 17:04

This drives me mad. I LOVE children who are well behaved and polite. And I don't mean in a 'seen and not heard way', I mean kids who behave like kids but can sit quietly at a restaurant or for a special occasion, when appropriate! I hate kids who are bratty and overly loud and I appropriately rambunctious when it's inappropriate. Actually I hate their parents and normally tell them off!

Caitlin17 · 20/05/2014 17:41

This made me laugh.

"I don't like children.

My own were tolerable but other peoples are just noisy, dirty, smelly and irritating"

I'm not sure I feel quite as strongly but I really don't find other people's children remotely interesting.

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